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Focus Barbados Blog: The Sins of P.Antonio “Boo” Rudder

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P.Antonio ‘Boo’ Rudder

The blogsite Focus Barbados is interesting. The focus of the blogmaster is on the elephant subject in Barbados, one of domestic abuse. The story which captured BU’s attention is titled The Sins of the Barbadian Father: P. Antonio “Boo” Rudder . We take this opportunity to invite parties identified to rebut through the following BU link – Send Confidential Message.

Barbados has a legal obligation to protect women and girls from domestic violence and sexual violence including sexual harassment. The State is required to put the necessary legal and administrative mechanisms in place to adequately protect women and girls from these forms of violence and to provide them with access to just and effective remedies. There must be sustained efforts by the State (such as continuous training of law enforcement personnel and judicial officers, sensitizing the media, educating the public) to challenge the stereotypical attitudes dominant in Barbados which help to perpetuate violence against women and girls. – quote via Caribbean UNWomen

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233 responses to “Focus Barbados Blog: The Sins of P.Antonio “Boo” Rudder”

  1. Well Well & Consequences Avatar
    Well Well & Consequences

    Igrunt….I am neither.

    This is what you posted.

    “Mr. Pieces, surely Angela Cole – aka Veronica Cutting Naked Departure circa 1970s ‘Clothed Arrival’ site (apologies for appropriation Bushie)- wud had to be saying only great things bout back den!!!”

    AKA = ALSO KNOWN AS.

    I copied that from your post, there is nothing wrong with my eyes Dee Word and I dont know aka to mean anything else, law enforcement in North America to my knowledge have not changed the acroynm….maybe you have, so let me know.

  2. Well Well & Consequences Avatar
    Well Well & Consequences

    As far as I know, Angela Cole is a guest on ND…because of the books she authored and her knowledge of things corrupt back then, try to separate the two, lessen the confusion.

  3. David Avatar
    David

    @Dee Word

    What you wrote was understood. Obviously you have a command of English that requires above average comprehensive skills. No need for the back and forth. Please share your views about the water crisis.

  4. Well Well & Consequences Avatar
    Well Well & Consequences

    Just letting Dee Word know how picking at nonsense feels, no harm done, am sure he understands now.

  5. de Ingrunt Word Avatar
    de Ingrunt Word

    Aha David, a bright light in the dark….but then again you have been exactly that for over nine years.

    What always amazes me about this ting called blogging is that we often do not read or digest or understand simple tools of sarcasm or comparative references.

    To be honest all that was required was basic comprehension skills…. And too a read of a prior post. The fact that I was havinge a mild ‘we are alive, be happy’ riposte with fellow bloggers @Pieces and @Bushie might have cleared some fog also.

    But alas, the good Dr GP told me I am the pot calling out the kettle so to your advice I hark stridently.

    Not another word to @WW&C aka Poonka. (oh lawd, more conniption…Do explain that one to her, too…or maybe you too young to get that reference…cause his ‘fame’ song real, real old now…LOLLL)

    And BTW, I am completely perplexed re these recent new regs by the Water Authority. Seems absolutely absurd. Thus my quill will be dry on that for a while. I’ll imbibe a bit more from you and others.

  6. David Avatar
    David

    @Dee Word

    We will not always agree and often times on BU it stems from playing the man and not the ball. To easily understand your comment the reader needs to tune into those posted earlier.

  7. Well Well & Consequences Avatar
    Well Well & Consequences

    Poonka?…..Dee Word, you only pretending to be young…lol

  8. de Ingrunt Word Avatar
    de Ingrunt Word

    Yes David, true dat..”too easily understand..tune into those posted earlier”. But this blogging ting doesn’t really allow for check and review and all that sorta proper stuff.

    Soooo, at least the worldly and wise WW&C could have read the ALL of the WHOLE, ENTIRE sentence and not just tek de piece that annoyed her sensibilities… LOLL.

    Along wid “aka Veronica Cutting” there was a big hint of historical comparison wid ” circa 1970s”. Basic English comprehension, Mr Blogmaster. Oh lawd!

    Oh we do agree, always play the ball and not the man…but you know how life is…when you facing Jeff Thompson it’s a different mind set than if you facing Max Walker or Vannie Holder.

    But protect the wicket and play the ball we must!

  9. Piece uh de Rock yeah right!!! Avatar
    Piece uh de Rock yeah right!!!

    @ FocusBarbados

    Let de ole man give you another “focus” for your active consideration.

    My grandmother used to say “as right as you are you gine still get the wrong///”

    Boo ‘the father” Rudder is a man who earned his stripes on the local landscape.

    Consequently even though this matter has a “certifiable cause” to have the authorities take action in this matter what is happening, TACITLY, to this matter, is called the “brotherhood of Bajans” which, while it may seem to be a purposed action, perpetrated against victim of this crime, is not spitefulness, it is just a misplaced (warped) sense of loyalty “because of who de father is and what he has done in his years.”

    The son is spending that “loyalty currency” EVEN THOUGH HE HAS DONE SERIOUS EGREGIOUS WRONGS. I am sure that the father is hurting inside BUT what can one do with one’s blood? Kill them?

    Much like it pained GOD that he had created man I am sure that Boo is similarly conflicted, but he is a father and will suffer the matter until life ends.

    You should continue to write as you are doing for as long as (1) you have breath (2) until something is done about it or (3) and this is for the victim, if you are not she, when another comes along and this is relegated to the past as a sour memory that you/she have grown from ( Forgive the ole man, I normally will read the who 185 comments and not just the blog article and the last 2 pages but I find that I am slowing down finally and with things as they are I tire and retire)

    So I can continue now knowig that you are the significant other in the story.

