Why the Silence from MESA and MENS?

Submitted by Kammie Holder, Social Commentator

With the ongoing Constitution Review Commission meetings going on why are these two groups not saying anything on behalf of fathers?

I would hate to believe that these groups are intimidated into silence by the very strong vocally active women movement in Barbados. 

Again, I posit that men are the greatest traitors to themselves and it seems women are always the ones to save men from their own destruction. Perhaps, just another complex paradox of manhood in Barbados.

See below:


1) Support In Kind should be added to the Maintenance Act

Reason: Its Barbaric for an unemployed parent to be stigmatised as criminal due to falling in contempt of a Court Ordered Maintenance Order. 

In most cases, the contribution of the unemployed parent if a father and his extended family’s contributions, can sometimes amount to be more than what is often paltry maintenance payments.

Notwithstanding the need for the custodial parent, to recoup day to day living expenses, incurred in raising child, it however cannot be taken for granted,  that funds are always spent on child or children. No welfare checks are ever made, after maintenance orders are instituted to ensure child or children are beneficiaries of payments.

2) Removal of Incarceration for Contempt of Maintenance Orders


Its certainly a paradox in law as it deprives an individual of the ability  to earn.  Alternative solution would be to dock pay.

Assist with gaining employment if unemployed and dock pay. Day release sentencing to allow for continued employment.

Sending, a man to prison for contempt is barbaric and archaic which is tantamount to emotional abuse of the child and father. 99% of parents sent to prison for contempt of Maintenance Orders are non custodial fathers. Women are never sent for breaching access orders as its not in the best interest of the child as no one exist to look after the child…Funny

3) Social Reports before Maintenance Orders can be lodged


Family Services should investigate and interview non custodial parent. Thus, only if consensus cannot be reached should the court be engaged to enforce maintenance.

By nature, access and maintenance issues, are often both highly emotionally charged. Nothing, forbids any custodial parent out of spite, from walking into any court, without just cause, and bringing an action for maintenance.

4) Mediation before Court


Elimination and declogging of court system as well as demonising the propensity of some lawyers to exploit emotionally angry custodial parents or a vindictive non custodial parent from dragging out case.  Some lawyers are demanding $10,000 retainer fees upfront, which is very questionable in these highly emotionally charged issues.

The emotional impact these cases have on children is often overlooked by society while children suffer in silence.

5) No custodial parent should deliberately omit,  to insert the name of a non custodial parent name from school registration form, unless so instructed by a court  due to some threat or danger to child.


Too many non custodial parents, often fathers are deprived of the opportunity to participate in the school life of their child or children.

The ability, to attend PTAs, school sports and form level meetings, is again the emotional abuse of these young impressionable minds, and can lead to bullying as well as psychological scarring.

No effort must or should be spared in allowing fathers who want to be in the lives of their children to do so.  Thugs, never have issues of access to their children. Be ever mindful, most young men in prison and within the penal system are raised in homes where fathers are absent. 

We all will have our biases, but for once do put them aside, and accept, not all fathers are delinquent and willingly walked away.

Kammie Holder

Fathers & Parents 4 Justice Barbados

27 thoughts on “Why the Silence from MESA and MENS?

  1. @David, I may be missing something here but what does modifications to Child Welfare/Maintenance legislation etc have to do with the Constitution and our new Republican status !

    I appreciate the concerns raised by the author and he is right that MESA and related men’s organizations should be advocating … but before a ‘Constitution Review Commission’, really !!!

    These are issues to be raised before MPs for debate and action in the House surely.

  2. Why are men and MESA silent???

    What brass bowl men?
    What MESA?

    Dead brass makes no sound.
    steupsss… Is a woman not in charge of that too?

    ..besides, Dribbler is right. Not a constitutional matter…

    @ Kammie
    There should be no incarceration for fathers who refuse to support their children…
    They should just be put down humanely.
    ….perhaps THAT can be in the constitution.. LOL

    There goes the ultimate shiite man…. refusing to support his own offspring.

  3. @dpd
    I had the identical thought post article, and prior to reading your contribution.
    The connection of points raised and the Constitution were missed. The dots did not connect.

