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Women Grabbing The Upper Hand

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Submitted by ROK

womenI have to agree with Mr. Boyce. BANGO’s perspective on this is that it takes two. Women unleash their strength on men and cry fowl when men unleash theirs. What is the woman’s strength, words and emotion. They unleash it and when you hear the feminists, you see what I mean. It is unbridled.

If relations are to get any better, then women must learn to control themselves in as much as they are asking men to exercise the same control.

Women must learn to stop telling men that they “never” did anything for them”. They must also stop bashing men if they expect to seriously address this problem and as Ralph said, seek to deal with the real problem rather than the symptoms.

Furthermore, men must deal with the unfair situation where the courts of law remove them from their homes and place them in great hardship and straining their ability to support their children. You place them at a disadvantage and then heap them with burdens.

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71 responses to “Women Grabbing The Upper Hand”

  1. CENTIPEDE Avatar
    CENTIPEDE

    This one of those male ego “letters.” A lot, if not a majority of Bajan men, are drones. They simply have not entered the 21st century. (A lot of them are still on the slave ship or working on the plantation… and complaining.)

    The women on the other hand have glimpsed the light. Pay a visit to Cave Hill… Must be a good 95% are women taking the classes will the ‘boys’ arrive in their well manicured cars to drive them off.

    This is really a non-issue. Is it necessary to argue whether the sky is blue?

    And this is why ‘foreigners’ come and take the jobs.

  2. Deng Xiaping Avatar
    Deng Xiaping

    I got de secret to a long and happy marriage. I married 20 years now and things look good. Pun we 5th wedding anniversary I did tek de wife to St. Lucia!

    Pun we 30th anniversary I plan to go back fuh she !!!!

  3. ROK Avatar
    ROK

    CENTIPEDE

    You and all the women out there are seeking men’s support for ending violence against women. You think that your attitude is a responsible one? You are guilty of male abuse and you brushing all in the same colour, even the ones that would support you.

    What do you think should be men’s stand against that kind of talk?

    Note also that if the foreigners taking all the jobs, it means that the women are not competent for those jobs as well. You mean even your own you will curse, in your attempt to dehumanise and emasculate men?

  4. Bush Tea Avatar
    Bush Tea

    What upper hand what??!

    …that imagery suggests a scenario where women are reaching UP and raising the ante…. Total rot!!!

    The issue is one of men having lost their grip, and fallen into the gutter…

    The net result is the sorry mess that we see all around us -NO LEADERSHIP. NO VISION, NO LOGIC. Just lots of ’emotion and feelings’ ( women’s things)

    Man is the ultimate creation – made in the very image of God, and with the potential to cultivate the very character of God.
    Instead, we have reached the stage where our young men wear ear rings and make-up, and spend more time grooming their locks than the women.
    …all the while living off their mothers and hoping and waiting for ‘successful’ but desperate women partners…

    We men have no GUTS, and are pushed around like sheep. We do not nurture our families – allowing women to raise our sons.
    We are unreliable, sissy, weak, sickly and effeminate.

    …no wonder the poor women have to try to fill the breech…. But they are NOT DESIGNED for that role… thus the world we see developing.

    I know that none of us want to hear the bible quoted, but it is quite amazing that it said so long ago that the time would come when, because we have chosen to forsake the correct path, men would become like women, sexually confused, LED BY WOMEN and by effeminate men…. to destruction…

  5. David Avatar
    David

    We tend to agree that men have been reneging somewhat on their leadership role in the family and it has resulted in the woman having to step up to look after herself and children. Our society has reached a point where the rights of the woman has taking on such momentum that the softer issues of what is required to build family gone through the eddoes.

  6. Technician Avatar
    Technician

    @ Bush Tea….

    Ya had to go there wid de locks nuh?
    I would rather you had said some men though.
    Some , not all and surely….not the majority.

