On Barbados Underground (BU) we discuss many issues, mostly serious issues, here is your chance to let off some steam by sharing funnies.
333 responses to “Jokes Corner”
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While walking along the sidewalk in front of his church, a Minister heard the intoning of a prayer that nearly made his collar wilt.
Apparently, his 5-year-old son and his playmates had found a dead robin. Feeling that proper burial should be performed, they had secured a small box and cotton batting, then dug a hole and made ready for the disposal of the deceased.
The Minister’s son was chosen to say the appropriate prayers and with sonorous dignity intoned his version of what he thought his father always said: “Glory be unto the Faaaather, and unto the Sonnn ….. and to the hole he gooooes.”
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@ Pat // December 6, 2009 at 7:40 PM
Kwasi Appiah like it, but barely wid it.
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Two hundred and fifty thousand Bajans are talking a walk…
“Are we doing OK?” asks one.
“God knows” answers another….
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And what is a bastard fart? Why, a little stinker without a pop, dummy.
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A father and son taking sunday afternoon walk.The father turn to his and say
“Son I have something to ask you”
What if I make a crap here by the side of the road would you be angry at me?’
“No” said the son—but the whole town might disappear -
Man Chris Stop…!
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Speeding?
Sitting on the side of the highway waiting to catch speeding drivers, a Police Officer sees a car puttering along at 22 KPH. He says to himself, “this driver is just as dangerous as a speedster!”
So he turns on his lights and pulls the driver over. Approaching the car, he notices that there are 5 old ladies – 2 in the front seats and 3 in the back – wide eyed and white as ghosts.
The driver, obviously confused, says to him “Officer, I don’t understand, I was doing exactly the speed limit! What seems to be the problem?”
“Ma’am,” the officer replies, “you weren’t speeding, but you should know that driving slower than the speed limit can also be a danger to other drivers…”
“Slower than the speed limit? No sir, I was doing the speed limit exactly.. Twenty-two kilometres an hour!” the old woman says a bit proudly.
The Police officer, trying to contain a chuckle, explains to her that 22 was the highway number, not the speed limit. A bit embarrassed, the woman grinned and thanked the officer for pointing out her error.
“But before I let you go, Ma’am, I have to ask… Is everyone in this car OK? These women seem awfully shaken, and they haven’t made a peep this whole time,” the officer asks.
“Oh, they’ll be all right in a minute officer. We just got off Highway 189.”
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Why does a Canadian cross the road?
To get to the middle….
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There he goes again. Told you he would come better. Did I actually say dat? Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo.
Keep um comin Chris.BAFBFP
Do like me n preten dat ya laffin. He whun kno. -
Pat
We in familia wid dem H’way numbers so de joke might be pun delay or pause fa sum. I is one.How de ‘black-cake’ comin? I would eat piece now.
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Little Johnny tells his father that he would like to have a bicycle.
Dad tells Johnny that there is no way he could afford a new bike right now. The mortgage on the house is $80,000; your mother just lost her job and wrecked the car.
The next day, the father noticed little Johnny heading out the door with a suitcase. He stopped little Johnny and asked him “where do you think you are going?”
Johnny said, “well last night I was walking past your bedroom and I heard you tell mommy that you were pulling out – she told you to wait because she was coming too – I’ll be damn if I’m sticking around here all by myself with an $80,000 mortgage and no transportation.”
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A man was lying in bed with his new girlfriend.
After having great sex she spent the next hour just rubbing his testicles—–something she loved to do.
As he was enjoying it, he turned and asked her,
“Why do you love doing that”?
She replied,
“Because I miss mine. -
There were three men from the Caribbean living together in London: Trinidadian, Barbadian, and Jamaican. They were all starving because they didn’t have money to buy food. However, upon coming close to a restaurant they came up with a plan.
The Trinidadian went in first. After being seated he ordered a three-course meal with white wine. When he finished the meal the waiter came by with the cheque. “But I paid you!” the Trinidadian shouted. The waiter was very confused as he could not remember being paid, but as he did not want to cause any trouble, he let the Trini leave.
