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Melissa Martin, Ph.D., is an author, columnist, educator, and therapist. She lives in US

To prevent and stop violence against women, men in every country on planet earth need to stand up and speak out. Males of all races, religions, and cultures. Married, single, or partnered males. Politicians, police, and preachers. Young, middle-age, or elderly. Males from all socioeconomic backgrounds. All males—everywhere.

Mothers, sisters, and daughters are victims of domestic violence. Wives, live-in partners, and girlfriends are victims of domestic violence. Relatives are victims of domestic violence. Neighbors are victims of domestic violence. Teenagers are victims of dating violence. Children are victims of family violence.

Throughout history it’s been women at the forefront for change at the grassroots level as they marched for police, the courts, and the government to pass and enforce laws to prevent and intervene in family violence.

Where are the male voices? Why aren’t men involved in preventing domestic violence? Will men listen to men?

Now, when it comes to men and male culture, the goal is to get men who are not abusive to challenge men who are,” proclaimed Jackson Katz at TEDxFiDiWomen. He continued, “We need more men with the guts, with the courage, with the strength, with the moral integrity to break our complicit silence and challenge each other and stand with women and not against them.

Journalist for The Guardian, Anna Moore interviewed Patrick Stewart (Star Trek’s Captain Picard) and the Hart brothers at a 2018 domestic violence charity event before they took the stage to speak. Moore asked why these three men are speaking out.

Why? “Because domestic violence is a man’s problem…We are the ones who are committing the offences, performing the cruel acts, controlling and denying. It’s the men,” Patrick Stewart commented after sharing that his father abused his mother.

Why? “To tackle domestic abuse, you need to look at masculinity,” Luke Hart asserted. “Our father’s need for control came from his beliefs on what it means to be a man. I think most men – like me, before this happened – don’t realize how dangerous it is.” In 2016 in a small town in England, Lance Hart shot Claire, his wife, and 19-year-old daughter Charlotte, four days after the women had left him. Both died. Ryan and Luke Hart have become advocates against domestic violence.

Resource

A CALL TO MEN is internationally recognized for training and educating men to embrace and promote a healthy, respectful manhood.  The organization’s approach is grounded in the social ecological model, advocated by the Centers for Disease Control, as a framework for primary prevention of gender-based violence.

A CALL TO MEN partners with schools, universities, corporations, government, social service agencies, military installations, communities to end all forms of violence and discrimination against women and girls.

A CALL TO MEN educates men all over the world on healthy, respectful manhood.  Embracing and promoting a healthy, respectful manhood prevents violence against women, sexual assault and harassment, bullying and many other social ills.

A CALL TO MEN is a violence prevention organization and respected leader on issues of manhood, male socialization and its intersection with violence, and preventing violence against all women and girls. www.acalltomen.org.

Men that live on all continents in every country and in every home need to speak out both personally and publicly against domestic violence. Men need to speak to men. Fathers need to speak to sons. Now is the time for a planet-wide movement: Men Against Domestic Violence.

Men, are you listening?

156 responses to “Will Men Speak out Against Domestic Violence?”


  1. Once you address the fragility of male ego, then you would have address the issue of male violence towards women…


  2. Now I am not sayng nor I am denying the fact that males are the primary abusers in romantic relatiinship, but no way in the article did read female on female violence which is very high in lesbian relationships …

  3. poorpeacefulandpolite Avatar
    poorpeacefulandpolite

    Insecurity is at the root of all violence.


  4. Gays have a predilection to violence in their ‘relationships’ and if they ever commissioned a survey, which they won’t because of political correctness, it would show that they punched far above their weight in this arena, to coin a phrase.
    Likewise the barbarian community of islam has plenty of form in this regard. Of course their bin bags do not report it often for obvious reasons of stoning, beheading and dismemberment.


  5. The serious matter of domestic abuse will not attract the attention of the people here. It is neither political, religious or salacious. No wonder things stay the same.


