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Melissa Martin, Ph.D., is an author, columnist, educator, and therapist. She lives in US

To prevent and stop violence against women, men in every country on planet earth need to stand up and speak out. Males of all races, religions, and cultures. Married, single, or partnered males. Politicians, police, and preachers. Young, middle-age, or elderly. Males from all socioeconomic backgrounds. All males—everywhere.

Mothers, sisters, and daughters are victims of domestic violence. Wives, live-in partners, and girlfriends are victims of domestic violence. Relatives are victims of domestic violence. Neighbors are victims of domestic violence. Teenagers are victims of dating violence. Children are victims of family violence.

Throughout history it’s been women at the forefront for change at the grassroots level as they marched for police, the courts, and the government to pass and enforce laws to prevent and intervene in family violence.

Where are the male voices? Why aren’t men involved in preventing domestic violence? Will men listen to men?

Now, when it comes to men and male culture, the goal is to get men who are not abusive to challenge men who are,” proclaimed Jackson Katz at TEDxFiDiWomen. He continued, “We need more men with the guts, with the courage, with the strength, with the moral integrity to break our complicit silence and challenge each other and stand with women and not against them.

Journalist for The Guardian, Anna Moore interviewed Patrick Stewart (Star Trek’s Captain Picard) and the Hart brothers at a 2018 domestic violence charity event before they took the stage to speak. Moore asked why these three men are speaking out.

Why? “Because domestic violence is a man’s problem…We are the ones who are committing the offences, performing the cruel acts, controlling and denying. It’s the men,” Patrick Stewart commented after sharing that his father abused his mother.

Why? “To tackle domestic abuse, you need to look at masculinity,” Luke Hart asserted. “Our father’s need for control came from his beliefs on what it means to be a man. I think most men – like me, before this happened – don’t realize how dangerous it is.” In 2016 in a small town in England, Lance Hart shot Claire, his wife, and 19-year-old daughter Charlotte, four days after the women had left him. Both died. Ryan and Luke Hart have become advocates against domestic violence.

Resource

A CALL TO MEN is internationally recognized for training and educating men to embrace and promote a healthy, respectful manhood.  The organization’s approach is grounded in the social ecological model, advocated by the Centers for Disease Control, as a framework for primary prevention of gender-based violence.

A CALL TO MEN partners with schools, universities, corporations, government, social service agencies, military installations, communities to end all forms of violence and discrimination against women and girls.

A CALL TO MEN educates men all over the world on healthy, respectful manhood.  Embracing and promoting a healthy, respectful manhood prevents violence against women, sexual assault and harassment, bullying and many other social ills.

A CALL TO MEN is a violence prevention organization and respected leader on issues of manhood, male socialization and its intersection with violence, and preventing violence against all women and girls. www.acalltomen.org.

Men that live on all continents in every country and in every home need to speak out both personally and publicly against domestic violence. Men need to speak to men. Fathers need to speak to sons. Now is the time for a planet-wide movement: Men Against Domestic Violence.

Men, are you listening?


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156 responses to “Will Men Speak out Against Domestic Violence?”


  1. Jean

    Pain, hurt and betrayal too….


  2. Jean
    The thing about some women that I don’t aften see in men is that they can be conniving, deceptive and premeditated in their actions, a woman would use other man to get her man jealous, and don’t even care if she puts the other man’s life in danger…


  3. Jean

    I am not bashing, but to say that some women are cold-hearted is not an understatement, but a true statement which I have found among some of the women I have dated … a woman that I had dated years ago told me that it took her 5 years to leave her husband all the while she was sleeping in the same bed with him.

    Women are premeditated … women plan before they make their move…men just get up and leave…


  4. Dear Lord that Leximoron fellow does go on.


  5. @ Jean

    “Power and control is at the root of domestic violence.”

    You are absolutely correct!


  6. And I am going end on this note: my former girl friend from Tobago and who lived in NY at the time told me that her boy friend who was a police in Tobago, picked her up from work one evening and drove to the beach.

    And when she got to the beach he started to beat her so badly, and she further stated to me: that there was no way to run neither were there anyone to call to for help … because it was in the absolute hush of the evening on that lonely and isolated beach in Tobago. But she never told what the licks was for neither did I bothered to ask her…


  7. William Skinner

    Do you honestly believe that ever man that beats a woman does so because of power and control? Don’t buying to that narrative … when I was younger man I gave this girlfriend of mine anything she desired, and then she cheated on me … I thought about beat her at the time … until I thought about the jail time I would have to do. And it had little to do with power and control, and more to do with hurt and betrayal.