  7. Carson C. Cadogan Avatar
    Carson C. Cadogan

    I think that the main reason that there are so many bullers in Barbados is the fact that too many boys are raised by women.

    If a cat raises a dog do you expect the dog to bark or meow?

    These boys come up seeing their mothers on the receiving end sexually and they believe that they too must play the woman in any sexual relationship. That is why there are so many married men who have their boyfriends on the side.

    If playing the female role in sex is good enough for mommy then it must be good enough for them too.

  8. Bonny Peppa Avatar
    Bonny Peppa

    Deng Xiaping
    Oh lord wen I tawt you kun get na worser, ya prove me wrong agen. Ya sweet. Anybody eva tell u so doe. Ya sweet.
    Man is still de boss fa me doe. I doan k hummuch progress de women mek an how da advance daselfes, fa me, man is still de boss. (lord, de womens gun buze me now).
    Deng, ya two sweetzzzzzzzzz.

  9. Bonny Peppa Avatar
    Bonny Peppa

    CarsonC. Cadogan,
    Oh Lord Jesus, it too near to Christmas to tawk sa much sh*t^. Wah a woman raising she son got ta do wid he sexual preference. I nevva hear summuch shi*e in all my 80 odd plus years. Wah ya sa? If a cat raise a dog de dog would meow? Come on C.C.C man, you cud do betta dan dis man. It too near ta Christmas.

  10. JC Avatar
    JC

    Carson Cadagon I am a single parent of a boy. I teach my son serious principles (that aint no talk) I teach him to respect women at ALL times and more importantly I teach him how to be a man.

    Many women have raised MEN on their own and have done a damn good job!

    DO NOT TALK NO SHITE!

  11. Carson C. Cadogan Avatar
    Carson C. Cadogan

    No can teach a boy to be a man.

  12. Carson C. Cadogan Avatar
    Carson C. Cadogan

    Should read:-

    No woman can teach a boy to be a man.

  13. Equity Avatar
    Equity

    By your Logic, Mr Cadogan, Barbados’ men are mostly effeminate. Most boys are raised by their mothers while their fathers run away from responsibility.

  14. David Avatar
    David

    Maybe just maybe if men were to play a more active role the issue of men in crisis would not be an issue. We have to remember that our society has graduated from village to Terrace and with it the support. In the village the children had other men to model behaviour if the father was absent. In the Terrace they have the TV.

  15. The Scout Avatar
    The Scout

    This just designed as a topic for men bashing? come on this whole needs both women and men and it makes no sense trying to prove who is better than who. What we need to do is respect each other and co-exist in a world that CANNOT exixt without Man and WOMAN

  16. ROK Avatar
    ROK

    CCC

    no man can teach a girl to be a woman either

  17. Chris Halsall Avatar
    Chris Halsall

    @ROK… Are you so sure of that?

    There are at least a few women about who would argue I helped them into the fraternity…

    [wink…]

  18. ROK Avatar
    ROK

    Equity

    Even if not effeminate, “soft”. Too many of our males are too soft. Some can’t do physical work without breaking down in a split second.

    Too many male children are coming up without playing cricket or football. They don’t even know the rules. Too many have asthma or some bronchial or other condition that prevents them from exerting themselves; i.e. normal exertion = over-exertion.

    Too many men on the down-low; like nearly every youngster. Even their voices are effeminate. Up to this morning I heard a voice in our outer office which I took for granted was a female. A gentleman who was demonstrating a new photocopier went into the outer office. When he came back he was visibly shaken. All he saying was, I thought that was a female! I thought that was a female! It was a male. I myself could not believe it but I was not so curious to go and look see. I took his word.

  19. JC Avatar
    JC

    Carson Cadogan you dont know me I make sure my son is involved in sports where there are fatherly figures all around him!

    Why you dont beg the men to KNOW THEIR ROLE!

    And yes Scout I agree with you wholeheartedly that no one can live without the other, but please tell Mr. Cadogan to dont come on here bashing women who do the best they can!

