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Focus Barbados Blog: The Sins of P.Antonio “Boo” Rudder

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P.Antonio ‘Boo’ Rudder

The blogsite Focus Barbados is interesting. The focus of the blogmaster is on the elephant subject in Barbados, one of domestic abuse. The story which captured BU’s attention is titled The Sins of the Barbadian Father: P. Antonio “Boo” Rudder . We take this opportunity to invite parties identified to rebut through the following BU link – Send Confidential Message.

Barbados has a legal obligation to protect women and girls from domestic violence and sexual violence including sexual harassment. The State is required to put the necessary legal and administrative mechanisms in place to adequately protect women and girls from these forms of violence and to provide them with access to just and effective remedies. There must be sustained efforts by the State (such as continuous training of law enforcement personnel and judicial officers, sensitizing the media, educating the public) to challenge the stereotypical attitudes dominant in Barbados which help to perpetuate violence against women and girls. – quote via Caribbean UNWomen

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233 responses to “Focus Barbados Blog: The Sins of P.Antonio “Boo” Rudder”

  1. Hants Avatar
    Hants

    @ David,

    Stories increase with age. lol

  2. Hants Avatar
    Hants

    http://www.nationnews.com/nationnews/news/78107/missing-girls-located-police-seek-help-finding

  3. focusbarbados Avatar
    focusbarbados

    As I read your comments, I approve of them all. Thank you for giving my life a moment of your consideration. I have made updates to my blog post to include more answers to some of your questions. Please keep the analysis and critique coming! It’s a healthy and beautiful ting!

  4. focusbarbados Avatar
    focusbarbados

    David, I noticed you posted about the MISSING GIRLS. What all my posts on the FOCUS BARBADOS blog are about is “WE CULTURE”. The culture that Boo Rudder critiques in his book but has a “hands off approach” to criminal activity and victim support within his family. The same ADULT SON was once a MISSING CHILD at that too was kept secret. The case of these MISSING GIRLS prompted me to publish another blog today about MARGINALIZED AT RISK BAJAN YOUTH, one of whom grew up to become my abusive ex boyfriend. Antonio, the adult, expressed to me (he opened up more and more toward end) during my last stay in 2014-2015 that he had RUN AWAY as a small child to some abandoned buildings where BOO came to find him some time later. Boo’s response was to warn him of the dangers of predators and then there were no further SUPPORT SERVICES offered to Antonio, THE CHILD. When a child runs away there is a reason!!!! And the child needs intervention and support so they won’t grow up to be TROUBLED ADULTS!!!
    Antonio, the child, also jumped out of his parents moving car as they were on their way to church! He fell onto the ground, ran into the house and locked his bedroom door! All those dangerous antics of a CHILD just to have his voice heard! Well, here lies the IRONY of it all! This little boy grew up abusing women and now his voice is finally heard! What was going on in the RUDDER household? I couldn’t take anymore abuse to hear the slow outpourings of confessions. As I was no longer afraid and bound to Antonio through trauma, I no longer had empathy for him above my own safety,… time was no longer on his side for me to find out everything he experienced as a yute.
    Veronica Rudder wanted help for Antonio, she also wanted to relieve her own conscience od of guilt and responsibility for anything in his childhood that produced the abusive ADULT. Thus, the child, Antonio, faced the same MARGINALIZATION as every other youth born to Bajan parents who themselves can’t cope with their own hypocrisy! Because the CULTURE OF ABUSE in Barbados does nothing to PROTECT at risk youth and adults from harming themselves and others by allowing families to order by mandate INTERVENTION by way of mental institutionalization, etc., many mothers and fathers ALLOW and ENABLE the negative consequences of the risks hoping it will all just go away!!!! Say hello!!!

  5. David Avatar
    David

    @focusbarbados

    Is this the link:

    https://focusbarbados.wordpress.com/2016/02/21/a-response-to-the-marginalization-of-at-risk-bajan-youth/

    So far we have not received any communication from the Rudders, you hang tough.

  6. focusbarbados Avatar
    focusbarbados

    Yes this is the link.
    I don’t expect that the Rudder’s will respond. They are Bajan.