Five minutes later the Barbadian walked into the restaurant and ordered a five-course meal with red wine. When he was finished eating, the waiter came by to collect the money for food. “But I paid you!” The Barbadian shouted. This time the Manager came and had to calm down the Bajan. As he did not want anything to upset other customers, he let the Bajan go.
Ten minutes later the Jamaican walked in, sat down, lit a cigarette, and ordered the most expensive meal on the menu plus two Red Stripe beers. After he had finished, the waiter came to collect the money for the meal and before asking for it, the waiter said, “Sir… I have been having a sort of problem all day and I can’t understand it. Other people like you came in earlier and ate and they said that they paid me but I don’t remember getting any money from them……….. Before he could finish, the Jamaican chimed in loudly “Hear mi nuh boss, I feel fuh yuh problem jus gimme mi change!”
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@ Bonny Peppa
In the speeding joke the old lady was driving at 22 miles per hour and 189 miles per hour. Read again.
I soaked and peel my almonds today, brought my set fruit upstairs, took out and cleaned the baking pans, went out and bought colouring, parchment paper and was ready to bake tomorrow. Guess what? I forgot to get butter. Now that is going to take a whole day to thaw, cheupse, cant bake till Wensdy.
I have to mail one to New York and another is going to Victoria, BC. I have to make 8 in total and a few coconut breads. I did not take any orders this Christmas, too much baking.
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@ Chris,
Man leff the jokes to we, just enjoy dum. ha ha ha!
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Bajan joke of the week
Two bajan businessmen in Sheraton Centre were sitting down for a break in their soon to be new store.
The store wasn’t ready yet with only a few shelves set up.
One said to the other, ‘ah bet any minute now some ignorant-ass go put he face in the window and ask what we selling’.
No sooner were the words out of his mouth, when sure enough a curious window shopper walked to the window, had a peek, and in a loud voice asked,’wha wunna selling here?’
One of the men replied sarcastically,’we selling ass-holes.’
Without skipping a beat, the shopper responded ‘boy, wunna doing great……..only two left!’
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@Chris
How do you keep a khunt in suspense? -
A Russian, an American, and a Bajan were conversing one day. The boastful Russian was talking about their feat on sending the first missile into space. The American told him” so what , we Americans sent the first man to walk on the moon. The Bajan looked at both of them and said” wunna in do nuttun, when i lefy Barbados, they were getting ready to send a man to the SUN”. They both laugh the bajan to scorn, telling him that any time man gets a trillion miles away from the sun he will burn up. The bajan man laugh, he said, “Wunna real iggrunt, dem sen the man up one nite.”
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Bro Scout,
Alriteeee,raise ya han man. De man went ta de sun de nite. Dem idiots won’t undastan dat. Raise ya han man.
I was looking fa you over at Remembering what was bajan. Wah happen? You in had nun a dem days?Pat
I understan de joke now. Pardon me slowness. A gettin ol, ya kno.
I sorta envy you neighbours. But wait, we coulda organize fa a cake ta come my side. Wah happen? And I love almonds too. YOu put peanut butter in yours too or on top? Enhances de taste fa true. I’ve never baked one but I love great cake man. It in Christmas widout my great cake man.
Do they decorate the houses with lights on the outside ova there too? Man dat is de ‘in-ting’ bout hay now girl. Evry lil nook n cranny is be ‘lighted’ man. And look real sweet.Kiki
Haw-hawwwwwwwwww, I din know dat you is use dat ‘pretty’ language too. Ya sound good. But tell me de ansa. How do you keep a khunt in suspense? -
A blonde is walking down the street with her blouse open and exposing one of her breasts.
A nearby policeman approaches her and remarks, ‘Ma’am, are you aware that I could cite you for indecent exposure”?
“Why, Officer”, asks the blonde.
“Because your blouse is open and your breast is exposed.