  8. Three choices
    1) Stop visiting BU
    2) Start smoking ang get so high that nothing matter
    3) Track down Lexicon and smash his keyboard. Like driving ten miles of really bad road

    @blogmaster
    Can’t you catch those posts and release them around 1:00 a.m.


  9. His love life; his conquests, his failure to satisfy …


  10. TheOGerts

    There are three things that a man desire in a,woman:
    1) A. Mother that is above him
    2) A wife that is beneath him
    3) And a lover that is equal to him

    You can’t say I haven’t taught you something about a man desire for a woman…


  11. The article is titled “Will men speak out against domestic violence” and then only talks about the violence of men towards women.

    Whilst the reverse is far less common, good men and good women should condemn ALL domestic violence. One can also admit that there are some who need better role models and to be taught that hitting solves nothing. To the many reasons given by others I will add frustration and a failure to communicate.


  12. We have a few on the blog who don’t seem to appreciate when over-commenting becomes overbearing. if it continues we will do something abut ti.


  13. Your observation like that of Vincent is accurate, however, you have to congratulate women for representing their interest. There is nothing preventing men from doing the same.

  14. Vincent Codrington Avatar
    Vincent Codrington

    Would that not pose a problem for Lexicon with his women of myriad races?


  15. As, men we have to maintain our masculine core at all times… I met this very attractive Bajan woman on one of my vacation to Bim, and she had this nice Bajan fella who drove a taxi. And this man would pick up this woman in de morning and bring her back home in the evening … and she gine sah to me she don’t like he but he like she. Then she put me in de man taxi and drove me around Barbados using de man gas and de man looking at me through the mirror real screw like I was de problem. And to make matter worse … he drove us to the spot where she got christened… poor fella …he might have done the same to me had he been me …

  16. Vincent Codrington Avatar
    Vincent Codrington

    Really ,Lexicon? Is this a new version of the doctrine of trinity?

  17. Vincent Codrington Avatar
    Vincent Codrington

    @ Lexicon

    You are a psychological abuser. You need some rehabilitation.


  18. Vincent Codrington

    You may not know this but it takes a lot to psychologically abuse a woman because they are emotionally and psychologically stronger than most men … you must try it and see…

    Those qualities I’ve listed above are what the secular man desire in the secular woman, but Christian man love His wife as Jesus love the Church and gave His very life for it… He who fineth a wife fineth a good thing and obtains the favour of the lord…

    .


  19. Vincent Codrington

    Who can find a Virtuous woman ( that statement is indicative of what) for her price is far above rubies ….


  20. David

    There is an old saying: you do not know what goes on behind closed doors.

    And I say that to say this no matter have tough the laws are against domestic violence in America, this perpetual cycle of violence still continue to occur everyday, and in every class, creed, race, political and religious persuasion and sexual orientation.

    Moreover, a conviction of domestic violence in the armed forces is an automatic discharged, because a domestic violence conviction means you cannot carry a firearm. And the same applies to law enforcement but these two grounds still have the highest rate of domestic violence in America….


  21. De ole man will ask a few questions and make a few observations

    The perspective here is biased and for one i will say that ALL DOMESTIC OR PARTNER ON PARTNER VIOLENCE is undesirable and downright wrong.

    Question #1 is the clitoral removal of a young woman by another woam DOMESTIC VIOLENCE or does that not qualify because of the peretrator?

    THis is a simple question that only requires a Yes or a No answer UNLESS ONE WILL QUALIFY IT BY WHAT ONE THINKS THE PUNISHMENT FOR THAT ACT SHOULD BE.

    A knighthood or a Prime Ministership?

    Observation # 2

    “The hand that rocks the cradle rules the world”

    As a woman who is (a) responsible for nurturing loving, caring, boy children in (b) well adjusted environments HOW DOES IT ARISE THAT WUNNA DOES OPEN YOUR LEGS TO SOME OF US DOGS OF MEN WHO DOES BEAT WUNNA?

    I mean YOU KNOW THE MAN IS MALADJUSTED FROM GET GO yet you going to foop him? or her? (de ole man has to be politically correct notwithstanding being an anachronism)

    Where are we going to point the fingers of responsibility?