  6. Gays have a predilection to violence in their ‘relationships’ and if they ever commissioned a survey, which they won’t because of political correctness, it would show that they punched far above their weight in this arena, to coin a phrase.

    ++++++++++++++++++++++++

    Male gays or female gays?

    … just asking!!!


  7. Both John – the women are the more vicious though.


  8. @ David
    “The serious matter of domestic abuse will not attract the attention of the people here. It is neither political, religious or salacious. No wonder things stay the same.”

    Perhaps the only real noteworthy effort of the last administration, was that of legislation in relation to domestic violence.
    Abuse of any form against women, children and the elderly , needs tough and enforced laws and eternal vigilance on the part of all members of the society.

  9. Vincent Codrington Avatar
    Vincent Codrington

    @ David BU

    The article profiled men negatively. What do you expect the majority of your bloggers, who are men, .to say? The moot was not neutral. We know from previous discussions that domestic violence has no gender,whether the violence be psychological or physical. The law appears to favour the female.

    Having said all that, the pursuit of love and peace under-girded with a healthy dose of self respect are the key ingredients to the reduction of all violence.


  10. @William

    The job of fighting this scourge is a never ending fight.

    For some reason human beings especially in our culture resort to abuse of fellow beings regardless of financial or educational standing.


  11. @Vincent

    Then it is up to men to lead a counter discussion.


  12. @ David
    The truth is that some men have problems accepting that women are no longer under our thumbs as they were in the past. This is a topic that needs honest ventilation.
    It touches on almost every aspect of our existence: politics, sextuality and rapidly changing sexual and relationship norms.
    The emergence of female prime ministers in the Caribbean; same sex marriages; changing economic climate for women etc all seems too much for some men to handle.
    The days of “father knows best” or daddy calling the shots because he is the only bread winner are basically over.
    Even at the highest level of cricket, our women folk are performing better.
    In many ways our men are seeing their dominance threatened or eroded .


  13. Poorpeacefulandpolite

    “Insecurity is at the root of all violence”

    Utter nonsense …
    I do not know how you can attributed insecurity with a man who victimizes me and take what I have- greed, evil or probably hunger is at the root of such violence …

    Now if you say to me that insecurity, cultural-ethos and mental-illness are at the root of a man who physically assaults a woman, then I probably might agree with you, but insecurity alone I beg to defer …


  14. Agree generally with your opinion, however, it seems there is an approach in Barbados to settle on a confrontational posture. Women generate more sympathy because physical abuse is metted out by men on women to a greater degree. We have to move to a position where there is a mutual acceptance, we must show respect at all times to all people.

    Are we expecting too much?


  15. William Skinner

    “Women seems to much for men to handle”

    You are speaking with tone of an insecure man, because why would a man want to control a woman if he views her as his coequal?


  16. David

    You always leave us to wonder when you will come home to the Great Mother.

    When you will arrive at the juncture where you could concede that none of these systems can deliver an absence of violence, however manifested.

    For the popular narratives about violence against women are intricately linked to all other forms of brutality.

    When Western ‘civilization’ teaches us, for example. that women and their divine prowess are to be commodified in wall-to-wall advertisements everywhere, is that not also a form of violence. Women bodies are used to sell everything from widgets to aircraft carriers.

    And if forms of violence are part of popular culture, could it not be expected to manifest itself just like the society projects it?

    At the centre, a lot of money is made by selling sex and no amount of pleadings, or jailings, or cutting off hands of offenders, are going to correct this.

    It should tell us something that the same people who built an industry on the commodification of women are trying to now sell us the notion that bulling could be as pervasive, a dominate cultural formation.

    Again, these things are linked. Not only to violence against women, and what it means to be a woman, but represent crimes against humanity.

    We started by besieging you to return to the Great Mother. You can start by recognizing that any belief system which is built on Her exclusion from the centre of spiritual systems, as itself a primordial form of violence, can only continue the generalizations wrought.