    I know that the last one might seem to you (and many other readers) who are in the heart of the misery, to be uncaring, but let an ole man who has seen and experienced much suffering at the hands of others, share that truth with you, this will pass, one way or the next, this will pass.

    As terrible a storm as Janet was in ’56 today the sun shines bright and warm against my skin AND YOURS as is evidenced in your display picture.

    Here is what I would do as an ole man who does not believe that any part of this rock is for the average bajan and that Fumbles letter to every household should be balled up, shat upon, and sent back to parliament house.

    Every single letter that you have written to EVERY SINGLE AGENCY, AND THEIR RESPONSE, do make sure to write them more than once, KEEP THESE LETTERS and scan them.

    Then put together a package and send them to every UN Women’s Organisation that you can google, every Transparency International, every possible place where your travesty with MindBendah can be seen.

    Do not forget to copy this package to every one of the Music promotion agencies that you know that Mindbendah has worked in that country. Do that every single timeAND cc the document to him.

    People must understand that you do not play by their rules and that if they step on your toe, you will dig out their eye, this is the only resort of the weaker fairer sex when you are being abused and there is no recourse under the Laws of Barbados.

    After a while what slowly happens is that people shun Antonio Junior and the Antonio Juniors of the world find themselves not getting work, overlooked for promotions, until ultimately as innocuously as bulling has become same gender relationships, the culture of acceptance changes and MindBendah and that cadre realise that it is not kosher.

    My madam would be very disturbed if she were to know that she left me here to recuperate and I am here on the cuntputer giving this diabolical advice as a man who should be in church and trying to get nearer to GOD now that he has gotten neared to me (ooops that may not be where i am going correct)

    I usually tell her that when Jesus the Christ found the money changers in the House of the Lord, He di not talk to them softly He threw their asses out.

    There is a time for everything under the sun….a time to break down too

  10. de Ingrunt Word Avatar
    de Ingrunt Word

    @Piece…whoooa. That is truly “diabolical advice”. The allegations are egregious and the matter must be see the fullness of light and law where any wrongdoings are punished. And yes there is the sense of that ” misplaced (warped) sense of loyalty…” but you are proposing to drop a damn nuclear bomb.

    The backlash from such a strategy creates untold further catastrophic problems. Not the least of which in a case like this would be intense focus on retribution. You know that. Why give word to those thoughts.

    Are you allowing your aged cynicism to get the better of your judgement and more sage perspectives!!!!

  11. Well Well & Consequences Avatar
    Well Well & Consequences

    Piece…just as corrution on the island is being ignored and as Dee Word said, the most important aspects re the relationships that breed the corruption are “irrelevant”, though it is the evil component in corruption from generation to generation……..so too abuse of children and females are accepted and ignored when the theatre “drama”, no longer holds the lookie los attention. The victims are expected to just move on with their damaged lives.

    Both evils, corruption and abuse of women and children are being fought from coast to coast, from Africa to the western hemisphere, it has been recognized blights that both destroy society in horrible ways and threaten the very existence of civilization. A nuclaer bombed is seeing the Japanese people as among the most compliant in the world, all the fight was knocked out of them, check their current status. The only difference between a bomb…..corruption and abuse of women and children……the former is instant transformation.

    Dee Word….the dude who sang “don’t worry, be happy……killed himself. We are not just on this earth to accept corruption or the abuse of children, women, or men….that is what you fail to comprehend..

    I know some parts of Canada hit minus 40 this week, but that should in no way have frozen your brain to that extent. You have to do much better than that.

  12. Well Well & Consequences Avatar
    Well Well & Consequences

    The old school men and women….set in their ancient archaic ways, love to keep things as they are for their own sick gratification, because that is all they know or want to know. Most times they have to be pulled into the present century, some go to their graves stuck in the 16th century of medieval times with all the associated brutalities and enjoy seeing that brutality used on their own with delightful glee…those are the people with sociopathic tendencies….those are the people whom the earth have to purge itself of, there is nothing more repugnant than a society that cannot fix itself.

    Piece is among the few enlightened senior citizens that I have met here on BU, who would have seen even more than I have despite my having lived in several cultures. Any type of bomb would be necessary and welcomed to make the required transformation.

  13. Piece uh de Rock yeah right!!! Avatar
    Piece uh de Rock yeah right!!!

    @ DIW

    You will note that in my long rambling there are some assumptions that i impute.

    The first and central aspect of my submission is based on supported fact where the party IS ACTUALLY A VICTIM and that such can be proved.

    The second aspect of my nuclear pronouncement is the aspect that puts certain people in the untouchable realm where, after abusing the party, in this case the woman, all is covered up because, “like in the who Kill Pele matter” the murdered is above reproof.

    As men, when you and I, tossing hand and maltreating women with our towering stature, (I only 5 ft 2 3 or 4 depending on the cowboy boots, I dont know how tall you are, but when you and I get in we lickers OR get a call from we good friend saying that he see she wid a nex man pun Trevors Walk and we left de Lone Star Getaway wid we outside woman, drive home and start to lick every man jack, what we need to realise is that there is a tomorrow, a tomorrow which is not protected by the laurels of our parents, or a buddy who is a Prime Minister.

    I have also seen the instances where a woman cries rape. spousal abuse and all of the bove when the man dun wid she.

    But let us be serious though, you reading the statistics.

    On in every four women are abused at some time in their life

    You muddah, you sister, you daughter of you grand mother choose one and den tell me bout whoa.