  7. focusbarbados Avatar
    focusbarbados

    Hi.
    Someone on this thread mentioned “The Boo I knew wouldn’t condone violence against women”. Herein lies my problem with THE CULTURE OF ABUSE. Many among you are sitting at the table talking with your mouth full, chewing with your mouths open and spitting venom when this a time to DIGEST. Boo Rudder is no expert on the CULTURE of Barbados and neither are any among you because you don’t listen! Not even to your own biad and prejudice…you can’t hear. Just as the ADULT Antonio the desire is for others to be silenced.

    You can’t say in good conscience and in understanding the definition and seduction of domestic abuse that a man, Boo Rudder, who had a child with another woman while in a Christian marriage is all of a sudden cleared of any condonment of abuse of women.
    Domestic violence includes emotional, verbal, financial, psychological and physical forms. Cheating. (maybe what you all call “horning”) would be considered all of the above.
    Antonio, the ADULT, recalled a day when he saw his mother PELTING ROCKS at Boo while he rode past them in a car with another woman. Does Boo or Veronica understand this incident of abusive behavior and spousal conflict was witnessed by their male child and IMPACTED him. DO BAJANS GET IT?!?!?!! Antonio, the ADULT, had no one around explaining to him the nuisances of adult relationships and helping him cope with confusing and conflicting information. I come along, innocent and happy to be in Barbados, only to find myself CAUGHT UP IN THE MIDDLE of a cycle of family abuse. My trying to help and concern for Antonio’s children made me more vulnerable to staying. I understood wjat they

  8. focusbarbados Avatar
    focusbarbados

    I understood what they were all in denial about. But what I didn’t understand is where I was. An American in Barbados abused was not the place to be for healing. How can there be healing where there is no acceptance of wrongdoing and no support services???

    Families of Barbados need honest leadership not cowardly hypocrisy!!!!

  9. Bush Tea Avatar
    Bush Tea

    @ David
    We are lucky to benefit from the wisdom coming from such a model of ‘broughtupsy’ as is demonstrated by your new friend focusbarbados…

    It certainly seems that Barbados is one unholy mess …to have produced this adult man who has failed to live up to her expectations; is a total failure as a partner; and who apparently gave some trouble as a child too…. wuh loss… wonder who chose him for her…?

    It sounds so ‘American’ to want to make someone ‘pay’ when things do not turn out as you intended… Lesser mortals learn from the experience; move on – much the wiser; ..and some even wish well for those that oppressed them…hoping that THEY too would have learnt from the experience…

    Perhaps if she had been equally yoked to an American fellow who had been schooled as she was, we would have seen a blog addressed to her mother seeking redress from the constant harangue and mental abuse that her present epistles would suggest must have been the norm for that relationship…
    Fortunately, American men don’t ‘hit and abuse’ like uncultured Bajans …. they much more ‘humanely’ just shoot everyone in sight….

  10. Well Well & Consequences Avatar
    Well Well & Consequences

    Lol…maybe American cowboys dont have time for all the drama, so maybe you need some cowgirls in Barbados…Bushman.

  11. focusbarbados Avatar
    focusbarbados

    All of you men and women commenting can at any moment become the topic of a blog post about BAJAN PARENTING. The one featuring the family I was closest to is entitled: ” THE BARBADIAN FATHER” for a reason!!! Thank you all who speak to the matter at hand regarding documentation of what the father’s role is in his family during times of calm or crisis and how that plays out in cultures where abuse is NORMAL.

    Continue enlightening me about who you all are. And in some degrees of separation who I am and who my abuser is.

  12. focusbarbados Avatar
    focusbarbados

    I totally agree!!! Abusive Bajan men should not pick American women ao abuse! We have resources here that it’s sad to come to find out are not present or WELCOME in BIM where menfolk want to go about giving she a lash as he pleases. I respect you for taking note of my reluctance in SHUTTING UP and thus succumbing to bullying and stigmatization and I too laugh with you that us Black folk are always quick to divide into class: educated vs uneducated or 3rd world vs 1st world.
    My blog is for all whose stories are untold and whose voices get lost in all the bickering and name calling and pandering and discriminating when it comes to why men decide to hit women as the dominoe effect plays out henceforth.

