Will Men Speak out Against Domestic Violence?

Screenshot 2018-12-28 at 19.26.37

Melissa Martin, Ph.D., is an author, columnist, educator, and therapist. She lives in US

To prevent and stop violence against women, men in every country on planet earth need to stand up and speak out. Males of all races, religions, and cultures. Married, single, or partnered males. Politicians, police, and preachers. Young, middle-age, or elderly. Males from all socioeconomic backgrounds. All males—everywhere.

Mothers, sisters, and daughters are victims of domestic violence. Wives, live-in partners, and girlfriends are victims of domestic violence. Relatives are victims of domestic violence. Neighbors are victims of domestic violence. Teenagers are victims of dating violence. Children are victims of family violence.

Throughout history it’s been women at the forefront for change at the grassroots level as they marched for police, the courts, and the government to pass and enforce laws to prevent and intervene in family violence.

Where are the male voices? Why aren’t men involved in preventing domestic violence? Will men listen to men?

Now, when it comes to men and male culture, the goal is to get men who are not abusive to challenge men who are,” proclaimed Jackson Katz at TEDxFiDiWomen. He continued, “We need more men with the guts, with the courage, with the strength, with the moral integrity to break our complicit silence and challenge each other and stand with women and not against them.

Journalist for The Guardian, Anna Moore interviewed Patrick Stewart (Star Trek’s Captain Picard) and the Hart brothers at a 2018 domestic violence charity event before they took the stage to speak. Moore asked why these three men are speaking out.

Why? “Because domestic violence is a man’s problem…We are the ones who are committing the offences, performing the cruel acts, controlling and denying. It’s the men,” Patrick Stewart commented after sharing that his father abused his mother.

Why? “To tackle domestic abuse, you need to look at masculinity,” Luke Hart asserted. “Our father’s need for control came from his beliefs on what it means to be a man. I think most men – like me, before this happened – don’t realize how dangerous it is.” In 2016 in a small town in England, Lance Hart shot Claire, his wife, and 19-year-old daughter Charlotte, four days after the women had left him. Both died. Ryan and Luke Hart have become advocates against domestic violence.

Resource

A CALL TO MEN is internationally recognized for training and educating men to embrace and promote a healthy, respectful manhood.  The organization’s approach is grounded in the social ecological model, advocated by the Centers for Disease Control, as a framework for primary prevention of gender-based violence.

A CALL TO MEN partners with schools, universities, corporations, government, social service agencies, military installations, communities to end all forms of violence and discrimination against women and girls.

A CALL TO MEN educates men all over the world on healthy, respectful manhood.  Embracing and promoting a healthy, respectful manhood prevents violence against women, sexual assault and harassment, bullying and many other social ills.

A CALL TO MEN is a violence prevention organization and respected leader on issues of manhood, male socialization and its intersection with violence, and preventing violence against all women and girls. www.acalltomen.org.

Men that live on all continents in every country and in every home need to speak out both personally and publicly against domestic violence. Men need to speak to men. Fathers need to speak to sons. Now is the time for a planet-wide movement: Men Against Domestic Violence.

Men, are you listening?

156 comments

  • “I do not have boast of the women I have had since I have been in this country …. here is the list: Portuguese, Hispanic, Jamaican Chinese, Trinidadian Chinese, Jamaican East Indian, African American, Antiguan, Ugandan, Ghanaian, haft white Barbadian”

    Lexicon….

    Are you sure you weren’t a regular patron at a brothel or several brothels?

    Being involved in several relationships with so many women means you’re either a womanizer, an exploiter of women (in other words, you emotionally abuse women)………

    ……………you don’t know how to build a lasting relationship, there is something wrong with you, for example a superiority complex…..or you paid for services rendered.

    If it is the latter, perhaps you were a regular in Nelson Street at the Zanzibar Club (which in your mind could account for the Ugandan and Ghanaian) or Castro’s where in your mind you met Hispanic women……..

    …….and Bridgette International and Copa Cabanna, which were clubs famous for having a “stock” of women of diverse nationalities. And as for the “loads of Barbadian young girls,” was Bush Hill a popular spot “when (you) used to visit Barbados as a younger man?”

    If it’s not the latter, then…..based on your multiple posts……… I’m thinking maybe you talk a bit too much and about things you have absolutely no idea about. That is a real turn off for woman.

    Other “turn offs” are a man bragging about how many women with whom he was involved…….they tend to ask themselves questions about him and his ability to develop and commit to a meaningful relationship……and a man attempting to convince them he knows everything about women’s issues because he was involved in multiple relationships.