    There are some good men!

  20. ROK Avatar
    ROK

    JC

    You are lucky. I am the single parent of a ten year old daughter and I am seeing how inadequate I am trying to teach her to be female. She does everything I do. How can I stop that? (Mother 6 feet under).

    The girl stronger than most boys her age. She can handle herself. Now she wants to learn to play cricket and football.

  21. ROK Avatar
    ROK

    Chris

    You helped her in the fraternity? Did you mean maternity? Men do the latter traditionally.

    I am of the opinion that there are some finer things about being a woman which most men do not know; or even care to know, so give us a hand here. How can a man achieve that?

  22. Technician Avatar
    Technician

    This is so much shite , I can even begin to type.

    CCC are you serious???

    I came up with 5 sisters and a mother.
    I am the last and trust me,Straight as an arrow.
    Maybe this new generation should have had the chores I had to do as boy.
    Sheep, cows, chickens, pigs, cesspools, pit toilets, wood fires, kitchen garden, soot lamps etc.
    Who you think did those chores while the girls cleaned, cook and sew.
    Being raised with women has nothing to do with being a homosexual.
    Sports cant change them either, gays are in the army, sportsmen…every where.
    They are gays in the best families…..what went wrong then?
    Teach the children values and morals from young. Stop substituting parenting with playstation and nintendo.
    Let them earn gifts and see the rewards for hard work not a car at 16 because you can afford it. Quality time and family time instead of a sitter. Sit down on evenings and eat together.
    These were some of the things my mother did in the absence of my father.

    My mother taught me to wash, clean cook. That way no woman can ever embarrass you, was her words to me.

    So that argument of women raising boys to be gay is pure shite…..wheel and come again!!

  23. Chris Halsall Avatar
    Chris Halsall

    @ROK: “Did you mean maternity?

    No. I have been *very* careful about that. I am not comfortable brining another human into this world… There are already to many of us…

    @ROK: “I am of the opinion that there are some finer things about being a woman which most men do not know; or even care to know, so give us a hand here.

    I agree with you. But, at the end of the day, it is the *Woman* who decides what will, or will not, happen…

    (Some Women need to learn and internalize this truth, however….)

  24. JC Avatar
    JC

    My son goes to football and the coach told me that when I am ready to let my daughter come as well; Why not!

    However, I think that boys MUST have men in their lives in some form, therefore girls should have women in their lives as well. (At some point in time!)

    ROK get your mum and her ‘aunties’ to be involved in her life as well. I dont see nothing wrong with her wanting to do play those games, however, make sure you teach her, her role as a human being first and foremost and then her roles as a woman (they go hand in hand) Reading your comments I know you’ll do alright!

    Whats wrong with wanting to be a ‘chip off the old block’

    My condolences ROK sorry to hear about her mom!

  25. J Avatar
    J

    JC: I second your post above

  26. PiedPiper Avatar
    PiedPiper

    Into the breech I go……historically, women in Barbados were at the mercy of their partners due to lack of education and therefore the ability to survive financially without them. Within the past few decades, women have raced to the forefront in education and professional achievement and along with that the ability to make choices that were not previously available to them and that includes standing up for themselves within their relationships. This has caught a lot of men off guard and unprepared to alter their historical behavior in what they perceived was their God given role as the man of the household. This new dynamic in the traditional Bajan family is not going down well with a lot of men who are used to being in control.
    In the past, women tolerated physical and emotional abuse because they had no choice and most accepted it as their lot in life. Not so anymore. If a man raises his hand to a woman he should not be surprised if that woman, now, will raise her hand back and try to give back as good as she gets. I do not advocate violence of any kind but the changing roles of men and women in Barbados has leveled the playing field and men will have to either change their perceptions of what makes a man or be prepared to take some cuffs.