“Oh my goodnesssssss, oh my goodnesssssss”, exclaims the blonde, ‘I left my baby on the bus”. -
A family of three (mom, dad and daughter) went down to Florida to visit a nudist camp. The girl went walking around the beach and came back to her mother and said, “Mummy women down there have bigger breast than you”. The mother replied, “That’s right, honey, but the bigger they are the dumber they are.”
The girl went and walked around again. She came back to her mom and said “Mom, guys down there have bigger penises than dad” Mom replied, “That’s right honey, but the bigger there are the dumber they are.”
The girl went off again and came running back to her mom again. “Mummy! Dad is talking to this really dumb blonde and the longer he talks the dumber he gets.”
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Little Johnny was 7 years old, and like other boys his age rather curious. He had been hearing quite a bit about ‘courting’ from the older boys; he wondered what it was and how it was done. One day he took his question to his mother, who became rather flustered.
Instead of explaining things to Johnny, she told him to hide behind the curtains one night and watch his older sister and her boyfriend. This he did.
The following morning, Johnny described EVERYTHING to his mother. “Sis and her boyfriend sat and talked for a while, then he started kissing and hugging her; I figured Sis must be getting sick because her face started looking funny. He must have thought so too because he put his hand inside her blouse to feel her heart, just the way the doctor would. Except that he’s not as smart as the doctor because he seemed to have trouble finding her heart. I guess he was getting sick too, because pretty soon both of them started panting and getting all out of breath. His other hand must have been cold because he put it under her skirt. About this time Sis got worse and began to moan, sigh and squirm around; she slide down toward the end of the couch. This was when her fever started. I knew it was a fever, because Sis told him she felt really hot.
Finally, I found out what was making them so sick — a big eel had gotten inside his pants somehow. It just jumped out of his pants and stood there, about 10 inches long, honest! Anyway he grabbed it in one hand to keep it from getting away. When Sis saw it, she got really scared — her eyes got big, her mouth fell open, and she started calling out to God and stuff like that. She said it was the biggest one she’s ever seen.
I should tell her about the ones down at the lake by our house! Anyway, Sis got brave and tried to kill the eel by biting its head off. All of a sudden she grabbed it with both hands and held it tight while he took a muzzle out of his pocket and slipped it over the eel’s head to keep it from biting again. Sis lay back and spread her legs so she could get a scissor-lock on it and he helped by lying on top of the eel. The eel put up a hell of a fight. Sis started groaning and squealing, and her boyfriend almost upset the couch.
I guess they wanted to kill the eel by squashing it between them. Her boyfriend got up, and sure enough, they killed the eel. I knew because it just hung there, limp, and some of its insides were hanging out. Sis and her boyfriend were a little tired from the battle, but they went back to courting anyway. He started hugging and kissing her again.
By golly, the eel wasn’t dead! It jumped straight up and started to fight again. I guess eels are like cats — they have nine lives or something. This time, Sis jumped up and tried to kill it by sitting on it. After about a 35-minute struggle, they finally killed the eel. I knew it was dead, because I saw Sis’s boyfriend peel its skin off and flush it down the toilet.”
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This letter is a thing of beauty (even if the language is a bit rough)…
You definitely feel the guy’s pain! An actual letter to the passport office…
Dear sirs,
I’m in the process of renewing my passport, and still cannot believe this. How is it that Radio Shack has my address and telephone number and knows that I bought a cable TV from them back in 1987, and yet, the Federal Government is still asking me where I was born and on what date.
For Christ sakes, do you guys do this by hand? My birth date you have on my social security card, and it is on all the income tax forms I’ve filed for the past 30 years. It is on my health insurance card, my driver’s license, on the last eight damn passports I’ve had, on all those stupid customs declaration forms I’ve had to fill out before being allowed off the plane over the last 30 years, and all those insufferable census forms that are done at election times.
Would somebody please take note, once and for all, that my mother’s name is Maryanne, my father’s name is Robert and I’d be absolutely astounded if that ever changed between now and when I die!!!!!!
