Men become fathers by choice, accident – or trickery. Regardless of how they got that assignment, they are responsible for completing it. Father’s Day is a time for fathers to be encouraged to ‘stay the course’ until the end. But what is this course and when is the end? The father’s role is two-fold.
Within the home, a father is to: (i) provide for his family so that they are fed, clothed, sheltered and protected without expecting, requesting or demanding anything in return, not even obedience, and (ii) forgive his family without any conditions – as if it never happened, so that they may not be restrained by guilt through being constantly reminded of the offense.
He is also to: (iii) correct his children so that they know right from wrong, (iv) accept his children regardless of their physical or emotional conditions so that they unquestionably know that they belong, (v) train his children in a skill, whether they want to be trained or not, so that they may become good at at-least one thing and feel useful, and (vi) teach his family the ways of God.
OUTSIDE THE HOME
A new father may not have been exposed to this type of modelling as a child. However, that should not be used as an excuse for him not to do it for his new family. Each father is responsible for doing responsible things – including by learning. However, a father is not only a father inside his home.
Outside of his home, fathers are to demonstrate similar traits to his: employees, colleagues, teammates, friends, students and/or anyone with whom he has influence – until he dies. This includes discreetly: (i) giving assistance to those in need and encouraging them to earn, and (ii) forgiving those who have embraced irresponsible behaviours and encouraging them to choose a better life-path.
Since we are not perfect, it also includes (iii) discreetly correcting those who have made mistakes and encouraging them to similarly assist others, (iv) openly accepting all people exactly as they are, with all their challenges, faults and failures, and gently facilitating their improvement, (v) training others in skills we have acquired so that they may become competent and productive, and (vi) demonstrating the ways of God.
A FATHERS’ LIMITS
Essentially, fathers are to model the fatherly ways of their heavenly Father, to make it easy for the next generation to trust Him. God expects the union of a man and woman to produce Godly or God-like children (Malachi 2:15). Fathers can facilitate this by demonstrating God’s love through His: provision, forgiveness, correction, acceptance, training and teaching.
Forgiving, correcting, accepting, training and teaching are to be offered to all people without conditions or limits. However, providing material assistance is temporary and has limits, otherwise it may lead to dependence – which harms both parties. People should earn from their being productive and competent in their skills, and be dependent on God for opportunities.
Fortunately, a father can decide to recommit to become a better father at any time – while he lives. People should expect some of the best advice from responsible fathers. I urge all fathers to benefit others by allowing themselves to be fathered by God their Creator – the sooner the better.
Grenville Phillips II is a Doctor of Engineering and a Chartered Structural Engineer. He can be reached at NextParty246@gmail.com
A very interesting article…… and, I agree with comments therein. However, it seems to focused primarily on married couples and, perhaps fathers and mothers living together in ‘common-law relationships.’ What advice should be offered to those fathers who are no longer in relationships with their childrens’ mothers; or are denied the opportunity to interact with their children? Ironically, we use ‘fathers’ day’ to remind men of their role as fathers. But, on ‘mothers’ day,’ shower women with flowers, gifts, lunch and dinner, while ignoring to remind them of their role as mother as well. In other words, we are quick to highlight the ‘short comings’ of a father…… and not those of a mother.
@Artax
We have fathers who struggle to cope with being a father who are allowed to fall through the cracks.
@David, is that a forlorn plea/ cry for help (generally speaking) or just ‘politically correct’ speak!
Aren’t WE all struggling in some way to live and manage the various pressures!
Undoubtedly single Black men have a harsh lot to manage but this assertion of lack of services and support is to me a strange perception that appears true the more for its repetition… I am unconvinced of its validity.
I do not dispute the arguments that single/divorced women and their children are given more legal support that their average male counterpart … BUT who is responsible for spreading semen around and having children with multiple partners (sometimes unknown to them) other than these ‘fathers’!
Being a FATHER (and mother too of course) MUST START with responsible behaviours of when, how and with whom to have a child… the callous, laissez-faire acts which invariably end up in family court are not that.
The matter of absent, philandering fathers is surely not new and neither is it that women disadvantaged by such scandalous acts are ‘now’ being given massive legal support … as I said before the alleged more overt support for women should not blind us to the prior and current bad behaviour (abusive figuratively if not always literal) of too many fathers …
Women are now having their time of ‘abusing’ some men via the courts but at least the man can also fight back strongly in that arena as well, not so… they shouldn’t allow themselves to fall aimlessly between the cracks.