    Ohhhh, and by the way….. although some women may be impressed with a man dat duz use nuff “big words,” when he starts to incorporate “green verbs” wid dem “big words,” according to you, she gine hit de highway faster than Usain Bolt.

    Like

  • HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!

    Like

  • pieceuhderockyeahright

    Oh dear, oh dear…

    @ the Honourable Blogmaster your assistance please heheheheheh

    Lexicunt has just threatened 45Govt, Mr William Skinner and de ole man with physical violence.

    Indeed Donkey said and I do quote

    “…who will be checking out for good in a few years if not that long …”

    Now de ole man will not mention to Donkey that “it is appointed unto every man go die….AND THEN THE JUDGEMENT…for his peanut tyrannosaurus rex brain cannot process that but…

    If donkey did in fact give us some years to live BUT THEN RETURN GO THAT DIVINELY ALLOTED TIME and say “…if not that long…” be ole man puts it to you dat Donkey is threatening 3 men!!!

    Indeed Honourable Blogmaster I would go further and say dat Donkey, IN ADDITION TO TRYING TO KILL DE BU BLOG, and all the people in the Rum Shop, with his idiocy, has now focused on 3 anonymice and made threat go our lives!

    I am asking for immediate Rumshop brimler protection from this well known psychopath and arsonist and unplugged of critical medical equipment and life preserver machines while charging his Samsung phone

    But in all seriousness Honourable Blogmaster Donkey killing this topic.

    I would love to hear the thoughts of its author as it relates to her perceived utility about signing the petition.

    How is this overt, meaningless click on a website going to convert into address intimate partner violence, child and or elder abuse diminution?

    Dont get me wrong.

    Because, AS OPPOSED TO CLICKING ON A LIKE ON A PETITION WEBSITE, de old man us more disposed to the secure anonymous publication of instances of abuse where quasi validated evidence is posted on VIRTUAL WALLS OF SHAME which is where de ole man is going in 2019

    Like

  • Most notably yesterday in my comments i threw a sprat and i caught a whale
    My comments were with intent to expose the verbal abuse which men have committed on woman without any form of reprisal or condemnation by their fellow male gender here on BU
    Needless to say that my actions to expose many of these men on BU would not have been welcomed
    Hopefully for this New Year some of these men on BU would pay more attention to how they try to manhandle the female gender on BU with their outrageous writing style connected and associated with verbal abuse
    Happy New Year To All to all those men carrying a weed whacker on BU and those who cannot afford to buy one in these harsh economic times

    Like

  • cortez and waters can give her a run for her money.

    Liked by 1 person

  • pieceuhderockyeahright

    @ the Honourable Blogmaster Your assistance please with an item of drivel here thank you

    Like

  • “Your proficient grammaticality and your the ability to confabulate with lucidity and intelligibility does not move one iota….”

    Lexicon

    Liked by 1 person

  • How about this genius lawson? You really could not make it up – you don’t think he could be related to our blog-submerging wordsmith?

    Like

  • Mariposa you caught a narwhale …Lexicon has shoving that thing all over the islands, claiming he almost had a white woman even, what chance have you or your ilk got once he has cast his gaze upon you.lol. But lets get it right bad economy,cheap booze is a recipe for disaster I think it will get worse before it gets better.

    Like

  • David

    Who is this 45govt? And from whence he came? And why is he allotted the necessary space on BU to promote an agenda that has little or no relavance to the affairs of the people of Barbados?

    Like

  • “I have been on this blog since my early forties, so I am yet young, but the same can’t be said for You, Peice, and Skinner who will be checking out for good in a few years if not that long …”

    Lexicon

    Your above comment is not only silly and insensitive……… but childish as well.

    What could prevent you “from cocking up and deading today?

    How do you know if your number would not be called tomorrow?

    +++++++++++++++++++++++++

    “Your proficient grammaticality and your the ability to confabulate with lucidity and intelligibility does not move one iota…..”

    Well, well, well……..

    I’m convinced Lexicon is the “epitome of domestic violence.”

    With the amount of shiite he has been posting in response to this article……. the police at District A should charge him for phycological and emotional abuse (and for manipulating the English language as well).

    Liked by 2 people

  • 45 you are making me laugh really there are some dumb people out there that can get jobs because of charisma and looks our prime minister for one.

    Liked by 1 person

  • Artax

    My age tells me that I have time left, but reality confirms that because of 45govt advanced age that he doesn’t have long left… yes I can die anytime, but I can also live to a hundred year of age. So what is your point?

    Like

  • Artax

    What benefit would it be to be proficient in English if a man puts a gun to your head, and tell you that he would take you life if you cannot tell him whether a tomato is a fruit or vegetable?