    When Elombe Mottley came down to the Police station in Holetown and told that fellow who is on ND, “beat she again, if you is a man” I promise you that as big as he is, he ent touch she again, cause Elombe wud a kill he as sure as day follows night”

    The shi*e got to stop and as you can see with all the refugees running to Turkey and Europe and Germany and Merica now everyone want to stop the war in Syria causing it is now “our problem” but yesterday “we the G8- did not give one hoot.”

    You like half measures because they seem to appease people and halp everyone to “get along” but that woman Rihanna in Trinidad with her hand hacked off and her throat cut, and the young woman from review Road St Peter Ann Gill dem doan really care bout your soft word turneth away wrath

    I going get me grandson find me that video from December 24 2015 fuh you to nice up…give me a few minutes I calling him now

  14. Sargeant Avatar
    Sargeant

    @WWC
    Dee Word….the dude who sang “don’t worry, be happy……killed himself.

    +++++++++++
    Could you share your knowledge of Bobby McFerrin’s death? I must have missed it.

  15. Well Well & Consequences Avatar
    Well Well & Consequences

    Sargeant….google it….I am off to the gym right now, wont be back until after 3.

  16. Well Well & Consequences Avatar
    Well Well & Consequences

    Sargeant…I just realized what you are saying….I did not say McFerrin killed himself…….I said the dude who sang “dont worry, be happy”…..that was someone known personally to me.

  17. Sargeant Avatar
    Sargeant

    @WWC

    Gee that was a short gym visit, sometimes Google U is incorrect but when you write about someone who sang “don’t worry be happy” who should BU loyalists believe that reference is all about other than Bobby M? We certainly wouldn’t think it was about “Bushie”, sorry wrong reference after all that thing about not worrying and being happy is alien to “Bushie”.

    Anyway sorry to hear about your friend may he rest in peace….

  18. de Ingrunt Word Avatar
    de Ingrunt Word

    @Pieces, we are ONE wid the need to rectify the problem of abuse.

    But I can’t agree wid your nuclear bomb because that brings with it some serious other issues.

    Punishment definitely cause the stats are horrendous…in fact there was a ‘crazy’ (in the sense of wow) citation that a woman is assaulted or beaten every 9 SECONDS in the US (one presumes a significant portion of that is domestic abuse).

    But to do as you suggested in the above case would mean that the abuser is completely shut out to any meaningful level of atonement for his alleged criminal abuse. To institute such an all-encompassing bombing campaign would surely see greater violence and mayhem from the alleged abuser.

    Prudence goes before might…dismiss the sappy thought of “…half measures.. soft word turneth away wrath”. I dealing wid real and practical consequences of the most horrendous type.

    We cannot implement a punishment that we KNOW will be problematic down the road…how sage and sensible is that…when the “shi*e [that] got to stop” simply blow the gasket and make a really big mess on the other side.

    And all too unfortunately I have quite a direct awareness of this abuse victim ting…so I have no brief for abusers but creating a nuclear ‘wasteland’ is not my idea of a practical solution either!

  19. TheGazer Avatar
    TheGazer

    @DIW
    What ‘atonement’ are you talking about? Some of those abusers know that they will cut ‘their spouse ass’ at some time in the near future. It is not marked on the calendar, but “if he/she step outta line, I gun fix em’ is their mentality.

    I believe the scorched earth policy is best. Make a few people pay for their sins and there will be vast reduction in the number of abusers. Create a few examples and with the level of gossip there is, the news will get around and people will start behaving themselves.

    General comment: Once the topic is not BLP and DLP, there seem to be a desire to keep all other nasty stuff secret. Secrecy does not help victims.

  20. focusbarbados Avatar
    focusbarbados

    @Pieces I ACCEPT your words of advice as being they are in line with how I was left feeling after dealing with the police and courts in Barbados! I KNOW within every fiber of my being that it is not JUST or PRUDENT to allow Antonio and his father (who put his house up as bail for Antonio knowing he abuses women), to THINK they can COVER UP Antonio’s SICKNESS by letting de music play!

    You sparked my creative genius @Pieces and I am delighted and feeling all the more HEALED to have some fresh new ideas about my next steps! Barbados already felt some heat from my blog as I began sharing my articles on social media with every INTERNATIONAL agency and community that I could find. I was proud of myself that my skills could be useful in solving a major SOCIAL ILL in Barbados that unfortunately I became aware of without “asking for it”.

  21. focusbarbados Avatar
    focusbarbados

    THANK YOU so much for speaking to the issue at hand: BOO RUDDER and for acknowledging his entitlement and privilege. I felt that must be the case and I was warned by others that it was.

    FOR THEM BOTH TO SIT BACK and hear my cries and see me speaking out and neither of them do nothing but HIDE BEHIND a music instrument is a HORRENDOUS CRIME in and of itself.

    THEY ARE LONG OVERDUE FOR A NUCLEAR BOMB DROP! And for those who think these measures are unwarranted, until you ask Antonio why he felt DRAGGING ME outside MY HOUSE (he had no house and should have been thankful I came to that island and shared my space with him) , STOMPING ME (leaving a shoe print on my back), STRANGLING ME, KICKING ME IN MY HEAD AND BODY, & CRACKING A BROOM IN HALF ACROSS MY FACE was warranted!?!?!! …especially when before he attacked me I never hit him, I never screamed during attacks or faught back (although the last time I screamed and faught back because he has LOST HIS DAYUM BENT MIND if he thought I was gonna keep living like that)!!!!!