I apologize, I’m really pissed off this morning. Between you an’ me, I’ve had enough of this bullshit! You send the application to my house, then you ask me for my damn address.
What is going on? You have a gang of Neanderthal assholes workin’ there! Look at my picture. Do I look like Bin Laden? I don’t want to dig up Yasser Arafat, I just want to go and park my ass on a sandy beach.
And would someone please tell me, why would you give a damn whether I plan on visiting a farm in the next 15 days? If I ever got the urge to do something weird to a chicken or a goat, believe you me, I’d sure as hell not want to tell anyone!
Well, I have to go now, ’cause I have to go to the other end of the city and get another copy of my birth certificate, to the tune of $60. Would it be so complicated to have all the services in the same spot to assist in the issuance of a new passport the same day?? Nooooo, that’d be to easy and maybe make sense. You’d rather have us running all over the place like chickens with our heads cut off, then find some asshole to confirm that it’s really me on the damn picture – you know, the one where we’re not allowed to smile?! (bureaucratic morons)
Hey, you know why we can’t smile? We’re totally pissed off!
Signed,
An Irate Citizen.
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A pastor known for his lengthy sermons,noticed a man get up and leaves during the middle of the sermon. the man returns just before the conclusion of the service. Afterwards the pastor asked the man where he had gone. “I went to get a haircut”.
“But, said the pastor, ‘why didn’t you do that before the service”?
“Because, the gentleman said, “I didn’t need one then”.A 55yr. old man who was born on May5th, has been married for 5 yrs, has 5 children, makes $55.555.55 a year and whose lucky number is 5, receives a phone call from a friend about a horse named Lucky 5 that will be running at the local track that afternoon. Excitedly the man withdraws $55.555.55 in cash from his bank account. He goes to the races and bets on Lucky 5.
Sure enough, the horse comes in 5th. -
@ Bonny Peppa,
Thanks for the laugh about #5.
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@ Bonny Peppa
Look, I am a #7. I was born on a 7, my house number is a 7, my car license is a 7, my phone # is a 7 and I live in the seventh house on my street. Does that mean I am lucky? I doubt it very much. By the way, these numbers were all acquired randomly.
But me afraid to move anywhere else. My license plate very rusted, you can hadly see the number and letters, but me afraid to change um and if I ask for the same plate to be made it gun cost me $250. So, me ah wait fuh police to tell me get a new one. lol.
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@Chris
C U Next Tuesday.. -
This one is for all you old people
Two 83 yr old men were sitting and conversing one day under a tree. One man said, ‘boy I really feeling old, all the bones getting stiff and I feel lazy, I really feel like a old man. The next man said, “well I feel just like a new born baby.” the first man said “wha, how come?” the man explained” Well, I have no hair on my head, no teeth in my mouth and I believe, i just pee my pants.” -
Alex Fergusson
What is your lucky #? Mine is #13.Pat
You would only know if 7 is your lucky # if you go ta de races n place a bet like my frien #5. LOLKiki
I malicious. Wah I hearing bout you n Chris nex Tewsdee? Yes, I nosey. “We” wants to kno.
“Murdahhhhhh inna de dance-hall. -
A man wife did beating he n he run up unda de bed. She start jucking he wid de broomstick an telling he,
“come out, come out from unda day”.
He holler out,
“No, I in coming out. I is de man in hay and if I say I in coming out, I in comin out”. -
@ Bonny Peppa
ha ha ha! My dear I cannot afford to throw away $777.77, nor $77.77, nor $7.77, nor $7, nor $0.77.
Do you think they take seven cents bets?