    Like

  • Lexicon claims I dont pay attention to what he writes,……or something like that

    Liked by 1 person

  • Artax

    Go and study the difference between intelligence, knowledge and wisdom, and then come back and we can have a conversation…

    wisdom

    Like

  • Three things absent in your shell Leximoron, so what would you converse about?

    Like

  • 118 comments to date on this thread…and 42 alone from the verbal diarrhea expert, Leximoron.
    When is enough enough?

    Like

  • Artax

    The two biggest misconceptions in academic education:
    1) proficient in English is good measure of intelligence …it is just a language
    2) And if it is difficult it is deep….

    Like

  • Never a truer statement was made here on BU.

    Like

  • PoorPeacefulandPolite

    Couples in underdeveloped, subsistence economies will keep on having offspring until a boy is born in the (mistaken) belief that the boy will grow to “protect” and expand the prosperity of the family. This is probably another reason why there tends to be a world imbalance in gender numbers . . . . As societies come to be modernized, the value of boychildren becomes less evident. In fact women seem to be making a more positive contribution to family prosperity and eldercare than us men. One of he unintended consequence of development is therefore the growth of male insecurity in sex and general productivity. Doesn’t inequality in almost every sphere engender to abuse and hostility? Why do we keep being surprised? I say the co-educational system is a major culprit.

    Like

  • 45govt

    Verbosity, loquacious, garrulous, tautology, 43 comments

    Like

  • What do we do about the women who don’t seem to get it? Most women are ecstatic when men deem their bodies worthy of being used to sell commodities and look down on those not among “The Chosen Ones.” Those of us who see through it all are dismissed as just being envious. In Barbados a woman’s big ass is supposedly her most valuable asset. Women are as guilty of these attitudes as men are.

    Like

  • Some of them certainly do fit that description. Thankfully not all of them.

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  • Maybe not end but I do believe it is diminishing. My son does not have a trace of misogyny. He gets angry when he encounters those who do and speaks out very loudly against it.

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  • Some women are damaged psychologically and some are just stupid. This is a call to all men and women who are not damaged or stupid. We need all these people on board to effect change in the shortest possible time frame.

    I have heard of many instances where men who get “horned” are more or less goaded into violence by unrelenting taunts from the fellas at their hangout spot. A prison officer once told me about one such incident that resulted in death by cutlass.

    Men who know better have a role to play in guiding men who don’t.

    Like

  • That is usually the justification for one man having multiple partners along with his wife. They are easing the suffering of the lonely females apparently. It has nothing to do with truth. It just suits their purpose.

    Like

  • “What benefit would it be to be proficient in English if a man puts a gun to your head, and tell you that he would take you life if you cannot tell him whether a tomato is a fruit or vegetable?”

    Hmmmm……….

    A very interesting question…….the answer would be very interesting, especially if contemplated in accordance with your way of reasoning.

    First, what does CLASSIFYING tomato have to do with being proficient in the English language?

    Secondly, as it relates to the gun issue…….

    I recall Vincent Codrington writing if a man points a gun at him, he will assume the man intends to shoot him, to which you responded as follows:

    “Stupid…Not if the man has a justifiable reason for pointing the gun at you … such as you threatened to caused him bodily harm … or threatened his life … he also point the gun at as a means to hold in place to the police arrived..” [November 26, 2018 11:33AM]

    “The difference between murder and manslaughter is the act of premeditation. So if man pull a gun on you … you automatically assumed that his intent was to shoot you? Why wouldn’t you assume that his intent was also to scare you? Why would he wanted to shoot you?” [November 26, 2018 1:38PM]

    According to you, I would have to ask myself (and the gun-man) a few questions……. “Self”……. “Yes”…. (that’s myself answering me………. not the gun-man)…….

    Because this man pulls a gun on me and asks me a question, I should not “automatically assume that his intent is to shoot me?
    Is this a practical joke and his intention is only to scare me?
    Would being unable to answer the question a justifiable reason for him to shoot me?
    Did I “threatened him bodily harm…..or threatened his life” that he asked me this question?
    Was the question asked to delay me, so he could hold me in place until the police arrive?

    Then……. I would wonder if pointing the gun at me is a criminal act, or not…. and think about “the difference between murder and manslaughter is the act of premeditation,” and “mens rea”……

    …………because, again…..according to you….”A criminal act is not a criminal act unless the mens rea is formed before or during the commission of a crime.”

    So, taking the time to talk about all the shiite you presented, would possibly cause the gun-man to conclude:

    “Dis man like he are an idiot…yuh. He en gine know if a tomato is a fruit or vegetable.”

    Like

  • What is the purpose of your post?