    It is the men who beat me?
    It is the mother who found a criminally inclined father to foop and breed his childrun
    It is the woman who, abdicated her responsibility to nurture emotionally responsible male children?
    It is we men who does call a next feller soft when dat feller only got one woman?
    It is the water?

    We have a multitierd problem which to be frank both we men AND WUNNA WOMEN RESPONSIBLE FOR

    Why you want me as a man to sign your petition?

    Why?

    there are 9 women to every five men (in the Western hemisphere?) and if you really want to show your power WHEN YOU GET TO THE BALLOT BOXES AND YOU WISH TO SHOW YOUR POWER WHY WOULD YOU VOTE…

    (a) for a man who says “i does grab dem by de pokie?”

    (b) or for a Minister or Tourism who flagrantly talks about fooping all de women in the Pine out by *** shop during the Pre May 24th Elections?

    or

    (c) for a woman who is purported to bite out a next woman’s parts

    Let us get real and stop skirting the issues here.

    The INCOMPLETE point that is made at caption is that MEN ANS WOMEN NEED TO SPEAK UT ABOUT DOMESTIC VIOLENCE

    Like Rihanna did about Chris ??? and which all women should do if it happens to them but stop addicating your responsiilities in finding us good fathers to foop and raising sons who so love our mothers in particular and women in general that we walk to fvck away when there is an altercation or when wunna leff we chvnts or HORN WE ASS

    as opposed to puncturing every tire pun wunna car like a specific Minister did and continues to do…

  22. poorpeacefulandpolite Avatar
    poorpeacefulandpolite

    The typical parent in my generation raised their boy children to “look after themselves” – and the girls in the family to look after other people and be nurturing, docile and do housekeeping. I don’t accept that domestic violence in the world has grown worse or even remained at the same level . . . What we have today is much wider reporting and press coverage on the subject. It is a classic revolution and it will take a generation or more for it to gather supporters, but misogyny and male insecurity can probably be exterminated much faster with education in basic decorum and the abandonment of co-education.


  23. @ the Honourable Blogmaster, your assistance please with an item here which de ole man knows wunna is not going to like


  24. @ poor peaceful and Polite

    It would appear that your stance, regarding nurturing ALL PARTIES whether male or female, though not as radical as that of the ole man, will elicit some response “from the other side”

    I was trying to determine your gender based on the midground of your comment.

    And because of the 3rd person you use in the first sentence, you are a man.

    A well adjusted man who was raised to respect your women folk.


  25. Poorpecefulandpolite

    Well if it is your position that wider reporting has shed greater light on what had already been there, then it is best I inform you that during the 1800s domestic violence was santioned by the law.


  26. @pieceuhderockyeahright December 29, 2018 7:44 PM “Question #1 is the clitoral removal of a young woman by another woam DOMESTIC VIOLENCE?

    YES.

    Unequivocally yes. Female genital mutilation (FGM) is a criminal offence regardless of who does it. If it is done on a female child, a girl, as it often is then it is even more offensive, as a child cannot consent to anything, and she certainly can’t consent to her own mutilation.


  27. But domestic violence also includes violence committed against children, all too often committed by their own parents, and especially by mothers who are typically the custodial parent.

    And we must not forget the violence perpetrated against old people, principally in their own homes, but also in institutional settings.


  28. Lexicon, I believe that some of the fellas here are jealous of your extensive “dating” history.


  29. @pieceuhderockyeahright December 29, 2018 7:44 PM “there are 9 women to every five men (in the Western hemisphere?).”

    This is an absolutely false statement, and frankly I expected better from you.

    According to the 2010 Barbados census there are: 133,018 males; and 144,803 females. I doubt that the gender balance is much different in the rest of the hemisphere.

    Those numbers do NOT equate to 9 women to every five men. But I am not good with the number so I will let someone like Hal or Artax or Northern Observer work out the correct ratio for you, for all of us, so that we cease believing in dangerous myths, such as since women are such an overwhelming majority, how come wunna women does let we men unfair wunna? That is a false narrative.

    You must do better brother piece.


  30. Here is a nice Wikipedia entry for worldwide male/female ratios:
    https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_countries_by_sex_ratio

    If there was a 5 men to 9 women sex ratio anywhere in the world it would imply that male babies are being murdered on a large scale–and when last have any of us heard a a male baby being murdered in Barbados or anywhere; or it would imply that the country or region was a war and men who are typically the ones who go to war are being killed in huge numbers.