    Ask MindBenda if he thinks MY RESPONSE to his abuse and his family’s protection of him is OVERBOARD? And when he answers some cowardly psychopathic reply, may someone show him that they will not SUPPORT his antics any further. He always said he was a VILLAIN, but this is not some cartoon, Marvel movie or rap video: THIS IS MY LIFE and I do care enough to do my part in raising awareness of the widespread abuse taking place in Bim via the story of ANTONIO RUDDER, the abuser who wants to get away with it and his father, BOO RUDDER who is funding his mission.

    THANK YOU Pieces!!!! Finally meet someone on this thread who understands how I feel and what I must do.

  22. Simple Simon Avatar
    Simple Simon

    @Piece uh de Rock yeah right!!! February 27, 2016 at 9:11 AM
    @Piece uh de Rock yeah right!!! February 27, 2016 at 10:31 AM

    A man after my own heart.

    In the Caribbean we have a saying “high wind know where old house lives”

    That is there are men who will abuse a woman because they know that she is as focus describes herself “docile” and they are some women who those same men would not dare to approach because some women like one I know pulled a ***grabbler stake from the sheep pen advanced on the man and said “touch me”

    He did not accept the invitation.

    ***Grabbler stake=a piece of steel about four feet long and 2 inches thick.

    I hope that one of these days your bully meets one of my female relatives.

  23. de Ingrunt Word Avatar
    de Ingrunt Word

    @Gazer work wid me on that reasoning…let’s talk Texas of the US which has their scorched earth policy re ensuring that the death penalty is carried out…we still waiting for dem murders dem to “… start behaving themselves”.

    But on the other hand Japan never started another military fight wid the US now did dey…so dat scorched earth bombing worked perfectly.

    Two wildly divergent (and somewhat exaggerated) views of that reasoning.

    So whatever makes society feel justified will be done I presume. But hindsight has shown us that the laser guided precisely targeted bombs are much more effective that the old scorched earth policy.

    Punish and do so severely but within reason to get to the root of the issue so as to provide a path to atone and grow out of that ‘psychosis’ of abuse…if it’s not possible to fix that den lost way de abusers dem in jail…scorch as much as you want.

    Let’s agree to disagree prior to that!

  24. Simple Simon Avatar
    Simple Simon

    @focusbarbados February 27, 2016 at 1:28 PM “ask Antonio why he felt DRAGGING ME outside MY HOUSE (he had no house and should have been thankful I came to that island and shared my space with him) , STOMPING ME (leaving a shoe print on my back), STRANGLING ME, KICKING ME IN MY HEAD AND BODY, & CRACKING A BROOM IN HALF ACROSS MY FACE was warranted!?!?!!

    All unjustified.

    And in your house too?

  25. focusbarbados Avatar
    focusbarbados

    Also @Pieces do note: In today’s world “letters” are “blogs”, “posts”, “comments”, etc. I have and will continue MY ONLINE LETTER WRITING campaign and also send some VIP PACKAGES out by “direct mail”. I did try to ask Buggy and his. FULLY LOADED band (who have now taken on Antonio’s baggage masked behind his keyboard) to consider Antonio’s abuse by emailing them but they see me as someone who wants to “STEAL THEIR JOY” they care nothing for the joy that was stolen from me. I have more BOMB DROPS for all of them. EVERYONE WHO FURTHER ABUSES ME by asking me to shut up, ignoring me, stigmatizing me, further traumatizing me….you ALL become apart of the CYCLE OF ABUSE and apart of Antonio’s belief that he is right and justified. YOU MUST NOT REMAIN NEUTRAL! You must take sides!!!
    So you are right to advise me to connect with those people out there who are on the side of SAFETY AND PROTECTION for survivors of abuse. And for encouraging me to SPEAK OUT to my heart’s content.

    It takes FOCUS, Barbados!!!!

  26. focusbarbados Avatar
    focusbarbados

    @Pieces, you mentioned not knowing who is addressing you. Yes, I am thr survivor of Antonio’s abuse. In my blog you will see EMAILS exchanged between Antonio (Seventysixx Keyyzz) and I where he admits: “PUTTING HIS HANDS” on me. I have AUDIO of his admissions as well. I am not ALLEGING anything, I am RECALLING and SHARING.

    My profile picture is a day at the beach with 2 of Antonio’s 3 children. They were my protectors and I was the same for them. We bonded in our mutual understanding that their father was not well. He son referred to him as an OGRE and his youngest couldn’t REMAIN SILENT herself when she witnessed Antonio’s verbal abuse toward me and asked (paraphrase): “Why can’t you just say sorry?” IT PAINED MY HEART whenever he was abusive to them or to me in front of them. But the children and I would PURPOSELY TRY TO HAVE A GREAT TIME despite in his son’s words, his father’s: “BARE MISERY”.

    The blog and my book as well as all future endeavors, I OFFICIALLY dedicated to them: Nathaniel, Naoibi and Nyesha Rudder. When they are older I HAVE NO DOUBTS that will support me in my efforts.

  27. de Ingrunt Word Avatar
    de Ingrunt Word

    @Focus, I am glad that you have found kinship with the wisdom of the very astute blogger @Pieces. I would also note very directly that there are others “who understand how [you] feel”.

    “What [you] must do” is up to you but I would carefully caution that coming to a blog to get advice upon which you will act aggressively is absolutely not the same thing as coming here to give voice to your complaints!!!

    You would not come here to get medical advice despite the wisdom or expert knowledge of learned practitioners here. So why lap up advice on something just as serious. In that vein I would suggest that you carefully review any and all advice before you embark on path that could have tremendous blow-back.

    I hear your pain and I know it from very personal circumstances. . You were badly mistreated but do not make a bad situation worst by opening a Pandora’s box you will be unable to close. Seek counsel before you embark…

    Just saying.