Lata.
@Dee Word
With all respect, your broad brush view of the issue of black men failing in the family unit, especially, in Barbados is a most unsophisticated perspective. Do not know how to start to respond to your comment.
Fathers’ recommitment day?
Which fathers?
Where does one start?
Should it be an astroturfed thing like most such things are?
Is it possible to locate a generation of fathers in any recommitment without any knowing of all the fathers which have been?
How about the “fathers” suplanted by “double-mothers” and borrowed seminal fuel of unknown origins? Where are these fathers? Can they be recomitted toooooo? Or is one of a “double-mother” a father toooo?
How is the mirror image of the big father, up top, some say, been provably shown to be connected to those here as truism, as some are want to suggest?
And on and on.
Unfortunately, David, you are correct. Single or noncustodial fathers are being silenced, disempowered or marginalised by the judicial system, women’s groups, child support and welfare agencies. And, majority of welfare/social programmes almost exclusively cater to women and children. Additionally, ‘government’ welcomes illegal immigrants ‘with open arm,’ while rewarding them for squatting, with grants, loans, houses and land…… as well as provide safe houses for women. Goverment and welfare agencies, have developed social polices for elderly, disabled and poor people. Yet, single/noncustodial fathers continue to be marginalised.
You all better watch out for this possible hurricane, a few days away.
An Elsa repeat possibility.
Just a reminder.
JOHN
IF THERE IS A HURRICANE THE NATION WILL NEED THE ASSISTANCE OF THE PERFECT FATHER ——THE HEAVENLY FATHER
You sure are right.
Elsa hit us July 2.
Brett is a week or so earlier and is followed by a second depression expected to intensify.
.https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/8/87/Elsa_2021-07-02_0850Z-1050Z.gif/330px-Elsa_2021-07-02_0850Z-1050Z.gif
“The incidence of hurricanes is higher during the neutral phase (when neither El Niño nor La Niña are in effect) than during El Niño. Although hurricanes occur more often during La Niña episodes, significant tropical weather events have occurred during the neutral phase.”
World is in a neutral phase when negative is going positive, blue changing to red.
We’ll have to wait and see but take precautions.
A prayer would not be out of place.
Check ONININO numbers.
https://origin.cpc.ncep.noaa.gov/products/analysis_monitoring/ensostuff/ONI_v5.php
dpD, how many men’s support services are there in Barbados, and what are their names? What about women having, for example, 4 children by 4 different men? Or a woman with multiple partners and not knowing who is responsible for her pregnancy and using the legal system you admitted favours them, to force a man who is not her child’s father to legally support that child? I know of situations where women were receiving ‘child support’ via the Court and Welfare Department, from two different men. What group in Barbados is there to offer emotional support to those men who went beyond the call of duty to offer the type of fatherly support as Grenville outlined in this thread, thereby creating a bond, only to subsequently discover they are not the father….. a fact known to the mothers? There are so many situations in which men are disadvantaged, but your argument is based predominately on ‘men spreading around semen.’ You’ve waxed luke warm, eloquently.
ARTAX
I AM ON RECORD AS FREQUENTLY SAYING HERE THAT MANY WHO POST ON BU CLEARLY HAVE THE COLUMNAR EPITHELIUM ASSOCIATED WITH THE GITRACT IN THEIR CEREBRUM RATHER THAN BETZ CELLS. . CONSEQUENTLY THEIR EFFLUENTS ARE CHARACTERIZED BY THEIR ORIGIN.
MANY WHH COME HERE DO NOT THINK ABOUT WHAT THEY ARE SAYING AND OR DO NOT KNOW ABOUT WHAT THEY ARE SPEAKING
BUT THEY DO BRING SOME HILARITY TO THE FORA
Going to put in my two cents.
I consider myself an excellent father and I am aware that many like me are out there.
However, I do not live in a realm of fantasy. Our society is filled with deadbeat/missing parents.
Many a man had to support children that were not theirs because of trickery.
Many a worthless woman did/do what they had to do for their children to survive. I cannot condemn them.
I doubt if any of us can keep score or indicate which side did/does the most wrong. Victims and villains are on both sides. The telling of the story is more complicated than what is written here.
It is complicated.