    I’ve debating the Bajan public for a while now I expect to read a wide range or responses to what I have to say. Just as you have a sense of the “American way” I’ve become acquainted with how Bajans redress. At the end of the day, we all are human and my case will end there: Human (not American or Bajan) Rights! I love it all. Carry on!!!

    Nice one:
    It sounds so ‘American’ to want to make someone ‘pay’ when things do not turn out as you intended… Lesser mortals learn from the experience; move on – much the wiser; ..and some even wish well for those that oppressed them…hoping that THEY too would have learnt from the experience…

  13. Bush Tea Avatar
    Bush Tea

    Woman, your abuser is your mind.
    It is ingrained in your selfish destructive nature….
    It is part of the American culture of greed and selfishness, where the ONLY important thing is what YOU want… or what you think YOU are owed….

    You made a mistake in a relationship… GET OVER IT… try to learn from the experience – keep away from Bajans… what ever works for you…
    …but this vindictive attitude is more damning on you that you seem to appreciate.

    You come across as a damn spiteful, vindictive witch, and a horror to have had to live with…

    Reminds one of the American response to Cuba for the failure at the Bay of Pigs…. via decades of hate, venom, spite and subterfuge….

    …forgiveness is a healing balm, and common sense should have led you to leave at the first sign that the man was unable to meet your basic standards of non violence…. There can be only one person to blame for that lapse…

    Wuh the way things are now, if Bushie’s son were to even mention your name as a possible relationship now, the bushman may be forced to apply the ‘american solution’ to his young bush-ass ….

  14. focusbarbados Avatar
    focusbarbados

    Being unfortunate for you that I wasn’t abused my an American man but by a Bajan one let’s REMIX your stab and jab quote:

    It sounds so ‘Bajan’ to want to make someone ‘pay’ when things do not turn out as you intended… Lesser mortals learn from the experience; move on – much the wiser; ..and some even wish well for those that oppressed them…hoping that THEY too would have learnt from the experience…

    Exactly! Men, BAJAN and American…HUMAN and maybe even Martian must learn not to try BEATING WOMEN INTO SUBMISSION. They should take your words to heart!

    But anyway, for further NOISE from me just take your pick from the blog posts! I cover all of this shite.

  15. Bush Tea Avatar
    Bush Tea

    @ Well Well
    Physical abuse is child’s play compared to mental /psychological / intellectual abuse. Those that resort to physical abuse are almost always signalling their inability to match their victim intellectually /mentally. Immature children and lower order idiots tend to resort to physical methods in leu of reasoned logic.

    When therefore, you have ‘well read’ and articulate females, who have the ability to harangue, harass and mentally destroy someone who happens to be their intellectual inferior, you may have to look deeper to identify who the true ‘victim’ really is…

    As you probably worked out, Bushie has no need to resort to physical violence as a matter of course, …and you probably also noted that a few well chosen words can be FAR more devastating …even than a slap… so what REALLY is abuse…?

    Is it any wonder that ‘a soft answer turneth away wrath’ …?

    On the other hand, there may well be a place for some physical violence in circumstances for example where you have to deal with complete idiots who know of no other way… or with children who are too young and inexperienced to respond to complex verbalization…

  16. Simple Simon Avatar
    Simple Simon

    @David February 21, 2016 at 1:44 PM “Simple Simon. You always have a story.”

    Yes David. Some of us are griots. if we pass on the stories of the ancestors we may find solutions to age old problems.

    I was offering another workable solution, that’s all.

  17. Simple Simon Avatar
    Simple Simon

    @Bush Tea February 21, 2016 at 9:26 PM “Fortunately, American men don’t ‘hit and abuse’ like uncultured Bajans.”

    You are joking right?

    American men not only shoot everyone in sight, but they also horn, throw rocks, hit, slap, pinch, punch, choke, shove, get drunk, take drugs both illegal and prescription etc. etc. etc.

    American men are merely human.

    Contrary to what many Americans believe, American men are NOT EXCEPTIONAL.

    They are no better than Bajan men.

    They are no worse than Bajan men (except for the mass shooting few)

  18. Simple Simon Avatar
    Simple Simon

    That said a Bajan man has never hit me nor threatened to hit me. Neither has an American man. They know better.