  28. focusbarbados Avatar
    focusbarbados

    https://focusbarbados.wordpress.com/2015/06/19/dispelling-the-myth-about-abuse-if-i-dont-take-sides-then-im-not-saying-its-anyones-fault-im-neutral/

    If you are neutral in situations of injustice, you have chosen the side of the oppressor. If an elephant has its foot on the tail of a mouse and you say that you are neutral, the mouse will not appreciate your neutrality. – Desmond Tutu
    Two highly publicized murders inspired public debate about the treatment of women in society. In May a man stabbed his Guyanese girlfriend to death as she sought refuge at a friend’s house. Three days earlier, the victim reported to the police that she had survived an attack by the same man at a bus terminal, and observers criticized police inability to prevent the subsequent attack. On August 19, a man allegedly killed his girlfriend at a fish market, where the woman worked as a vendor. The broad daylight killing spurred public demonstrations, a rarity in the country. Commentators called on the government not only to improve law enforcement response to domestic violence complaints but also to address broader societal attitudes toward women. –refworld 2013

  29. focusbarbados Avatar
    focusbarbados

    @Igrunt. The PUNISHMENT is when the ABUSER says: “GUILTY” in court and before all witnesses in his life path and when he ACCEPTS ALL RESPONSIBILITY for the consequences that are the transpiring domino effect.

    No one can “punish” anyone. Only the criminal knows what it took and what it takes to stop him from committing crime. Our job is to make the ENVIRONMENT UNCOMFORTABLE for abuse and abusers to grow and thrive! That’s where PIECES gets it right!!!! Whether bomb or scourge, NEUTRALITY doesn’t work. It’s the acceptance of whatever punishment by the abuser/law breaker that makes for what you are suggesting:

    Punish and do so severely but within reason to get to the root of the issue so as to provide a path to atone and grow out of that ‘psychosis’ of abuse…if it’s not possible to fix that den lost way de abusers dem in jail…scorch as much as you want.

  30. de Ingrunt Word Avatar
    de Ingrunt Word

    @Focus, I hope Pieces returns soon and reengages with you sagely.

    Excellent quote from the esteemed Desmond Tutu.

    You certainly would not say that his colleague Nelson Mandela was neutral in their struggle against apartheid…yet the great man had MUCH more reason for ANGER, PAIN and HATE than you do and he did not seek your type of retribution.

    But he DID make those racists folks come to an account for their terrible misdeeds.

    You completely misunderstand my rational response for acquiescence or acceptance for your abuser. It is neither.

    I work on the Mandela thesis of life: do NOT make a bad thing worst if at all possible…seek the high ground for a practical solution always!

    You are out of the abuse unlike that Guyanese lady. Why wade back into the pain and anger by targeting Rudder’s livelihood or future existence? How does that salve your pain, pray tell?

    There is a fine line between love and hate. You had the former and you now have the latter.

    Don’t just quote great men…seek to understand the truth and depth of what they mean and are all about.

    I wish you a blessed journey and I do hope you find the path that leads you to solace and not further problems. Be wise and be well.

  31. focusbarbados Avatar
    focusbarbados

    @Ingrunt. Thanks for your words od caution and for understanding.

    Until I make a movie, it seems I am not doing myself justice in recounting for the police, courts or any one WHAT HAPPENED TO ME. Beginning with his abuse and ending with my attempts at NAVIGATING a discriminatory justice system. EVERYONE, from the EMBASSY to the local dvd shop owner advised me to LEAVE and never come back. No one advised a REAL RESOLUTION apart drom leaving or moving on. They didn’t UNDERSTAND what PIECES does, and what my Grandma and elders used to warn about: “Don’t start nothin if you cant finish it” or “Dont write a check that yo azz cant cash.”

    While there I discovered it’s best to seek help from people trained to deal with this CRISIS on that island. My speaking and reaching out for HELP all stem from Antonio and his father and his country denying me my human rights! That’s a big deal to others who have died for others to be safe and dignified and to those who continue the mission. I will let people like UNITED NATIONS HIGH COMMISSIONER pay your island a repeat visit.

    You said:
    ….is absolutely not the same thing as coming here to give voice to your complaints!!

  32. focusbarbados Avatar
    focusbarbados

    When will Antonio stand up to the SCRUNITY that I have faced and face!?!?!! We want to protect him from the very PANDORA’S BOX that he opened and allows to remain open. Why does he do that?!?!!! Because as Pieces stated, they are enjoying the fruits of PRIVILEGE and aren’t hindered by the ramblings of a wounded dog. Now that should make the Bajan people upset not what I do as a result!!!!

    @Simple Simon, yes….TOTALLY UNJUSTIFIED!!!!!!

  33. TheGazer Avatar
    TheGazer

    @DIW
    I have tried my best to understand your position and I think I do so now.
    Whilst I would still argue a scorched earth approach is best, I see that you are concerned about the blow-back. I was assuming that ‘focus’ has completely extricated herself from the situation and is no longer vulnerable to her abuser. I certainly hope this is the case.
    Kr,
    The Gazer

  34. ac Avatar
    ac

    How does one measure Pain and suffering and the way it affects or penetrates the individual
    Nelson Mandella choose a path that he knew would cause him pain and suffering and accepted the consequences therof without hatred or malice towards his abusers However in the case where there is domestic violence very few if any makes a conscious decision to have a relationship that would make them victims of domestic violence

  35. focusbarbados Avatar
    focusbarbados

    Thank you @Ingrunt. I accept what you say.