  27. ROK Avatar
    ROK

    Scout

    No! It was my intention to try to stop the bashing by pointing out that every quarrell has two sides. It takes two hands to clap.

    If we therefore recognise that all two are guilty, then that is a basis to find the real solution, rather than treat what appears to be the symptoms. Each should examine their behaviour and women (I should say feminists) should stop pointing at the mote in men’s eyes and see the beam in theirs first.

  28. ROK Avatar
    ROK

    JC

    You talking about the dead. All gone. On her mother’s side is an excess of males. I have been encouraging her to keep female company and whenever the opportunity arises, I cart her off to female company. Can’t do much better but it kinda haunts me.

  29. CENTIPEDE Avatar
    CENTIPEDE

    Hey David ~ here are your words: you “I TEND to agree that men have been reneging somewhat on their leadership role in the family and it has resulted in the woman having to step up to look after herself and children.”

    My my! you TEND to agree! Dave, where have you been? PLEASE get into the here and now! This is December, 2008. You said “men have been reneging” …. hello? it’s men HAVE reneged! all through the past and especially over the last 50 years!

    Women are taking the leadership roles. Get used to it. WHY? for one thing – – they have seen the light! and they are taking advantage of the opportunities while the ‘men’ drive around in their pretty cars and GO NO WHERE.

    People who write on this blog should come with FACTS and leave the melodramatic opinionatings for Saturday night at the rum shop.

  30. ROK Avatar
    ROK

    Technician

    That is a good point. You think your chores made a difference? Maybe, but you would agree that everybody is not the same?

    I am thinking that as a boy growing up, I used to get out of female company and gravitate towards male company. So no female bedrooms for me; I kept out. No kissing, no hugging and no show of that type of affectionate behaviour as a boy.

    In saying that, I realise that it was a question of identifying with a role. I identified myself of the male species and was most interested in knowing and understanding what it was to be a young male and then an adult male.

    Therefore, would you concede that in as much as a male child is not exposed to what it means to be a man, he could gravitate to what he is accustomed to and shy away from boys that will not hug and kiss and hence become socialised in the ways of a woman?

    Would he not think like a woman, react as a woman would and do the things women do because that is the only behaviour he knows; even his antics and gesticulations? Is this impossible?

  31. Chris Halsall Avatar
    Chris Halsall

    @ROK: With respect (and the following is meant as a joke… (my humour is so rarely understood or appreciated…))

    You’re a pussy!

    Step up, or lay down…

    [Suddenly getting *VERY* serious…]

    The Universe owes us nothing.

    We are what we choose to be.

    Man. Woman. Child…

  32. ROK Avatar
    ROK

    Chris

    Not so sure the universe owes us nothing. Not even sure one should couch it that way. I believe that we are nothing without the universe. We could not survive; we would be extinct by now. By extension, we are an integral part of the universe. We belong to the universe in as much as the unvierse belongs to what/who is in it.

    To what extent do we really choose what we want to be? Is it that we choose the options we are exposed to?

  33. Pat Avatar
    Pat

    @Rok

    Check and see if there is a Big Sisters organization where you are and join her up. This group provide role models for children with a missing parent. We also have Big Brothers.

  34. Chris Halsall Avatar
    Chris Halsall

    @ROK… With truly the deepest of respect…

    Can we be without the Universe?

    Can the Universe be without us?

    To the former: No. To the latter: Yes…

    Therefore, I subscribe to the theory that we all are nothing, other than what we ourselves make of ourselves…

    Kindest regards….

  35. ROK Avatar
    ROK

    @ Pat
    Thanks. Did not think of that. There is a Sacred Sisters Sacred Brothers organisation.

    @Chris
    That is what you say. Are you sure? Well then, the universe could do without whales, birds, flying fish, etc. Not sure you gat that right. There would be no universe. No sense denying the fact we are here and that fact says a lot about the components of the universe. De facto!