  19. de Ingrunt Word Avatar
    de Ingrunt Word

    @Bush at 9:50 PM, far be in for me to pose questions lacking in intelligence to you as I have no idea of what a” Gauss-Seidel type solution” is. I am but a flawed chap who sits and frets his hour on dis here BU. Full of my own disarray but yet willing to discuss the disarray of others…as most here, I suspect (except you of course and Pieces to name two).

    Your writing above at 9:50 gives an alarming example of how a generation of Bajan men think and act. You assail the female vigorously and save your fellow Bajan Boo and his son from any adverse commentary.

    I find it hard to simply dismiss the author’s commentary as blissfully as you do with “Woman, your abuser is your mind…It is ingrained in your selfish destructive nature….”

    Surely she has taken her former lover to task and divulged more of his life’s story and that of his family than might be considered ‘decent’ but is this not the type of expose that we have read for years about others ‘over in away’.

    Is it that her commentary about Rudder Snr’s life and ex-marital activities are none of our business, in your view? Is it that her remarks on the possible impact various incidents with his Dad had on the son is too much personal data?

    It all sounds like an interesting psychological framework to me. And just as surely I would not want my family’s business out there like that either. But why shoot the messenger who is simply chronicling her interpretations of very compelling facts.

    This is some tough stuff.

    Yes it’s a knock on one who appears to be your friend but surely in this complex life of which you speak you can accept that even the most complex mathematical problems have at its core some basic steps that even an 11 can understand.

    The lady make appear ‘vindictive’ to you but she also does have a very compelling narrative… we may not want to hear it but listen we should. It’s a story told too many times now!

  20. ac Avatar
    ac

    Yes ! the abuser LIVES in the mind of the victim…The years of kicks and punches and shouts resonates in the mind of the victim for many years .The psychological damage goes beyond repair as the memories of those horrible days of pain and night mare agony does not go away with time remaining resolute and resistance when it reacts to the pain and suffering of other victims
    There are some males in the society who still believe that the female is deserving of every punch and kick from the male which fosters and ingrained a high degree of control a step forward in their mind which gives more power and dominance over the female influence by macho behavior

  21. Artax Avatar
    Artax

    PLEASE NOTE: To the INDIVIDUALS who have problems with COMPREHENSION: I DO NOT CONDONE abuse of ANY kind, whether it is emotional, physical, sexual or domestic violence.

    Why would a woman subject herself to being physically abuse and remain in that abusive relationship for a number of years, then seek to blame the abuser, his father, Barbadian society and the system?

    An abuser does not become abusive “over night,” more often than not that individual has a history of being abusive and exhibits certain behavioural traits that are characteristic of an abuser. Some of these traits include jealousy, controlling, unrealistic expectations (i.e. expects the partner to meet all needs), hypersensitivity, rough sex, blaming others for their problems or emotional state. Common sense would dictate to one of reasonable thought not to become involved with someone who displays such behaviour.

    Unfortunately, the person being abused choose to ignore these “warning signs” or “red flags” because of a misguided opinion or belief they are “in love,” and would find excuses for the abuser’s behaviour, while blaming themselves or denying the abuse. Ironically, the person being abused usually possesses a personality that attracts abusive men/women and would often move from one abusive relationship to the next. This is indicative of serious low self esteem issues.

    I believe both women and men should avail themselves with the early warning signs of abuse and seek more information about their prospective partner, before rushing into and committing to a relationship.

  22. Bernard Codrington. Avatar
    Bernard Codrington.

    It would be instructive if a similar psychiatric analysis could be done on the ex -daughter- in- law of the Rudders. Very often what a persons says is an indication of who She/ He is. I think her expose was malicious – calculated to pull down the public image of Boo Rudder and family. Bajans do not tolerate wickedness simply because we respect other peoples privacy.

  23. Bernard Codrington. Avatar
    Bernard Codrington.

    Barbados is not America. This is who we are. We do not need a template from North America as to how we deal with our problems. Our cultural experiences inform our behaviour. A self- respecting Barbadian woman would have been out of that relationship in less than three years.

  24. ac Avatar
    ac

    Always so easy to blame the victim. How about the man removing homself from a volatile situation one which he obvioulsy has lost control. .in the meanwhile he should take full responsibility of himself and seek help for his problem.