    I remained silent for 3 years, not even telling my family in the States. I gave him the benefit of the doubt, I gave him time to rehabilitate, I gave him counsel and support, I was understanding and CARED more about his livelihood and future than I did my own. I lifted him up when he was down. I helped give his music inspiration and tired effortlessly with him on every issue in his life. I stood with him and at his side while my bruises healed and he fixed me a CUP OF TEA only to turn around and allow EMBARASSMENT and OUTRAGE to become what it is today. He and his father didn’t TAKE THE HIGH ROAD and make ADMISSIONS AND AMENDS, they took me to court as if I had something to PROVE.

    His innocence is not on trial. His ability to ACCEPT RESPONSIBILITY for his LIVELIHOOD and FUTURE is. Just as I am mine. Please dont discourage me. Speaking out after being STRANGLED and after having the RUDDER’S acting “UPPITY” is the only thing that makes me feel better and is the only hope in the face of their INHUMANE treatment of me that I will find some LEGAL RELIEF along the way. Bear with me Barbadians!!!!

  36. focusbarbados Avatar
    focusbarbados

    @Gazer, the BLOW BACK is apart of the consequences. I, unlike Antonio and Boo, accept what my actions produce. Where is the public outcry that ABUSERS are stopped from bringing about such blow back by their acts of RESTITUTION and REPARATION!?!?!
    I speak with MY FATHER about all these thoughts and actions after keeping from him the initial abuse.

    He advised me after I first told him about my refusal to shut up:
    “If you know you are right, right is on your side. Do what’s right.”

    Whenever I am unsure I ask him. He shared a story with me the other day from his military time in the Philippines. He said SOCIAL CONDITIONS were such where when daughters brought home men to have sex with for money, the houses were small and so the “Mamasun” would have to give up her bed so the daughter could do the job. He reflected on this as I told him about this blog.
    Some of us are HAUNTED by the ghosts of those who suffer in silence.

  37. focusbarbados Avatar
    focusbarbados

    @Ingrunt
    You say:
    …yet the great man had MUCH more reason for ANGER, PAIN and HATE than you do and he did not seek your type of retribution.

    I say: RECONSIDER what you are saying. I imagine Antonio and every other abuser thinks a survivor is being UNREASONABLE when she does any thing but “take it” and “walk away”. For you to compare sufferings and responses is a little weird but I hear you.

    An OPPRESSOR is an oppressor no matter racist or abuser. A RESISTANCE to oppression is fair and just no matter a MANDELA or a ME.

    thank you.

  38. David Avatar
    David

    @Tru Focus

    It is difficult to read what you have chronicled about Boo Rudder Snr read not intervening. Isn’t his wife a teacher? What influence should she have brought to the case.

  39. focusbarbados Avatar
    focusbarbados

    @ac
    You say:

    However in the case where there is domestic violence very few if any makes a conscious decision to have a relationship that would make them victims of domestic violence

    EXACTLY! One hit on one day is a CHOICE made by the hitter and he decides who he hits, who he doesn’t, where he does it, when he does it,…he is making CONSCIOUS CALCULATED CHOICES every step of the way.

    @Simple Simon reiterated this in her comments as well. If they pick and chose their battles so well, WHY DEFEND THEM?!?!!

  40. focusbarbados Avatar
    focusbarbados

    @David, thank you. Boo INTERVENED by doing whatever his son wanted. He was APART of our relationship when calles upon for rides, helping me find employment, offering me to accompany him to events, buying me drinks, picking me up for events, dropping us off my places of residence, DROPPING OFF AND PICKING UP THE CHILDREN when I watched them, ….I WAS APART OF THE FAMILY!!!!! And BOO marched to that drum!

    Until I PRESSED CHARGES, all of a sudden no one talked to me anymore and when I EMAILED Boo for understanding and resolution he gave me the PROVERBIAL COLD SHOULDER and I SWEAR it wasn’t until he did that that I wrote my first blog and took further actions. I felt it in my gut that I was being TRAUMATIZED into giving up.

    I thought FOR SURE he would sit us down and atleast in parting try to offer his counsel and intervention as it was in the BEST INTEREST for their livelihood and future to not do me further harm. This is result of their lack of ACKNOWLEDGEMENT and UNWILLINGNESS to be proactive about having a SICK SON….and a WOUNDED house guest”

  41. focusbarbados Avatar
    focusbarbados

    @David, I was so traumatized and embarrassed and under Antonio’s influence that it took me a while to speak out to anyone besides my one Bajan friens, Marisa Daniel.

    When I first told MRS RUDDER was after Antonio got MAD because I ASKED HIM TO LEAVE my house and the relationship because he wasn’t getting better…he just wanted to BULLY me in my presence every day and I couldn’t take it anymore. This was 2013.

    I went down to a neighbor’s house while Antonio was in the shower to prevent facing his wrath after telling him when he was done to leave. Next thing you know I’m down at VICTOR “Sam” BASKINS house in West Terrace and Antonio is trying to storm through the man’s house ANGRY AND CRAZED because I left. Sam had to hold him back from thinking he could abuse me right then and there. Sam had intervened before when he didn’t like in his words: “HEARING HOW ANTONIO TALKED TO ME”. We both thought Antonio would listen if Sam asked him to stop the abuse but he didn’t. So Antonio went back to my place and REMOVED ALL THE FOOD, WARES, the fan, ….EVERYTHING that was his and even things that were mine. He went upstairs to the landlord and asked her for the DEPOSIT money and she refused and he left.

    I WAS LEFT WITH NOTHING and he knew I wasn’t rich and couldn’t just replenish. He was ABUSING ME financially in his RETRIBUTION.