  4. @de pedantic DribblerI appreciate the concerns raised by the author and he is right that MESA and related men’s organizations should be advocating … but before a ‘Constitution Review Commission’, really!!!

    I agree!!! Also it is not about sex. The author needs to stop bashing single mothers. There are men in prison who have both parents in theirs life’s it’s the path they choose to follow. You come across as a misogynist! It appears you have been deprived of seeing your children I am sorry but there are always two sides to a story.

    I am tired of men walking bout saying my children mother stop me from seeing my child. When she has put things in place for fathers to have assess and they refuse because it’s not on the fathers terms. It’s all about the EGO. The courts would also facilitate a program for fathers to see the children and they don’t comply to the plan because it don’t suit them . Again all about the fathers ego not about the child/ children

    The author comes across, as a misogynist.

  5. Accountability feels like an attack when you’re not ready to acknowledge how your behaviour, people passing blame

    These are our children they are innocent parties stop playing them as fiddles

    Words can really hurt people!…
    Think before you speak as theses words can never be taken back!

  6. @ kammie I do have to chuckle when you start with all this fathers got justice stuff. It is not about fathers for justice it is about “justice for Kammie” .

    You love to have a platform like a parading Peacocks . If nothing is going your way you throw your toys out the pram . How many group meetings has this happened? many

    You need to home in on some truths and stop with all the shite.
    I have contacted you for months and no response you only want to bring things to the surface when it sorts you.

    You also need to choose your words wisely. “ not all fathers is a delinquent.” What has an uneducated father have to do with seeing his child .

    You off all people should know about a delinquent uneducated person.

  7. Human Rights
    Article 8 protects your right to respect for your private life, your family life, your home and your correspondence.
    You have the right to enjoy family relationships without interference from government. This includes the right to live with your family and, where this is not possible, the right to regular contact.

  8. I have had 4 Covid Jabs although I only remember 3 of them.
    Which means one of my jabs may be a Conspiracy Theory by One World Government.

  9. @David, thanks very much. I do not know if it was my error or yours, but it should be MENS which is a 3- year- old group.

    Excellent predictable comments coming from the cowards, no wonder the state of affairs in the country thanks to the many unwilling to give currency to their beliefs. I guess it’s easier for most to hide and throw stones. Was never afraid to take a stand for what I believe, neither am I afraid I to say sorry or apologize if wrong. Love you all nevertheless for I draw strength from people.

    BTW, hate attracts cancer, do not take the views of others to heart, for cancers rates in Barbados are on the increase.

    Let me on this beautiful Sunday dedicate this song to you all, do have a personable and peaceful day. https://youtu.be/pNHAdOFQ9TQ

  10. LOL @ David
    You should REALLY stop forcing Kammie to use his real name…

    What you REALLY mean is that ‘you cannot expect to be a social commentator, talk shiite, and expect to avoid criticism’. ent it?

    On the odd occasion when Kammie make sense, he gets no criticism,
    …..and he has no problem then with contributors on an ANONYMOUS blog using pseudonyms.

  11. @bush tea you cannot expect to be a social commentator, talk shiite, and expect to avoid criticism’.

    Well said!…

    On the odd occasion when Kammie make sense, he gets no criticism,
    …..and he has no problem then with contributors on an ANONYMOUS blog using pseudonyms.

    Well said!…

    It is always about Kammie and that’s that

    I agree stop him from using his name it is embarrassing

  12. @David
    Perhaps you might explain how alterations to the “Maintenance Act” falls under the banner of Constitutional reform.
    I feel this is akin to sending proposals for alterations to the Financial Services Act to the ‘social partnership’.
    Possibly if one omits any Constitutional reference and focuses on the Maintenance Act and it’s operational methods, the contribution has merit

    • @NO

      The blogmaster is a little more pragmatic than many. Perhaps we should discuss the plight of some men and their battles to exercise their inherent rights in a system that allows little wiggle room. Whether the CRC tosses Kanmie’s submission is secondary. We need strong men to band together to assit those in crisis. The society will be better for it especially in the prevailing circumstances.