  36. Hopi Avatar
    Hopi

    @ROK…..this is a 360 degree argument. This issue is deeper than economics or education. To solve this we need a higher level of consciousness. But let it be known that the CIA created and used feminism to foment further disunity among men and women.

  37. Sargeant Avatar
    Sargeant

    I knew it wouldn’t be long before someone said that the CIA is responsible for divisions between men and women.

  38. J Avatar
    J

    Look Hopi. My mother who was born in the first quarter of the 20th century told all her daughters to learn so that they could work for themselves. She said that when you have to “long out yur hand to a man for money he comes to disrespect you” All of her daughters listened to her.I don’t even know if the CIA existed when my mother became a a feminist.

    I assure you that my mother was NOT listening to the CIA in her rural working village in the early part of last century.

  39. The Scout Avatar
    The Scout

    I have both male and female children, therefore,i think I’m qualified to talk about the upbringing of both sexes. My children are all grown now. My wife was the one designated to deal with the girls on female matters and to teach them about “the birds and the bees,” i did that for my son. Now that we’re all grown-ups, if my daughters have a particular feminine problem to discuss, they speak to their mother., I do the same for my sons.However, if there is a family meeting/discussion and the matter is reaches a stale mate, the final discision is made my me as head of the house. Most often that descision is after consulting with my wife. Sometimes she might not agree but however excepts the verdict from me. This has worked for my family for years and we’re happy with it. Sometimes, I’m too hard or soft on the children and by wife would scold me about it behind their backs and I do the same to her.

  40. The Scout Avatar
    The Scout

    I remember when my children were teenagers and they wanted to go out to a party or fete and they came to me I would get the information from them and then discuss it with my wife before given them an answer. On a few occasions they tried trading off one against the other and once it almost worked but we caught it in time and corrected the matter.That’s why I say a true family is a man and a woman but true love, communication and trust is necessary.

  41. J Avatar
    J

    Dear Hopi:

    Gloria Steinem who some may consider to be the mother of modern American feminism was born in 1934.

    The CIA was born in 1947.

    Let me tell you a little Bajan feminist story.

    In the 1940 the grandmother of a dear friend of mine was fed up that her husband would not work regularly and was unfaithful, so she loaded up her children and her chattles on their mule cart, moved back to her parent’s home, gave the mule a slap on his behind and and sent him back to her husband, went to work at 2 jobs, raised wonderful children, and lived to be nearly a hundred.

    You really think that Bajan women have ever been so stupid that they had to wait for the birth of the CIA to tell them how to deal with bad behaved men?

    Stupseee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Bajan women were feminists long before the CIA was born.

    My great aunt who was born 30 years after slavery was abolished and her sister who was born ten years after worked and put their money together and bought their own land.

    You really think that when they were buying land in rural Barbados in the 1920’s that they were being influenced by the CIA?

    Man you gotta wheel and come again.

  42. Hopi Avatar
    Hopi

    @…J Stop getting ya damn nickers twisted. According to you Gloria Steinem is 13 yrs older than the CIA, does that make it impossible for her to have worked for & with the CIA . If I must reiterate ‘the CIA used feminism to FURTHER foment,’ I did not say that agency gave birth to feminism. Like I said this is a circular argument and you just proved my point that to fix it we need a higher level of consciousness.

  43. JC Avatar
    JC

    @ROK

    I guess you dont have a female friend in your life!

    Get off the blogs goddammit, and find a female friend (just kidding) LOL!

    ROK don’t give up I like J’s advice; however there must be some women who you know would be willing to play that female role!

    You seem to be a good choice in character; choose someone who you admire not a stuck up ole Ms. Molly but someone she can relate too and someone who you know will have a positive effect on your sweetie pooh!

    Good luck ROK and God bless you and your daughter!

  44. ROK Avatar
    ROK

    JC

    I tried it. One thing I have found out in doing so is that women don’t really like other women’s children, when it comes down to the nitty gritty. Not saying there are no exceptions.