  42. focusbarbados Avatar
    focusbarbados

    @David, sooooooooo eventually I decided to TELL HIS MOTHER being that she felt comfortable enough asking me to BABYSIT Antonio’s children rather than even asking him. (He lived at Krosfyah band house at this time. They hadnt fired him yet)
    I thought she would at least offer me some food if I told her what he did. So I walked to their house in Wanstead and sat down to talk to her. She listened. She packed up foos items for me. She shares her CONCERNS and told me she thought Antonio was suffering from some sort of mental issues due to his EXCESSIVE MARIJUANA usage. She told me if the laws of Barbados allowed for mandatory mental institutionalization without patient consent she would have gone that route. She was sorry for what happened to me. She talked as much as she could until Mr Rudder came in and she asked me to be quiet in his presence. Her advice was that I leave Antonio alone. But she nor BOO NEVER ADVISED HIM to leave me alone and when he moved back in with them, they allowed him to bring a woman to their house, me.

  43. focusbarbados Avatar
    focusbarbados

    @David, Antonio and his mother have a ROCKY RELATIONSHIP. Both of them confided in me about the other and how they each felt. Antonio’s last words to me about his mother: “I wish she would die.” I never seen him BREAK DOWN CRYING as he did when he was expressing how horrible it would be for him if BOO died and left him to care for his mother.

    The nickname Antonio and his half brother gave VERONICA RUDDER when they were young is: “TORMS” which Antonio calls her by to this day. What it means is “TORMENTOR”. Antonio is alike his mother when it comes to TORMENTING others and his OBSESSIVE COMPULSIVE tendencies that drive him to become abusive.

    WE TALKED ABOUT ALL OF THIS! I TRIED TO HELP THEM ALL! In 2014, I intervened to where Antonio and his mom were crying on phone with eachother trying to stop the BLAME GAME between them. Did BOO know about all this? I don’t know. I WOULDN’T KNOW ANYTHING IF THEY HADNT TOLD ME! They opened the box. They TRUSTED ME AND LOVED ME.

    Why couldn’t they have the guts to STAND UP to their son ?!?!?! Rather than putting all responsibility on me!?!?!!

    When I called police in 2013, Veronica called me every day while the police waited on Antonio to turn himself in. I LISTENED TO HER CRY!!! I WAS THERE FOR HER! I was suffering with memory loss and anxiety and trauma and a head wound but I EASED HER FEAR that ANTONIO WOULD COMMIT SUICIDE. She was worried that he would hate her and would retaliate!!!!
    EVERYONE BECOME CONCERNED ABOUT THEIR OWN SAFETY and I had no where to turn for help. Everyone was now a VICTIM.

  44. focusbarbados Avatar
    focusbarbados

    After I called the police, I called his PARENTS. Mrs Rudder answered and I told her what happened. She was gonna give me Boo’s number to call but she decided to call but she advised me to allow the consequences to play out. (Antonio hated her for this when he found out later that she approved of police intervention)
    She called Antonio and spoke with him but soon after he stopped answering their calls and “went missing”. Until he was ready to turn himself in.

    (WE ALL LEARNED LATER that Antonio’s oldest son about 12 yrs old now heard the whole convo on the other line when I called the parents. He asked me a few times if his father hit me and told me I was beautiful and he would never hit a girl. I told him it’s his father’s responsibility to talk to him about such things.)

  45. focusbarbados Avatar
    focusbarbados

    @David, note: After reading those quotes in his book is when I wrote the blog. I couldn’t believe he understands the culture of abuse but does nothing to help survivors of it. Are all entertainers and leaders in Bim only concerned about the culture as far as INTELLECTUALIZATION and propserity takes them but have no real passion for the plight of the people’s EMOTIONAL WELL BEING????
    There has been a call for SOCIAL WORKERS in every school by a leader in Bim, ….what will Boo’s LEGACY be regarding REAL SOCIAL AND CULTURAL issues in Bim????

  46. focusbarbados Avatar
    focusbarbados

    @David, Veronica answers her son when he refers to her as “Torms”.

    Again, no issues being addressed. WHAT I LEARNED from you all, the people of Barbados, is that according to many of you it is the “Bajan way” to keep silent and remain docile by any means necessary.

    If any among you don’t like the LESSONS I’VE LEARNED, point your discontenment in the direction of my “BAJAN TOUR GUIDES”. Again, I didn’t deserve to be apart of this dysfunction but I didnt find it easy to abandon such hurting people.

  47. Piece uh de Rock yeah right!!! Avatar
    Piece uh de Rock yeah right!!!

    @ FocusBarbados

    DIW seems to have asked me to come back and give “more sage counsel” than my former remarks about how you should exact your own recourse.

    I started this entry at 5 or thereabouts and it is 8.47 ad I am not done yet. My Madam came home and I had to go to my boss.

    I am not a Martin Luther King man I am a Malcolm X man who will live and die “By Any Means Necessary”

    http://www.ekrfoundation.org/wp-content/uploads/2011/01/5-Stages-Chart-2013_LD3.jpg

    Elisabeth Kubler Ross, author of “On Death and Dying” proposes 5 stages that people faced with the prospects of imminent death go through.

    I can identify with the death thing but let me say out loud that while I can NEVER FEEL the agony of rape and or abuse and/or the psychological trauma and the lingering, lifelong pain pain that you or anyone like you must have suffered suffer, I can taste the scent of pain in your words, in your careful lines, I see the agony which peeps through and winks at us.

    Here you are “naked” in the eyes of the world, in what must be some equal corresponding phase or stage of dealing with abuse.

    You are ignored by parents in law, abandoned by seeming “friends”, despised by others, absolutely despondent, and even the very Law that you thought would “protect” you well need I say more.