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Speaking of the races, many of you might have heard this joke before but for those of you who have not…
A priest wanted to raise money for his church. He was being told there is a fortune in horse racing. So he decided to purchase a horse and enter it in the races. However, at the local auction, the going price for a horse was so high that he bought a donkey instead. After serious thought, he figured that since he had it, he might as well go ahead and enter it in the races. To his surprise, the donkey came in third. The next day the local paper carried this headline:
PRIEST ASS SHOWS:
The priest was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the race again, and this time it won. The local paper read:PASTOR ASS OUT FRONT
The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the priest not to enter the donkey in another race. The next day, the local paper headline read:BISHOP SCRATCHES PASTOR ASS
This was too much for the Bishop, so he ordered the priest to get rid of the donkey. The priest gave it to a Nun in a nearby Convent. The local paper, hearing the news, posted the following headline the next day:NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN
The Bishop fainted. He informed the Nun that she would have to get rid of the donkey, so she sold it to a farmer for ten dollars. The next day, the paper read:NUN SELLS ASS FOR $10
This was too much for the Bishop, so he ordered the Nun to buy back the donkey and lead it to the plains where it could run wild. The next day the headlines read:NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE
Upon reading that headline, the Bishop dropped dead and was buried the next day. -
A 86-year-old man went to his doctor for his annual check-up….
The doctor asked him how he was feeling, and the 86-year-old said, “Things are great and I’ve never felt better. I now have a 20-year-old bride who is pregnant with my child! So what do you
think about that Doc?”
The doctor considered his question for a minute and then began to tell a story. “I have an older friend, much like you, who is an avid hunter and never misses a season.”
“One day he was setting off to go hunting. In a bit of a hurry, he accidentally picked up his walking cane instead of his gun….
As he neared the lake, he came across a very large male beaver sitting at the water’s edge.”
“He realized he’d left his gun at home and so he couldn’t shoot the magnificent creature. Out of habit he raised his cane, aimed it at the animal as if it were his favorite hunting rifle, and went ‘bang, bang’….
Miraculously, two shots rang out and the beaver fell over dead.
Now, what do you think of that?” asked the doctor.
The 86-year-old said, “Logic would strongly suggest that somebody else pumped a couple of rounds into that beaver.”
The doctor replied, “My point exactly.” -
Hey yuh all giving all of yuh a holla
still enjoying yuh jokes.
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A Husband is at home watching a football game when his wife interrupts; “honey, could you fix the light in the hallway? It’s been flickering for weeks now.”
He looks at her and say’s angrily, “fix the light now? Does it look like I have GE written on my forehead? I don’t think so.”
Then the wife asks, “well then, could you fix the fridge door” it won’t close right.” To which he replied, “fix the fridge door? Does it look like I have Westinghouse written on my forehead? I don’t think so.”
“Fine,” she says; “then you could at least fix the steps to the front door, they are about to break.” “I’m not a carpenter and I don’t want to fix steps’; he says, “does it look like I have Ace Hardware written on my forehead? I don’t think so. I’ve had enough of you. I’m going to the bar.”
He goes to the bar and drinks for a few hours… He starts to feel guilty about how he treated his wife and decides to go home.
As he walks close to the house, he notices that the steps are already repaired.
As he enters the house, he sees the hall light is working.
As he goes to get a beer, he notices the fridge door is fixed.“Honey”, he asks, “how did all this get fixed?” She said, “well, when you left I sat outside and cried; a nice young man asked me what was wrong and I told him. He offered to do the repairs, and all I had to do was either go to bed with him or bake a cake.”
The husband asked, “so what kind of cake did you bake?”
She replied, “Hellooooo! Do you see Betty Crocker written on my forehead” I don’t think so!
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A guy enters confession and says to the priest with guilt, “I had an affair … almost.”
The priest says, “What do you mean almost?’”
The guy says, “Well, we got undressed and rubbed against each other, but then I stopped.”
“In the eyes of the Lord, rubbing against each other is the same as putting it in,” says the priest. “For your penance, say five Hail Mary’s and put $20 in the poor box.”
The guy leaves the confessional, says his prayers, then walks over to the poor box. He pauses for a moment then starts to leave.
The priest, seeing this, quickly runs over to him and says, “You didn’t put any money in the poor box!”
The guy stops and says, “Yeah, but I rubbed the $20 on the box, and in the eyes of the Lord, that’s the same as putting it in.”