    No, there is no female. It gets complicated because there are two extremes here: The females that think they should draw attention to her sexuality; and then those that allow her to get out of hand. There must be some balance here.

    Now we start to talk about responsibility as an adult in bringing up children. I have had some challenges with her and have had to reel her in. During those times when I thought that female company was best, I found that at school, etc. she was on her worst behaviour.

    For example, flouting the teachers authority and simply going to sleep on the desk (thereby doing no work) because she was allowed to be up late, watching DVDs, etc. My response to that was to let the teacher know that I do not expect that behaviour and as teacher she has to do what she has to do to keep her in line; and secondly reeling her in and knowing that by 7 p.m. she is in bed, having done her homework (and not doing it for her) and other chores.

    I am now reflecting on a post by an earlier blogger somewher in BU, who suggested that the problem with ill-discipline is that too many children were being raised by women and they are doing the worst possible job.

    I have come to the conclusion that children need both male and female influences in order to balance themselves. It is one thing to be strict, but what you don’t want your children to lose is their creativity and their ability to think for themselves.

    At the end of the day, my question if this is so, what are we going to do about relations between man and woman. Are we going to continue this gender war and allow our children to continue to suffer? Something has to give and if it takes two, then both have to give a half to get a whole.

  45. The Scout Avatar
    The Scout

    What this gender war is doing is causing young boys to be disrespectful to women, especially those around their age group. I hear boys calling girls now in a “friendly”way, BITCH. The hurtful thing is, these girls are smiling and accepting that kind of lanuage. In a few years, we would have comew full circle. It is up to us adults, both genders to stop the foolishness and not just co-exist but learn to appreciate, love and respect and trust each other.

  46. Hopi Avatar
    Hopi

    @J… My bad,my bad, I did say that the CIA created feminism, my bad. However, they did use it to further foment disunity amongst men and women. And feminism- whatever that means is a “white woman’s contruct.’ The white woman needed to be released from the opression of her white man, hence that ideology was born. Black women were born ‘free’ and knew of no bounds until we came under the ‘dominion’ of the white man. What your mother and the other grandmother did was NOT feministic, that was all in veins of their rich African heritage.

  47. JC Avatar
    JC

    Good points ROK,

    I am one of those people who dont believe that a woman is behind a man and all that bull.

    I think we were thought to think this way true this European idelologies.

    A man has his role and so does his woman. People should be side by side in what ever they do.

    I like how Scout says he deals with his family. He does not look down on his wife but values her contributions.

    That is what is missing from most relationships.

    ROK do not give up on finding a partner doh! You will find someone who loves your daughter unconditionally!

    These things just take time.

    @ Hopi

    I have been doing some research and I found out that my women ancestors use to be Queens who were warriors; moreover, would you believe that we use to go and work since we controlled the buisnesses, and get someone (a concubine) to play our role,such as conceiving and so on with our husband! That is “crazy’ but true.

    The village was run by a woman. And funny enough the men played their roles as well without complaint. We knew our roles and respected each other. All of that has been lost ………

  48. Pat Avatar
    Pat

    @J

    All has not been lost.
    At least not in Ghana
    Where the Ashanti
    Still maintains
    Those old practices.

    I sometimes think
    My black foreparents
    Were also Ashanti…
    The white I know
    Were Irish & Scottish.

  49. bobbie Avatar
    bobbie

    this know it all jackass playing she is a poet now?

  50. ROK Avatar
    ROK

    @JC

    Did you watch the last episode of “A Different Accent” of CBC Sunday? That African lady related a story of her female lawyer friend who consented to her husband marrying a second wife; another female lawyer.

    … but you encouraging me in this thing. I no longer have the will to look. I have looked up, down, across and sideways to no avail. At this point in time, that woman would have to catch me. I have to do like that Bible story; know that the woman is not only the one who offers the water but gets the cup and draws it too. LOL!

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