    Coming openly to “a faceless blog” and exposing what you have been through, felt and are feeling to absolute strangers, some of whom “talk pretty” bout your experiences will expose you to many a verbal coitus interruptus, you are left unsatiated..nuff men does do that with you women. Talk nuff say nothing when the occasion comes no pun intended.

    I DO NOT RECANT MY EARLIER ADVICE. MY reason is simple where will we men stop if you do not demand that we stop and show us that you are serious.

    I really dont give too bad words bout the man’s income really. This is the thing, you break a broomstick in a woman’s face and by some miraculous equation, she should not seek restitution and he man is to get a free pass.

    Geraldine Jones circa 1970 of “the Devil Made me do it” fame “killa you dont have to beat me to show your love, cause I gonna wait until when you go to sleep and return your love”

    I am certain that the world well remembers Lorena Bobbitt and then husband John Wayne Bobbitt, she was in an abusive relationship and oddly enough Lorena eventually became an advocate for abused women.

    I will be careful what I say because the next thing I will be accused of by the fellows is inciting a string of Bobbitations

    I hear where your thought processes are FocusBarbados .I know where you are.

    I have proposed an option which while it seems radical to a few here, is kinder than what I see deep in your words. You need to exorcise this matter through all the ways that are legal and a Bobbit on his career well if Rihanna could do that with Chris bBrown who is MindBenda?

    You are on a road where we menses “cannot understand” because few of us have ever found ourselves dragged across a road, in the clear vision of standers-by and a footprint left in our backs.

    So all the shyte talk that some of us will give you about “moving on”, you are not an “effing” door mat to me carried outside and beat in the breeze and brought back in the house like we used to do at Christmas years ago..

    Many see lines but I is an ole illiterate man and have lived in through a different experience that others who would tell you move on, but few of we menses identify or care about the “pain” in each clearly composed paragraph you have written.

    An earlier blogger was saying one thing about how you should heal, I am saying another about that process. Where we overlap is ONLY in the aread where we are both saying that you need to employ methods of healing.

    But we diverge thereafter because I do not do the abuse thing well.

    When I say “By any means necessary i am not seeking to incite you to violence, what I am suggesting that you do is to employ those methods that help you to overcome this difficult period.

    I see that you are a reasoned lettered woman who even in your pain has resolve.You need to find a place where you can heal, regroup and walk away from this stronger than before.

    You are at a stage where the woulds can fester gangrenous or heal.

    Let me ask you this question. If a young woman were to come to you tommorow and ask you these towo questions what would your answer be?

    How can you see the signs? What do you do when you see them” what would you answer and say?

    You seem to have uprooted yourself from home abroad and come to this strange place contrary to advice from friends and family to encounter this “nightmare” one which you will grow from and will help other women grow from

    Yjr pain does not recede overnight and in addition to the physical pain, you have to overcome the dashed hopes and dreams which is the harder battle.but heal you must.

    Two worm holes collided a few months ago and it caused a scientific sensation regarding what rippled through the universe.about Einstein and ripples and light and all of that ingrunce.

    The emotions of an abused person carries no less a celestial ripple but you HAVE TO HEAL.

  48. Bush Tea Avatar
    Bush Tea

    @ Piece
    Do you ever sit down and contemplate the logic of those unique humans who make it their business to get on a boat, go out far into the ocean, and jump in- armed with scuba gear – to ‘experience the thrill’ of frigging with sharks…?
    … or the fellows who save money and travel to Nepal – to ‘climb Mount Everest’?
    …or those like Evil Knievel who CHOSE to do death-defying shiite on a motorcycle?

    They are usually albino, young, and male, and the thing that impresses Bushie most is the calm and resigned manner in which they mostly accept the inevitable consequences of their idiotic (in Bushie’s opinion) actions.

    What would you guess would be the bushman’s reaction when a shark eat such a fellow…? or an avalanche sweeps a couple dozen off the mountain …. or when Knievel breaks both arms, both legs ..and ruptures half his internal organs….?
    If you answer ‘uncontrolled laughter’ …then you understand the bushman…. cause COMMON SENSE tells us that if we CHOOSE to risk our health and life doing shiite, then we should be man enough to bear the consequences…

    The VERY LAST thing bushie wants to hear is some idiot who CHOSE to jump out of a perfectly good aeroplane complaining over and over ….because he broke both feet and hands in a bad fall….

    So you made a mistake and hooked up with a crazy-ass man….. you CONFIRM that you are diving with a shark… and that the shark bites…
    Cuh shiite Piece man…. LEFT…and find a nice soft decent man that DOES NOT HIT nuh, …and who is NOT pissed by your incessant babbling and complaining. …on and on and on ….like damned well AC….

    Shiite man …. if you have an aversion for taking hits, DO NOT take up boxing…. and if you DO decide to stay in the ring, quit complaining to the damn referee …and either box …or lay down quietly and take the count….

    Enough already….

  49. islandgal Avatar
    islandgal

    Bushtea you are heartless SOB. You claim to have a God your BBE but you show very little empathy to your fellow man. You are a very bitter man, somewhere along your journey in life you met a woman whom you loved BUT no longer loved you BECAUSE of your LACK of empathy. YOU cannot maintain relationships with the opposite sex because of this. Piece understands this woman’s pain and her journey to heal BUT you cannot see where he or she is coming from. MAN SHUT UP FOR ONCE AND LISTEN TO PIECE! At your age you will NEVER acquire empathy. YOU are the perfect example of what is wrong with many of the men in this country! YOU are such a piss poor excuse for a Bushman! No wonder I had to toss you to the curb!

  50. David Avatar
    David

    @Bush Tea

    Relationships are complex sometimes devoid of logical explanation.

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