Let us celebrate the many men and women who strive to bring up their children to be good men and women.
The black family is already weak. Good men must continue to work towards maintaining their families and avoid getting caught up in any variant of the ‘war of the sexes’. Love and protect your woman.
I was wondering why women were becoming such a strong force in Barbados. Beginning to believe it is because of a set of whiny and wimpy men on the island.
Cuss me, I can take it.
Dr. GP, I prefer to be as fair as is possible and consider every aspect of any issue, rather than focus on what may confirm any particular bias. My father was a harsh disciplanarian who seldom ‘speared the rod’ when I was very young. I can count the number of times I ‘hit my son and still have fingers left over.’ I do not believe in beating children, preferring to punish them instead. So far, I do not have any problems with my son and we have a good relationship. We tend to focus primarily on the villainous fathers, while giving ‘a pass’ to those equally villainous mothers, sometimes under the guise ‘they did what they had to do [….].’
Seems as though some old men want a return of the days when women were subservient to men and had to ‘take their place,’ while being dependent on them. That men assert their dominance in the household, at a time when domestic violence, verbal, emotional and financial abuse was the norm, and men were viewed a mighty, not ‘whiny and whimpy.’ Women ‘are becoming a strong force’ all over the world, because many of them share a common goal…… INDEPENDENCE. They are educating themselves to achieve financial independence; establishing special interest groups for emotional independence and support, etc.
re Artax on June 20, 2023 at 5:11 PM said:
i agree with you Sir
I did much the same with very good results
Man To Man is so unjust. Children, ya don’t know who to trust. Your worst enemy could be your best friend. And your best friend your worst enemy.
There is just man and man on this topic.
Kammie was saying there is no organisation for men in Barbados.
The new BU can fill the gap.
This dude genuinely had spmething to be weepy about. I would have cried too.
https://youtube.com/shorts/bWKK77ulobs?feature=share
The main function of simple columnar epithelial cells are protection. For example, the epithelium in the stomach and digestive tract provides an impermeable barrier against any bacteria that could be ingested but is permeable to any necessary ions. This function is especially important in the colon.
The GI tract is a series of hollow organs joined in a long, twisting tube from the mouth to the anus. The hollow organs that make up the GI tract are the mouth, esophagus, stomach, small intestine, large intestine, and anus. The liver, pancreas, and gallbladder are the solid organs of the digestive system.
The cerebrum (front of brain) comprises gray matter (the cerebral cortex) and white matter at its center. The largest part of the brain, the cerebrum initiates and coordinates movement and regulates temperature.
Betz cells are one of the most important cortical components of motor neuron circuitry, and their degeneration is a hallmark of ALS, which is characterized by the progressive loss of both upper and lower motor neurons.
Effluent comes from the Latin verb effluere, “to flow out”. In an older meaning, an effluent was a stream flowing out of a river or lake. But nowadays effluent almost always means wastes that pour into our water and air. Liquid factory waste, smoke, and raw sewage can all be called effluents.
Slavemaster fathers rarely treated their own enslaved children well or even passed down any inheritance to them from their vast ill gotten wealth.
There is a special place in Hell for the wicked white race.
Child Support in UK was introduced in UK by the Iron Woman Thatcher because black baby daddies were impregnating white women as revenge for slavery.
Ice Cube / Cubevision
@David n @Artax, to borrow the phrasing from senor @Theo, all issues of life are complicated and distillation in these spaces will inherently be simply stated with broad brushing: we who are debating the issue must detail and defend accordingly!
So I’ll reassert as succinctly as possible: we cannot thrash women’s stronger positions of this era in ANY attempt to highlight any wrongs which men may now have. I believed I made the point crystally clear.
Or again to echo the brother: how can we determine current evils linked to female rights and not forcibly speak of past wrongs by their partner males.
So @Artax when I speak of men spreading semen i also very clearly noted that both men and women share the irresposibilty of poor ORIGINAL parenting decisions.
That BROAD BRUSH should be clearly understood to speak to the complicated dynamics that now fill up family courts.
Yes of course women trick men; yes, child support from two fathers seems ridiculous as a legal reality… but let’s continue to be real about the male-female dynamic.
Again to echo: for every ‘worthless … woman having, for example, 4 children by 4 different men’ are there not 4 indifferent men facilitating her ‘worth’.
How does that truly work for the children … whether any or all of those fathers provide financial support and limited true fatherly guidance!!!