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Where do you get yours Sapidillo? LMAO!!
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Sapadilla
Luv it. “It’s the same as puttin it in man.” Dat baddddddddddd.Now,what did Santa say to the 3 prositutes at the corner?
“Ho, ho, ho”. -
Sapidillo are you a size Queen…?
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BAFBFP
It in de size a de ship but de motion a de ocean.
I luv my ROK be he king, queen or toof-pik.
Ya perv. -
The Day the Penis asked for a Raise
I, the Penis, hereby request a raise in salary for the following reasons:
* I do physical labor.
* I work at great depths.
* I plunge headfirst into everything I do.
* I do not get weekends or public holidays off.
* I work in a damp environment.
* I work in a dark workplace that has poor ventilation.
* I work in high temperatures.
* My work exposes me to contagious diseases.
Sincerely,
P. NissThe Response…
Dear Penis:
After assessing your request, and considering the arguments you have raised, the administration rejects your request for the following reasons:* You do not work 8 hours straight.
* You fall asleep after brief work periods.
* You do not always follow the orders of the management team.
* You do not stay in your designated area and are often seen visiting other locations
* You do not take initiative – you need to be pressured and stimulated in order to start working
* You leave the workplace rather messy at the end of your shift.
* You don’t always observe necessary safety regulations, such as wearing the correct protective clothing.
* You will retire well before you are 65.
* You are unable to work double shifts.
* You sometimes leave your designated work area before you have completed the assigned task
And if that were not all, you have been seen constantly entering and exiting the workplace carrying two suspicious-looking bags.
Sincerely,
V. Gina -
A young boy went up to his father and said, “dad, the teacher gave us an assignment to determine the difference between POTENTIALLY and REALISTICALLY; can you help me?”
The father thought for a moment, then answered. “Go ask your mother if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars. Then ask your sister if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars, and then, ask your brother if he’d sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars. Come back and tell me what you learn from that.”
So the boy went to his mother and asked, “Would you sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars?”
The mother replied, “Of course I would! We could really use that money to fix up the house and send you kids to a great University!”The boy then went to his sister and asked, “would you sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars?” The girl replied, “Oh my God! I LOVE Brad Pitt I would sleep with him in a heartbeat, are you nuts?!?!?!”
The boy then went to his brother and asked, “would you sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars?”
“Of course,” the brother replied. “Do you know how much a million bucks would buy?”The boy pondered the answers for a few days, then went back to his dad. His father asked him, “did you find out the difference between POTENTIALLY and REALISTICALLY?”
The boy replied, “yes… POTENTIALLY, you and I are sitting on three million dollars……………
But REALISTICALLY,……… we’re living with two whores and a queer. -
A woman thought her man was cheating on her. Since she didn’t have a lot of money to hire an expensive Private Investigator, she decided to go with a much cheaper one — a Chinese woman named Mrs. Lee.
The following day she received the following report….
Most honorable madam:
You leave house. I watch house.
She come to house. I watch.
He and she leave house. I follow.
He and she go in hotel.
I climb tree. I look in window.
He kiss she. She kiss he.
He strip she. She strip he.
He play with she. She play with he.
I play with me. I fall off tree. I not see.No fee,
Mrs. Chen Lee -
HA!HA!———————————–
Keep up the good work.
Anybody needs aROAD MANAGER
GREeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeenRIngggggggggggggg
ref to the indian joke -
Tenjooberrymuds——-
By the time you read through this, you will understand ‘tenjooberrymuds’.
In order to keep getting by in America, we all need to learn the new ENGLISH language. Practise by reading the following conversation until you are able to understand the term ‘tenjooberrymuds’.
With a little patience, you’ll be able to fit right in with the growing trends.
Here goes:
The following is a telephone conversation between a hotel guest and room service.Room Service: Morrin. Roon Sirbees.
Guest: Sorry, I thought I dialled Room Service.
Room Service: Rye.Roon Sirbees……..morrin. Joowish to oddor sunteen?