  25. David Avatar
    David

    Instead of pointing fingers and engaging in the blame game, let us foster a climate that makes it receptive for those being abused to reach out for support.

  26. Well Well & Consequences Avatar
    Well Well & Consequences

    I have married sons and daughter’s, I have had to intervene on one or two occasions because of a very fiery daughter who has no problem beating up a husband if she’s pissed off enough, as mother, I also acted as counselor to put an end to that behavior and because a child was also present.

    My daughters are very strong and will not be the abused, but if provoked, will turn violent. My sons never hit women, they walk away, as they were taught to do, it does not mean they would not defend themselves or they end the relationship to prevent future problems..

    There is no reason why a father cannot play the same role of counsellor to protect all involved…did the Rudder dude not get his violent ass locked up after that incident, which could have been avoided along with all the following embarrassment.

  27. Artax Avatar
    Artax

    Note I began my contribution with a “disclaimer” to those who lack comprehension skills.

    Rather than address domestic violence issues in a “wholesome” manner, society prefers to take an adversarial approach, with one section blaming the abuser, while another section blames the one being abused, without taking into consideration that BOTH the ABUSER and the ONE BEING ABUSED NEED PSYCHOLOGICAL HELP.

    The abuser is referred to the police and court system (which more or less aggravates his/her problem), since issues resulting from an aggressive approach by the police and court, whereby the abuser is faced with restraining orders or incarceration, usually compounds/intensifies his/her anger.

    For example, during incarceration are there any PROGRAMS to help the abuser RECOGNIZE he/she has a problem and benefit from the relevant counseling? Or do we continue incarcerating the abuser without adequately addressing his problem, which in the long may result in their death at the hands of relatives, friends or someone with whom they enter into a relation, who is similarly aggressive and does not tolerate abuse?

    On the other hand, the person being abused (as in the case of women) is referred to shelters for abused women, which is good for their protection. They suffer from low self esteem; deny being abused; convince themselves the man is a good man, but it is something they (woman) is doing (or not) that causes the abuser to be abusive; believe they cannot survive without him or believe the relationship/marriage is more important than their well being.

    Under these circumstances abused individuals must recognize and come to terms with the fact that they may also suffer from the long term psychological effects of abuse, since, for example, depression, anxiety disorder, chronic fatigue or PTSD are usually symptomatic of domestic violence.

    Hence, the individual being abused also need counseling to regain a sense of self worth and build their self esteem. And this is important, especially against the back ground that many abused women often have personalities that attract abusive men.

  28. Simple Simon Avatar
    Simple Simon

    I wonder as well if this person (who believes she was well brought up) did not inform her own mother and her own FATHER of the abuse. And I wonder what was their response. Did they tell her to stay thousands of miles away and endure the abuse? Or did they advise her to leave after the first instance of abuse. And if they advised her to leave, did she take their advice? And if not why not? Did she inform her Embassy of the abuse? And if so what was their response? Did they advise her to stay and take the abuse? Or did they advise her to leave. And if they advised her to leave did she take that advice? And if not why not?

    Too often unfortunately women stay in abusive situations because consciously or unconsciously they believe that they have to “save” the man.

    Ladies you are not psychotherapists. You are God/Jah/Allah/Yahweh. You do not have to “save” anybody. You CANNOT save anybody.

    Leave abusive relationships and take your minor children (if any) with you.

    Do not inform the abusive partner that you are leaving, and once you have left do NOT contact him or any of his friends or family. Do NOT ever tell him where you are. And yes that may mean staying off social media for years.

  29. Simple Simon Avatar
    Simple Simon

    Another story David. My own mother (may she rest in peace) had to leave Barbados once to travel to the great white north in order “fix” a son-outlaw.

  30. David Avatar
    David

    How did she fix Simple? A 2×3?

  31. Hants Avatar
    Hants

    We all have to live with the effects of the internet phenomenon which allows public naming and shaming.

    I have empathy for the abused but I also will not blame a parent for their adult children’s actions.

    It is unfortunate that a man who has done a lot for other Bajans and Barbados is now having his character attacked because his son is alleged to have abused a woman.