  17. William Skinner

    A man have to abandon the idea that once he marries a woman that she becomes his possession; this is the problem with most weak men who really do not understand themselves far less more the women their have…

  18. Vincent Codrington Avatar
    Vincent Codrington

    @ David BU at 11 :15 AM

    Bajan men, having had their positions ventilated several times, should default to our customary position: stop talking and watch as solutions evolve.

  19. Vincent Codrington Avatar
    Vincent Codrington

    Do weak women not exhibit these same characteristics? It is not a male thing.


  20. @Pacha

    We have to believe what separates human beings from the others is the capacity to be civil read demonstrate respect for our fellow man.


  21. @Vincent

    Life is dynamic. There is no room to watch, we must always be doing.


  22. Just because modern society objectifies women that does not mean we have to follow the examples of modern society as a basis for treating or mistreating a woman – we could going Proverbs 31, and see what qualities a Virtuous Woman possesses as basis for choose a mate …


  23. Vincent Codrington

    A woman’s first male relationship is with her father if she has one, and upon this one relationship she bases all others … so it pays to be good fathers if we wish to have good women …

  24. Vincent Codrington Avatar
    Vincent Codrington

    @ David BU at 11 :50 AM

    It is always safe to watch and learn rather than to be hyper-active and make a bad situation worse. One must seek to understand the dynamics first. One needs to ask:” what is driving this change?”


  25. The time has come when we men can no longer be asked to speak out on domestic abuse of females only when we men know of the shit that we have had to endure at the hands of women. Furthermore, it’s pointless having any discussions with the expectations of changes if the women aren’t going to accept their responsibilities. It’s long past that era where as one pointed out, the women were under our thumbs. For the most part in recent times, domestic abuse does not occur in a vacuum in western societies.


  26. Vincent Codrington

    A man who physically, sexually, emotionally, financially and psychologically abuses his woman really do not understand her or what she emotionally response to … I am always present with the woman I have, and to the point where she often says to me: you always observe everything I do … and this not an insecurity but just being intune with her …

  27. Vincent Codrington Avatar
    Vincent Codrington

    @ Lexicon at 11:58 AM

    I agree with you 100%.
    Similarly men tend to marry women who have some of the characteristics of their mothers. So it is important for women to demonstrate to their sons what good women/wives are like.
    An objective test of this is that a young man always takes a girl, about whom he is serious, home to get his mothers opinion. He does not even have to ask his mother what she thinks. He observes the mother’s body language.


  28. @ Lexicon

    “Women seems to much for men to handle”
    I don’t think I said that. Don’t know why you put it in quotation.
    Please note I was not writing about myself- it was just a commentary.
    Far from being insecure, I champion womens’ rights and have expressed similar views elsewhere.


  29. Whitehill

    Question: why do men find it difficult to let go of a woman that has told and demonstrated to him that she no longer wants him …?

    It would seem as though rejection by woman does something to the ego if a man … until he believes that the only way to prevent her from having other is to kill or mamed her…

    I am not like other men because when a woman shows me that she no longer wants me … I hit the highway faster than Usain Bolt …


  30. Maimed


  31. William Skinner

    My apology …I am little dyslexic


  32. Please Mr. Lexicon, I’m not about you and your bull shit. All of this cute regurgitated bull shit you’re doing here I’m not impressed. Wait until Piece of the rock wakes up and then engage him.


  33. “The serious matter of domestic abuse will not attract the interest of the people here”
    Bit of a dismissive, not to say, contemptuous attitude towards your contributors there David, and demonstrably off the mark.
    Plenty of interest, though little in the male victims, whose numbers are ever increasing due to political correctness. and Neanderthal attitudes. The female of the species is deadlier than the male.


  34. Whitehill

    I do not have boast of the women I have had since I have been in this country …. here is the list: Portuguese, Hispanic, Jamaican Chinese, Trinidadian Chinese, Jamaican East Indian, African American, Antiguan, Ugandan, Ghanaian, haft white Barbadian, and load of Barbadian young girls when I used to visited Barbados as a younger man. So I know a thing or two about women brother …so why would I wish to impressed you…?
    and who are you to impress?


