I was a compliant child. When my parents said do, I did. I had no idea what it would feel like to defy them. As a family we attended James Street Methodist Church in Bridgetown where I sang in the junior choir. Choir practice was once each week at 5:00 pm. After school ended at 3:00 pm, I would walk 3 km from Combermere School to Bridgetown and arrived with one hour to wait.

Other boys around my age arrived later and we would visit a video arcade about 100 m away and play 25-cent operated video games. We would play until 4:59 pm and then dash downstairs and across the street to the Church, and fix our clothes before we went in. We did this for years.

One day when I was 14 years old, we were playing video games in the arcade as normal. I checked the time. It was 4:59 pm, but this time no one moved. We just kept playing. I decided that I would play the video game until I was finished. One hour later we arrived at the church but stayed outside and played cricket.

THE PRODIGAL.

That day, after playing arcade games for years and leaving in time to attend choir practice, I crossed the Rubicon. I did not care what the choir master, the reverend or my parents thought – or the consequences of that defiance. I had crossed into the realm of addiction without planning to.

After choir practice, the choir master noted my unusual defiance and untidy appearance but did not provoke me. I was spiralling out of control with each defiant decision and the opportunities to make those decisions came at me so quickly that I did not have time to think.

I felt like I was on a steep slippery slide of defiance where my only option was to see what awaited me at the bottom – and then hope that I could somehow make my way back up. I was on that prodigal road for 24 hours and got the help I needed to get out and avoid an entrenched addiction.

ADDICTS.

I used to try to help addicts, but found that it was futile unless they truly and desperately wanted help. Once their addictions were entrenched, they seemed to no longer care about their: appearance, health, family, friends, possessions, studies, work, social organisations and responsibilities.

It seemed their only priority was to feed their addiction by any means possible, which resulted in starving the other aspects of themselves and becoming irritable if they were denied access to the source of their addiction. Until they were desperate enough to want help, logical and reasoned arguments were ineffective.

ENABLERS.

The main problems for Barbados with addictions are: (i) the loss of productivity of the individuals and (ii) the wasted resources used in trying to help them to overcome their addictions before they are ready to receive that help. Many treatments have been developed to help addicts including: giving them coping skills, giving them drugs to reduce their cravings and withdrawal symptoms, and getting them to attend support groups. However, after their treatments they are more likely to relapse into their addictions. There must be a better way.

Based on my experience, there seems to be a window of opportunity where the main consequences of addiction may be avoided. That window seems to be shortly after the first act of defiance but before the addiction becomes entrenched through habitual use. Such persons may be identified by their unusual expressions of no longer caring about what others think.

ALL VULNERABLE.

We are all vulnerable to becoming addicted to previously harmless things that become harmful to us once we become addicted to them. Slipping into addiction seems to be one of the easiest things we can do. Getting out of an entrenched addiction seems to be one of the hardest. Therefore, once the tell-tale signs of unusually no longer caring have been exhibited, the person should behave as if they still cared – while they have some control and a desire to escape their addiction.

If you suddenly no longer care about how others view your appearance and you start looking unkempt, then spend time grooming yourself every day (for men, that would include shaving facial hair daily) until you start caring again. If you do not care about how others view your car and you start keeping it dirty, then clean it daily until you start caring again.

If you do not care about how others view your academic performance and you start skipping classes, then: (i) read all your assigned text books from beginning to end and do all the exercises, (ii) attend all your classes and take copious notes, and (iii) read over your assignments and look for the errors in your work. If you do not care about how others view your job and you start making careless mistakes, then: (i) be careful and conscientious in your work and (ii) check your work at least seven times before it is issued.

If you no longer care about what your wife thinks and you stop talking with her, then ask her what she wants and do things to show that you care until your demonstrations of care become habitual. If you busy yourself in this manner, you may starve your mind of the object of your addiction and feed activities that your addiction will starve – while you still have some control.

_{Grenville Phillips II is a Doctor of Engineering and a Chartered Structural Engineer. He can be reached at NextParty246@gmail.com}