  13. The subtle nuance is Family Law, Courts and Child Support are bloody minded one sided bias piece of shit that breaching Father’s and Children’s basic Rights

    The Law is not an Ass
    but people who administer it are

    Judges and Lawyers deserve to be shot dead and then killed again

  14. David, I respect the rights of others to not accept my personal mouthings, as a social commentator. However, I do not feel I am any more obligated, than any other person to respond or defend a personal opinion .

  15. @David, very few men are willing to speak out and I have no time for talkshops. Most seem afraid of offending the sensitivities of radical feminist. To go to far north does not ensure equality or justice for all parties.

    Perhaps,the annonymous person who say I refused to attend any of their meetings would be honest enough to tell the audience, how many letters they wrote on behalf of fathers or sought to engage with Chief Magistrate or CJ over the last 3 years .

    Life is too short to even waste time to go to a meeting to just hear men be verbally masturbated then be fed at end of meeting.

    When men who who were unemployed during Covid and building up arrears show me one letter sent to engage authorities.

    I have no time for falsehoods or deceitfulness. Substance is not something you get by doing fancy flyers. Time will tell for deceit is always replaced by truth.

    When wunna put de lil government board picks most of your board have secondary to mens rights, let’s talk.

    • @Kammie

      This is the point made earlier, we are on the same side however we squabble by looking inward taking our collective eyes of what should be a common goal.

      United we stand, divided we fall.

  16. Courts in Barbados don’t give men a fair chance. Look I was married to before and I knew she only was with for financial reasons . You know it may sound bad but most women once they know you have money they will manipulate every situation. You have to really know if the women is with you for love or financial reasons. Men don’t seem to differentiate the meaning of the two…… it’s a big difference guys. Be very careful you get married too

    The courts in Barbados would give the women the house , car, boat even the clothes on your back and leave you with nothing and these Bajan women know this.

    Now a days it is very hard to find a women who just want you for love and not the dollar sign

    Hope you get justice for you and your children hang in the buddie

  17. @Ricky, this has nothing to do with me, please ignore the personal attacks. Due to the fact I am not afraid to speak out on behalf of fathers, men, girlfriends, wives and whoever cares often call with their stories.

    Sadly, none of the groups purporting to represent men are willing to vociferously speak out about these issues, for reasons best known to them.

    I would have been concerned if the personal attacks and name calling did not happen.

    You had situations up to 2 years ago when you had a particular acting male magistrate who is supposed to be impartial boldly saying to men ” I aint want to hear you, let me hear de woman.” Imagine when lawyers telling you they have experienced that behavior, telling me men should complain. The fear of many to speak out in Bim is amazing and unjustified for it we never stand together we will forever be divided.

    It serves no one’s best interest when children are emotionally abused because a mother is angry with a father. No absence of stories exists of both mothers and fathers doing crap at expense of children.

  18. I read and reread.

    I will agree that changes are required for our court system on how matters of parents and children are handled, but these need not be baked into the constitution.

    As I read the prescription, I fear that in trying to right the wrongs of a segment of our population, we may do harm to a larger segment and in effect throwing out the baby and the bath water. Some men/women deserve what they get.

    Take the battle to the court and its officials and do not saddle this committee with another burden. There is merit in fighting this battle, let’s find the right battlefield and victims.