  31. Slightly more boys than girls are conceived naturally, and until the late teens males outnumber females.

    By early adulthood there are somewhat more male deaths that female death largely because of risky YOUNG male behaviour, this slight disparity continues to about middle age and accelerates into old age because cardio vascular diseases tend to affect men at earlier ages.

    Barbados’ data:

    0 to 5 years 8,873 boys 8,479 girls

    15 to 19 years: 9,452 teen boys 9,418 teen girls. Note that at this point there are still more males than females

    25 to 29 years 9,313 young men 9,775 young women. Male deaths in early adulthood begin to show up here, and there are now more women than men.

    Age 85 and older. 1,660 very old men; 3,388 very old women. Only at this point can it be said that there are twice as many women as men


  32. @ Lexicon

    Maybe I see power and control in a wider context.
    For example: Men bragging about their sextual conquests may very well feel they are powerful when in fact they are rather childish or even psychologically weak needing attention. If this attention is not forthcoming they may get angry and could beat any woman who rejects them.


  33. William Skinner

    And I am here to tell you that you are wrong about the manner in which that conversation took shaped in first place, and had you read what was said about me regarding women I wouldn’t have to expense my time, energy and effort explaining the context of that conversation, but here it is.

    Whitehill

    “Please Mr. Lexicon, I’m not about you and your bull shit. All this cute regurgitated bull shit you’re doing here I’m not impressed wait until Peice of the rock wakes up and then engage him.”

    So in response to Mr. Whitehill misrepresentation of my information above… which he accused me of regurgitating, I then told him I did not have regurgitate any information regarding women, because have
    had menagerie of women in my life time to draw such information from.


  34. William Skinner

    Then am I to concluded from your statement above that King Solomon was a weak and needed man, because he boasted extensively in the book of Ecclesiastes about the women he have had?

  35. pieceuhderockyeahright Avatar
    pieceuhderockyeahright

    Or rape them William

    do not forget the subset of us that when we are told no, FEEL IT IS OUR inalienable right to forcibly take what was not freely given


  36. I see the endless stream of vainglorious illiterate drivel hasn’t stopped yet.


  37. William Skinner

    I am beginning to break through the veneer of your writings to discover that somewhere in your past you have had some difficulty with women, and may you were not a physically abuser, but a psychological one because for some weird reason you tend to place a little more emphasis on the psychological aspect of the abuse.

    And there isn’t anything in my writing that would lead to concluded that I was a psychological abuser, so could it be that you have transmogrified your experience with women here?


  38. I have stayed for the most part out of the fray for the most part, but have been able to come to a conclusion on what has been put forward
    Simple Simon desires to have young children…..and ..Lexicon is thinking ditto


  39. ……..and on and on like the Duracell rabbit, with less sense.


  40. 45govt

    Can’t sleep …? All you are left with is the four walls lol …I pity you old man… gah back tah bed and hug your imaginary wife…


  41. Spot the Leximoron…


  42. 45govt

    Tell me why in the world would and old man with enlarged prostate, elevated pressure, sugar and cholesterol … doing up so early this morning 45govt?


  43. 45govt

    I have been on this blog since my early forties, so I am yet young, but the same can’t be said for You, Peice, and Skinner who will be checking out for good in a few years if not that long …


  44. @lawson December 30, 2018 5:28 AM “Simple Simon desires to have young children.”

    ‘Morning lawson. It is really too early to be in the sauce.


  45. Going out now to pray for wunna BU sinners.


  46. 45govt

    Your proficient grammaticality and your the ability to confabulate with lucidity and intelligibility does not move one iota, because Hitler did that better most and yet his autobiography Mein kampf was regarded by most historians as utter rubbish.
    So let me hear your opinion on quantum mechanics, string theory, the black hole, the Big Bang and whether or not the laws of nature proceed the Big Bang or vice versa?


  47. 45govt

    Charles Darwin did a lot of his researched on the Galapagos Islands, on those islands he came up with a concept called the Survivial of the Fittest, when he observed a particular species of bird beak changing to meet the harsh conditions of the environment, while the others birds that weren’t able to adapted to the changing needs of the harsh environment did not survived.


  48. Well known genius Sheila Jackson Lee, one of Leximoron’s conquests perhaps!!

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