G: Uh,yes………I’d like to order bacon n eggs.
R.S: Ow july den?
G: What?
R.S: Ow july den? pryed, boyud,poochd?
G: Oh, the eggs? How would I like them? Sorry, scrambled please.
R.S: Ow july dee baykem? Crease?
G: Crisp will be fine, yes.
R.S: Hokay. An sahn toes?
G: What?
R.S: An toes? July sahn toes?
G: I……….don’t think so.
R.S: No? Judo wan sahn toes?
G: I feel really bad about this but I don’t know what ‘Judo wan sahn toes’ means.
R.S: Toes, toes. Why joo don juan toes?Ow bow Anglish moppin we bodder?
G:
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G: Oh English muffin? I’ve got it, you were saying toast? Fine, yes, an English muffin will be just fine.
R.S: We bodder?
G: No, just put the bodder on the side.
R.S: Wad?
G: I mean butter……….. just put the butter on the side.
R.S: Copy?
G: Excuse me?
R.S: Copy……. tea…..meel?
G: Yes, coffee please………and that’s everything.
R.S: One minnie. Scramah egg,crease baykem, Anglish moppin we bodder on sigh and copy, rye?
G: Whatever you say.
R.S: Tenjooberrymuds.
Oh my God————sad but funny.
Habagooda.
G: You’re welcome.
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You think English is easy???
1) The farm was used to PRODUCE PRODUCE.
2) The dump was so full that it had to REFUSE more REFUSE.
3) Why must we POLISH the POLISH Furniture.
4) He could LEAD if he would get the LEAD out.
5) The soldier decided to DESERT his dessert in the DESERT.
6) Since there is no time like the PRESENT, he thought it was time to PRESENT the PRESENT.
7) A BASS was painted on the head of the BASS drum.
8) He shot at the DOVE and DOVE into the bushes.
9) I did not OBJECT to the OBJECT.
10) The insurance was INVALID for the INVALID.
11) There was a ROW among the oarsmen about how to ROW
12) They were too CLOSE to the door to CLOSE it.
13) To help with planting, the farmer taught his SOW to SOW.
14) The WIND was too strong to WIND the sail.
15) Upon seeing the TEAR in the painting I shed a TEAR.
16) I had to SUBJECT the SUBJECT to a series of tests.
17) How can I INTIMATE this to my most INTIMATE friend?
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You lovers of the English Language might enjoy this.
There is a two-letter word that perhaps has more meanings than any other two-letter word, and that is ‘UP.’
It’s easy to understand UP, meaning toward the sky or at the top of the list, but when we awaken in the morning, why do we wake UP? At a meeting, why does a topic come UP? Why do we speak UP and why are the officers UP for election, and why is it UP to the Secretary to write UP a report?
We call UP our friends. And we use it to brighten UP a room, polish UP the silver; we warm UP the leftovers and clean UP the kitchen. We lock UP the house and some guys fix UP the old car.
At other times the little word has real special meaning. People stir UP trouble, line UP for tickets, work UP an appetite, and think UP excuses. To be dressed is one thing, but to be dressedUP is special.
And this UP is confusing: A drain must be opened UP because it is stoppedUP. We open UP a store in the morning but we close it UP at night. We seem to be pretty mixed UP about UP!
To be knowledgeable about the proper uses of UP, look the word UP in the dictionary. In a desk-sized dictionary, it takes UP almost 1/4th of the page and can add UP to about thirty definitions. If you are UP to it, you might try building UP a list of the many ways UP is used. It will take UP a lot of your time, but if you don’t give UP, you may wind UP with a hundred or more.
When it threatens to rain, we say it is clouding UP . When the sun comes out we say it is clearing UP…
When it rains, it wets the earth and often messes things UP.
When it doesn’t rain for awhile, things dry UP.One could go on and on, but I’ll wrap it UP, for now my time is UP, so……..it is time to shut UP!
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Don’t want you to Sapidillo….but that’s UP to you…..LMAO!!
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