    • No crisis among men

      Call for males to be leaders at home
      Amidst heightened concerns over the number of young men who are either perpetrating or victims of gun violence, one male advocacy group is maintaining there is no crisis among young males in Barbados.
      This is the view of founder and principal psychologist with Center for Solution and Influence for Men and Fathers, Dr Anthony Cummins, who said the country was facing a public health issue as it related to gun violence.
      Deviant behaviour
      “We do not have a crisis among men.
      What we are seeing is a small percentage of persons that are given to deviant behaviour, it is something that we must monitor carefully but there is no crisis among men,” stressed Cummins, whose organisation was commemorating International Men’s Day with a day of sporting activities at the QEH club grounds.
      Cummins said while the concerns of gun violence were by no means new, the COVID-19 pandemic had exacerbated the problem by the removal of several energy outlets such as sports.
      Additionally, he said jobs for young men were now harder to come by.
      He pointed out that this reality coupled with the cost of living crunch.
      “If we create the type of activity that will attract men, we see a number of these problems reduced. Now that we are coming out of the pandemic, men are desperate for something to do, some of them are not working and they can’t take care of their families. Men
      have egos and if [a man] can’t take care of his family and doesn’t have money in his pocket, he is likely to do something negative to get it. It is as simple as that.
      “We are made and created to be leaders, we are made and created to be providers and we are made and created to be protectors, so we must find a positive manner to channel those base instincts,” he said.
      Cummins made it clear that while he believed that while there was hope for current youth offenders, emphasis must be on ensuring that the next generation of young men was not doomed to repeat the same mistakes.
      “If we start with that boy at nursery school who is three years old, we will have 17 years to instil in him the type of behaviours and attitudes we want and in 20 years we will see a major turnaround.
      It is difficult to bend a tree when it is already old, so we need to start from young while we work with the current crop of young men.
      So programmes must be all-inclusive, they must encourage women to also be part of the change that we want to see in young men,” he said.
      Also at the event was Member of Parliament for St Michael South Central, Marsha Caddle, who echoed some of Cummins’ sentiments and solutions.
      “Leadership in community is important and so too is men’s leadership in homes.
      When I say leadership, I do not mean one person being in charge but rather men taking up the mantle of teaching emotional
      control and conflict resolution. I think men’s support groups have a pivotal role to play in reinforcing these things and then we can truly see a change in the violent behaviour that we are trying to discourage. These things don’t happen in a vacuum, and I think once we continue to create opportunities for people to earn and families to feel as if they have choice, then we can say that we have started to address these things,” said Caddle.

      Source: Nation

    • Seek help before it’s ‘too late’

      Parents have been urged not to wait until it’s too late to seek professional help for their children.
      Founder and president of the Men Empowerment Network Support (MENS) Fabian Sargeant made that plea yesterday while making suggestions about the many ways they could get assistance to steer their children in the right direction.
      “These young men are products of their society and a lot of the challenges they have, are because of the home environment and the environment parents provide. It is a very uncomfortable conversation to have, but these young men are crying out for help because they are not allowed to talk, or share.
      “However, do not suffer in silence parents. If you are experiencing challenges do not wait until it is too late. Do not wait until they are 16 and six inches taller or 50 pounds more than you and then you want them to change. If you are having difficulties having certain conversations, there is the Ministry of Youth and other [nongovernmental organisations] with officers who are more than competent to help guide you,” Sargeant said.
      The professional social worker made those comments yesterday at the St Leonard’s Boys’ School, Richmond Gap St Michael during a MENS’ International Men’s Day Upliftment Showcase, where 50 students graduated from their nine-week SAFE Zone programme.
      He also suggested that as society continued to change, parents must do more to equip their boys with tools to handle real-life situations.
      He said long gone were the days when household chores were women’s responsibilities. “Society is changing rapidly but until we men acknowledge that we are existing in a growing evolving social world, we will not set the example for these boys. No longer are women staying home to cook, so we need to give these boys some responsibilities. “Boys need to learn cook too, and to feed babies because soon from now, these 15 and 14-year-olds, in another five years, they may be parents,” he added.
      During the showcase, Member of Parliament for St Thomas Cynthia Forde congratulated the young men for graduating and Sargeant and the facilitators for offering their services.
      She said they were needed as the number of men in some service organisations, was dwindling.
      “This is an excellent programme that you have devised. However, I will find another forum where I will talk about some plans that we have to build relationships with young men to nurture them.
      “Because now the Scouts have more women leading the boys than they are males, the Parent-Teacher Associations have mostly women . . . where are the men? I am not saying that women at the fore or heading households is not a good thing, but we need fathers,” she added.
      During the nine-week programme, there were parenting sessions and counselling sessions, the participants engage in activities to help them learn self-control, martial arts, anger management, team building and other important skills.
      In addition to the certificates, there were several special awards provided, including the Perseverance Award
      which went to Dominic Beckles.
      Most Outstanding Student Chris Henry Barrow said he was pleased to participate.
      “I’ve had a wonderful experience learning about emotional intelligence, leadership skills and identity.” (TG)

      Source: Nation

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