And when “a woman with multiple partners and not knowing [the father, uses] the legal system […] to force a man [any of her partners] to legally support that child” does the problem not start with the callous, indifferent semen donation/receipt !!!
Why in heaven’s name is that woman more worthless than the village ram male of past (and present) who sired kids and left them to graze and frolic unattended!
I don’t condone unequal legal treatment towards men but fah sure I can’t validate the blow back aimed at the system because there is now more support for women!
I absolutely am unaware of male support groups beyond those of years past in the church, masonary and those like MESA? Maybe they are all now defunct … but again I ask ‘what does THAT have to do’ with the growth and development of strong females support groups??!??
Who has stopped us men from reforming and rebuilding .. women? Do the powerful ever cede power so easily !!
Why would a man support and create a bond with a child “only to subsequently discover they are not the father” UNLESS they so want to do … maybe, because they know they could have been said father of course.
And that’s THAT INDIVIDUAL’S call to make … as he has many options to invalidate or validate the lineage … and what’s wrong with giving love and guidance to a child in its formative years, anyhow!
So I dont get to the place where i see men as being so dastardly “disadvantaged” … it’s as complicated as it is straight forward: if adults act their maturity we would not have these fraught legal battles which affirm how absolutely callous and indifferent we are about sex, children and life.
I gone.
dpD, for you to mention, “child support from two fathers seem ridiculous as a legal reality,” was perhaps done so out of ignorance. There was actually a time in Barbados, when women had two options for child maintenance, the Court, where the minimum was $15 per week…… and, Welfare Department, $20. There were a few cases in the early 1980s, involving women who exploited both options to solicit child support from two men they claimed to be their children’s fathers. But, I’ve realised some BU contributors are perhaps of the mistaken belief they ‘know everything ’bout everything,’ to the extent that, not being doctors, for example, they would dispute medical information presented to this forum, from someone trained in that field.
@Artax, please read with COMPREHENSION … the statement : “child support from two fathers seem ridiculous as a legal reality,” is exactly as stated in its face: A child can only have one semen defined father (as far as I am aware in 99.9% of life) and thus it’s ridiculos on its face that any court would say otherwise.
I was NOT attempting to define any legal precedent or specific case where a court ruled that a child can get support from two different men or had options for support from the court and welfare dept. and I am quite confused, therefore, that you would cite that as a rebuttal to my remark and interpret my comments as you did.
The old saw that the ‘law is an arse’ could be considered applicable if evidently a judge legislates the biological miracle (not twins) of two sets of semen fertilizing an egg …
Realistically, the facts as you described above should be seen as a person using the overlapping confusion of governance legislation to their advantage… what you accountants may call ‘loopholes’ when you do the same on other financial matters, not so!!!!
Lata.
Heard this morning that CXC tracking de storm. Now, if you want to lose your precious child tek storm advice from CXC.
CXC could not keep track of its papers and now it will track de storm.
Papers gone, child gone, site gone, storm gone and CX stating the site don’t have to resit the exam.
Forgive me, I find humor in strange places.
I am wondering if CXC makes use of the statistical knowledge/ experience that is readily available. At times I get the impression that CXC has just one test scripts for the year and if anything happens they have to change the rules or make new ones. CXC seem incapable of offering a replacement exam.
I am on the outside looking in and may be wrong.
Saw how you put up the bat light. Was not expecting that.
Nearly ten thirty
I’m rising early
I’ve got an eye to buy the best
Before the rush
Someone left a baby
In the car park
Never any reason
Don’t you listen
One more sob story
Some one is calling
Seen through the window
Calling through mirrors
Don’t you listen
Don’t interfere
Ignore it and
It will go away
Someone is calling
Don’t you listen
Don’t you listen
Someone is calling
Don’t listen
Someone is calling
Don’t you listen
Don’t you listen
@ dpD
To be honest, sometimes I have difficulty understanding what you ‘write.’ And, it seems as though you apply ‘book talk’ to practical situations.
The initial discussion was the availability of men’s support services. According to you, “this assertion of lack of services and support is to me a strange perception that appears true the more for its repetition… I am unconvinced of its validity.”
I simply ‘asked’ you, “how many men’s support services are there in Barbados,” and went on to provide a few scenarios which would require such services.
Your response was irrelevant.