    Like

  • West Indian men- especially Black men across social strata- help to define themselves by an ability to secure favours from the opposite sex.

    Like

  • “Go and study the difference between intelligence, knowledge and wisdom…….”

    I’m immediately available to have a conversation with you.

    However, if you’re given a similar challenge, I will have to wait for a VERY LONG TIME before you “come back and we can have a conversation.”

    Like

  • And what have YOU contributed to the discussion so far? You have made a statement about the female of the species being deadlier than the male. This is not borne out by the facts. You have posted video of two black women you deem stupid and a black man whom you deem stupid and you have posted video of one white woman Democrat that keeps saying Bush instead of Trump. All you have done is beat up on women and black people all the time ignoring the ramblings of Lawson and worst of all Trump, whose covfefe tweets contain numerous spelling and grammatical errors.

    He did not know that “Nambia” was not a country in Africa. He did not know that Frederick Douglass was dead. He did not know the difference between England, the United Kingdom and Great Britain. He made many factual errors in talking about the Civil War. I could go on and on and on like Lexicon but I won’t bother because you have your agenda and that will not change.

    And this thread was supposed to be about enlisting the help of men in eradicating domestic violence. Clearly there will be no help forthcoming from you.

    Like

  • Notice how all the male gender big Guns who have inflicted verbal abuse on Mariposa…ac…angela Skeete etc have gone silent in their attacks now the subject of abuse on woman might have shine the spotlight on them and their vigours offensive and obsence verbal commentary on those names mentioned and others as well
    I am also prone to belive that some of these men could have been well known among the hierarchy of barbados society
    What a dam shame.
    Oh btw one Peter Wickham have been known to say such words to a female on social media asking the lady to “kiss his ass”

    Like

  • Come on Donna, your ignorance is showing. “The female of the species….” is a Kipling quote, like this one….
    “The silliest woman can manage a clever man; but it takes a very clever woman to manage a fool”
    I guess Leximoron hasn’t found her yet.

    Like

  • “Heaven grant us patience with a man in love “……..especially with himself, eh Leximoron?

    Like

  • The Truth Shall Set You Free

    Who the hell you think you are?

    You believe Barbados Underground is about YOU and you deserve some type of SPECIAL TREATMENT????

    The same way contributors lambaste the political yardfowls that come here with shyte, you will be treated accordingly whenever you come here with shyte too.

    Being female does not make you an EXCEPTION to the rule.

    BTW, I find it funny that you are getting all so emotional on men verbally abusing you on BU.

    After all, you were on BU endorsing and praising EVERY MALE GENDER BIG CANDIDATE that VERBALLY ABUSED Mia Mottley at the DLP’s campaign launch meeting in St Michael North East.

    And you here now shedding crocodile tears again looking for sympathy????

    What about woman on woman verbal abuse?

    There is no other woman who posts to BU that uses more vigorous offensive and obscene verbal commentary on Mia Mottley than Mariposa.

    The DLP political yardfowl in you will say she deserves it, but you must accept people also feel you deserve it too.

    Guh way…..do!!!

    Like

  • The truth shall set u Free… you might have just unmasked the real You
    Did i by any chance called your name seems as if i said something in my last comment that personally touch your raw nerve
    I find it interesting that you would approach my comments with such vigour and hostlity
    After all i was telling a Truth.

    Like

  • No i am not shedding any tears of any kind
    Just having an opportunity to exposing the hypocrisy of those among the BU house hold who thought it not of any offense to use foul and offensive language to degrade the women on BU without even knowing or meeting them personnaly
    As for politicians if they practice the art of being pretentious and hypocritical and is found to be of low moral standing they would be told and called on the carpet
    However TRUTH BE TOLD. Your ability in trying to compare any individivual life to that of a politician whose life should be beyond not clouded in shady dealings while seekkng high office is asinine

    Like

  • The Truth Shall Set You Free

    No, no, no, no, no, Mariposa!!!!!

    You DID NOT touch any raw nerve and my comments were OUTRIGHT and STRAIGHT FORWARD, NOT hostile.

    Because you responded to this post with 4 contributions in which you did not address the issue of domestic violence, but tried to make yourself out to be a VICTIM of verbal abuse on BU, when everyone here has been subjected to this abuse in one way or the other, and not only you.

    That is why I asked who do you think you are and if you feel you deserve some sort of special treatment because you are female.

    Funny enough, have you ever met Mottley, Owen Arthur or any of the people on BU you think are BLP supporters personally? Yet, you also use offensive language to degrade Mottley, Arthur and people you think are BLP supporters on a daily basis on BU, which you see as being the RIGHT THING TO DO, but when people respond to you accordingly, you come here with crocodile tears looking for sympathy.