  35. Whitehill

    If you have had a Jamaican woman you have been tested beyond measure … Indian, Chinese or Black and I have had all three of them …


  36. @Lexicon

    Take a time-out.


  37. There are some men on BU which i would catergorizes or identify as having the potentcy to be domestic abusers given their tone and preference of language towards the females who frequent this blog those which they disagree
    There are some masculine traits which when these men exercise in their writing skills makes one asked the question if they had were involved in female relationships which went sour
    For with certainty there words does not identify them as men having loving or caring ❤ towards women.
    I mostly tend to belive that these men are gladen and satified by the heart that the can mask their identity and abuse women on BU


  38. Do you have anything constructive to add to the discussion?

    Tiny minds attack people, not issues.

    Tiny female minds provoke men.


  39. Whitehill

    President Clinton signed into law the Violence Against Women Act in 1994, and thing about this Act is that in addition to jailed time for the man who has been convicted of beating a woman … the woman can then turn around and suit the perpetrator for punitive damages for injuries suffered at the hands of her abuser..


  40. David

    The thing about we men is that we have a serious problem with abuse, whether it be physical, sexual, psychological or emotional, and it makes no sense being in denial of this fact … because the statistics is against us.
    The statistics tells us that if you see 10 women walking, 8 of the 10 have been sexually abused by a man …


  41. When i speak i speak truth my words only bothers or convict those individual with a guilty conscience
    Since you David was first to fly out the BU box to attack my words it bodes well to say my comment struck a raw nerve whiich belongs to you
    For whatever might comment serves or for whar purpose i do plea gulity of telling you when i wrote my comment i was thinking of you and a few others of your thinking
    Have a nice day


  42. David

    There’s something about the male psyche that is very evil when we start to examine serial killers like: Green River Killer, Jeffrey Dahmer, Son of Sam, Richard Ramirez, Ted Bundy, John Wayne Gacy in comparison to Aileen Carol Wuornos the female serial killer …


  43. 45govt

    If men do not have a problem with violence, why is it then that in United States, Barbados and all of the other countries in the World today, men outnumber women in the prison population?

    And why is it that when we look at the Sex Offenders Registry in the United States and other parts of the world, men outnumber women, and the population of women are more than that of men worldwide?

    What is it the drinking water or male testosterone levels?


  44. @45govt December 29, 2018 1:13 PM “The female of the species is deadlier than the male.”

    Not true.


  45. Men will speak out against domestic violence when misogyny ends.

    I don’t expect misogyny to end in my lifetime, nor in the lifetime of my daughters, nor my granddaughters.

    S-A-D.


  46. Whitehill

    I am not partial to the female gender on the issue of violence, because I cognizant of the fact that some women and are as violent as men, but that does not go without saying that men have a lot of work yet to be done in order address a lot of their antisocial and unproductive behaviour.

    Now the Bible tells men not give their strength to women or ways that destroys Kings, and this seems to be our biggest weakness as men … Adam, Samson and David had all been guilty of this moral sin… how can a woman respect you when you voluntarily handover your manhood/ power to her?
    .


  47. In canada we have a way of taming down that sexmanic,dangerous spitfire part of a woman………we feed them wedding cake.


  48. Power and control is at the root of domestic violence


  49. Lawson

    Then you have
    obviously underestimed the intrinsic nature of the female species…because the Bible implores the male to lust not after her beautify in thy, heart neither let her take thee with thy eyelid, for by the means of worshipping a woman, a man is bought to a piece of bread.
    Do really understand the potential danger the lies within the female species?
    I have long recognized this potential danger and I have therefore, prepared myself a defence against her attack … lol


  50. Yes u can learn a lot about women by being in tune with them and yourself. A healthy dose of self esteem, respect and responsibility is required.

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