Obviously, any father would support and create a bond with a child he believes is his.
I never mentioned anything that would suggest otherwise.
However, there ARE situations where man subsequently discovers he’s not the child’s father.
The question is, what SUPPORT SERVICES are available in Barbados for men, to assist them in dealing with any lingering anxiety resulting from such a traumatic event?
@ dpD
RE: “I was NOT attempting to define any legal precedent or specific case where a court ruled that a child can get support from two different men or had options for support from the court and welfare dept.”
I NEVER mentioned anything to suggest the Court made any specific ruling as you seem to be implying.
I’ll repeat. There was a time, during the early 1980s, when women applied for child maintenance through the Welfare Department.
Men would pay at the Department’s Accounts Section, which was then located in the ‘Old Eye Ward,’ Bay Street.
Women would sign an expenditure voucher before receiving payment.
This process did not have anything to do with the Court. However, some women, believing they would ‘get more money,’ used to take the fathers ‘out of the Welfare and put them in Court.’
I believe you should resist any temptation to intellectualize simple situations or place them under ‘intellectual scrutiny,’ simply because you do not believe or are aware they actually occur.
DNA testing can prove if someone is a father, although Grenville suggested everyone has 2 fathers, but it is conjecture God is the father as it is a belief and a blind leap of faith that cannot be proven
I said I saw you with another man
Sugar, sugar, sugar
I said I saw you with another man
You said “do you trust me?”
I said “I trust you”
Betrayal, betrayal
Betrayal, betrayal
Betrayal, betrayal
Betrayal, betrayal
Betrayal
It’s a contemporary love situation
It’s a contemporary life
I said I be no mental man, Bitch!
But look what you’ve done to me
Betrayal, betrayal, betrayal, betrayal
Betrayal, betrayal, betrayal, betrayal
Bitch!
Modern life situation
Modern life magazine article
Analytical exposé
I’ve got a feeling you’re doing for
Betrayal, betrayal, betrayal, betrayal
Betrayal, betrayal, betrayal, betrayal
Met you with, not that long
Oh, you’re such a bitch
I saw you with another man
Sugar, sugar
Sugar, sugar, sugar
I said I saw you with another man
Betrayal, betrayal, betrayal, betrayal
Betrayal, betrayal, betrayal
Bitch!
Are you with another man?
Sugar, sugar, sugar
I said I saw you with another man
You said “do you trust me?”
I said “I trust you”
I said “I trust you”
Betrayal, betrayal, betrayal, betrayal
Betrayal, betrayal, betrayal, betrayal
Bitch!
Brett at LOCATION…13.7N 56.6W
Bridgetown at 13N, 21 miles is 0.3 of a degree.
We might scrape by but we’ll know for sure later today.
Bret passing by Bathsheba
https://www.iwcpinc.com/cameras/bathsheba-2/
LOCATION…13.4N 59.6W
ABOUT 15 MI…25 KM NNW OF BARBADOS
@Grenville Phillips “Men become fathers by choice, accident – or trickery.”
I am trying to find out how a man becomes a father by trickery. Surely when a man pulls his pe nis out of his pants he is conscious and aware that sex without a condom is very likely to lead to him becoming a father?
Or maybe I don’t know enough about the birds and the bees.
@Pachamama “borrowed seminal fuel”
How does one borrow seminal fluid? And can this be done without the man’s consent?
Maybe I don’t know enough about the birds and the bees.
@Artax “What about women having, for example, 4 children by 4 different men? Or a woman with multiple partners and not knowing who is responsible for her pregnancy and using the legal system you admitted favours them, to force a man who is not her child’s father to legally support that child?”
Each father supports his child.
Father number 4 who impregnates a mother who has 3 children by 3 fathers knows exactly what he was doing.
Just recently I heard a young clerical male worker smilingly boasting that he has “4 for 4”. That is 4 children by 4 mothers.
In cases of uncertainty, DNA testing is your best friend. The last time I was at the QEH DNA testing services had ads all over the place
https://www.bbc.com/news/health-47371431
Doctors have documented what they say is only the world’s second known case of “semi-identical” twins. The boy and the girl, now four, from Brisbane, in Australia, are identical on their mother’s side. But they share only a proportion of their father’s DNA – placing them, genetically, somewhere between fraternal and identical twins. Experts say the phenomenon is extremely rare – embryos such as these often do not survive.