    Why not also comment about some of the bloggers that call other bloggers semi-literate, ignorant and silly? You don’t feel that is verbal abuse too? Or are you okay with that as long as the abuse is thrown at bloggers you don’t like?

    Is this not also HYPOCRISY on your part?

    IF YOU ARE WOMAN ENOUGH TO GIVE ABUSE, YOU SHOULD BE EQUALLY WOMAN ENOUGH TO TAKE ABUSE.

    STOP TRYING TO MAKE THIS ISSUE ABOUT YOU.

    After all, the truth shall set you free.

    Like

  • The Truth Shall Set You Free

    You see why the people does got to verbally abuse you?

    You and Lexicon must still be intoxicated after consuming a lot of ganja, broad shoulders and long necks at that party you all went to last night, because you and he post a lot of folly today.

    Are you trying to tell us that a pretentious and hypocritical politician is not the SAME human being as a pretentious and hypocritical Mariposa?

    Or that verbal abuse should be set aside ONLY for pretentious and hypocritical politicians and you should RESPECT pretentious and hypocritical Mariposas?

    Since you is the one that talked about asinine, just read over your posts.

    Like

  • truth are you chasing some skirt? dont bother even a dog humping mariposa’s leg has to close its eyes.

    Like

  • Now u admit you are a verbal abuser
    If i were you i would keep mouth shut
    You seem to have a very good way of. exposing your evilness
    Wont be surprsed.if you were a victim of verbal abuse in your childhood years
    The way u responds says alot about u

    Like

  • Now u admit you are a verbal abuser
    If i were you i would keep mouth shut
    You seem to have a very good way of. exposing your evilness
    Wont be surprsed.if you were a victim of verbal abuse in your childhood years
    The way u responds says alot about u

    Like

  • The Truth Shall Set You Free

    “Now u admit you are a verbal abuser”

    You said the males on BU verbally abuse you and all I said was “You see why the PEOPLE does got to verbally abuse you?”

    Where and when in that statement did I admit I’m a verbal abuser?

    You like to spin arguments away from you when the odds are against you. I see you are not even touching the issue of you verbally abusing bloggers and praising the male DLP politicians that verbally abused Mottley at the meeting.

    Was this not verbal abuse of a female….even though she is a politician, she is a female?

    Tell us, were they wrong to do that?

    You also verbally abuse people on BU, so coming here shedding your crocodile tears looking for sympathy is hypocrisy.

    Don’e care how you try to spin it the truth is the truth.

    Like

  • Artax

    What matters most in this life is whether or not you have what is required for eternal-life when you stand before the judgment seat of Christ.

    Like

  • Artax

    Brother, are you sealed and sanctified until the day of your redemption?

    Like

  • Lexicon

    Give it a rest……..PLEASE!!!!

    Why not gather your thoughts together and post ONE contribution, rather than posting multiple times.

    Liked by 1 person

  • Truth you cant back tracked your words u all but agreed with the verbal abuse which was inflicted on woman directing your attention to me specifically
    Then you exercise your right by using politics and politicians who were spoken (of) in disparaging manner as an example to justify how i was verbally abuse on BU

    Like

  • When i verbally abuse anyone i came at a point of which i had enough of being a punching bag by the male and sometimes the female
    However it was more often the male fired the first shot which would make me use my ak47 to defend nyself
    After all my mother did not give me the birth name Fool neither would i sit idlly and let a man beat up on me physically or verbally

    Like

  • The Truth Shall Set You Free

    Truth you cant back tracked your words u all but agreed with the verbal abuse which was inflicted on woman directing your attention to me specifically
    Then you exercise your right by using politics and politicians who were spoken (of) in disparaging manner as an example to justify how i was verbally abuse on BU {Quote}

    What does this drivel mean?

    Please translate that to English.

    Like

  • Truth you well understand
    Simply put you have no defence other than to attack.
    Call it whatever u wish

    Liked by 1 person

  • Will women speak out about malicious prosecution and weaponization of such court instruments as protection orders which are now used as weapons of mass esmaculation of men?

    Like

  • 45,

    The fact that the quote was from Kipling is irrelevant. What matters is that YOU used it to make a point therefore you have adopted his opinion.

    Like

  • Yes feminism has gone too far in certain instances. But the balance of power in most cases remains with men.
    Kammie, you do have a point and I do speak out. I have a son as many women do. We should be seeking balance in gender affairs. Balance benefits all parties in the end.

    Like

  • For the record 45 – I have read Kipling. Have you read Wole Soyinka?

    Like

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