  32. de Ingrunt Word Avatar
    de Ingrunt Word

    @ David at 11:19 AM , well said senor: “Instead of pointing fingers … let us foster a climate that makes it receptive for those being abused to reach out for support.” And in that vein I am very disappointed that the senior sages who visit your site like Bush Tea and indeed Bernard Codrington would adopt the stance they have to vilify or otherwise call out the abuser so strongly and basically give a pass to the alleged abuser.

    Let me give my own disclaimer: I do not know either Rudder personally and know only of Rudder Sr’s public persona. That has always been one as a respected, intelligent accomplished Bajan.

    I find @Codrington’s perspective that “Our cultural experiences inform our behaviour.” to be absolutely confusing and disingenuous. The little island on which I grew up, as he did, has always had abused women. Many of them which he now describes as lacking self-respect raised men and women who now live fruitful lives and have important jobs and roles. Many of those women moved on and also enjoyed future success.

    It always ‘amuses’ me when very educated and smart people delineate BIM as some special land mass with some special group of people who do not have the same basic psychological profiles as the other billions who inhabit this earth: the same likes and dislikes; same views that informs Maslow hierarchy, Herzberg’s motivation thesis or those of Pavlov.

    How are Bajans’ different in the study of domestic abuse than any other human being because of OUR CULTURE? Exactly what level of scholarly dissertation informs such a grand suggestion?

    Let’s be honest and clear. Mr. Rudder Sr is a decent and good man who like us all has his flaws. The fact that he has an adult child who is alleged to have abused his girlfriend does not take away from his decency or esteem. It simply means he has a family problem.

    As others have said he can either act the wise patriarch and help his son overcome his alleged problems or he can use that same wisdom and stay away to allow other people to help.

    He and certainly none of his supporters here should be vilifying the accuser…

    I ask Mr. Codrington this question below based on his very evocative remark that “a self- respecting Barbadian woman would have been out of that relationship in less than three years”….

    What then should a self-respecting, cultured Bajan man of woman born have done: kick this woman lacking self respect to the curb; be a more loving and wondrous mate or expose his woman for the vindictive, lying sycophant that she was (according to your perspective)?

    Is there any ability to speak truth to power here in Barbados; any ability to separate friendship and alleged injustice?

    Mr Rudder Sr’s life achievements are not diminished by the alleged actions of his adult child. In fact he has an opportunity to build on what has been an excellent public legacy by being forthright on this troubling issue that afflicts us as it does people the world over.

  33. ac Avatar
    ac

    The abuser in most cases lives in denial persuaded and most likely influence by a home enviroment in which the abuser was reared which used volatile methods as a way of solving problems
    Most times the women/s options are limited especially when there are children involved and no other source of income by which she can survived is readily available outside that of the abuser

  34. focusbarbados Avatar
    focusbarbados

    I relate to Antonio in regards to his UPBRINGING and I relate to the abuse culture in Barbados which is why I speak out about him and his culture. Once the disorientation and trauma subsided, I became aware that I had to do my research if I wanted a healthy outcome. No one was going to a damn thing to help me, I had to be strong and take this matter on. I begin to understand the setting of the story which definitely mattered! What happened to me transpired during a relationship with a Bajan man in Barbados. As apart of my healing, I eventually became interested in the attitudes and behaviors of every one I called friend, family and otherwise (police, courts, etc) on that island. It wasn’t until Feb 2015 that I realized Antonio never had any plans at getting help for his problem that he dragged me into kicking and screaming and that his parents had prior knowledge of and did nothing to stop him from abusing other women by at the least not allowing him to bring women to their house at which he lives, bring women around his children of which they care for. They too have a responsibility to WARN OTHERS as I am also now doing, that a deranged sick man (a son and father himself) is walking the streets free to do as he pleases, unchallenged, unmotivated and unrelenting in doing as he pleases…. Until now!

  35. Vincent Haynes Avatar
    Vincent Haynes

    Abuse in all of its forms seems to be a Bajan past time… this just came over VoB,a crying English female who has been living here for 10 years and owns her home here,complained to the police for the bull of a 5foot kite roaring at all hours year round,she complained to the police on several occasions over a 4 year period,only to be told it is a bajan thing by the police,her final report involved racial slurs and death threats by one of the two brothers responsible……long story short the police decided that she could not repeat the words used and pelt out the case….the distraught woman is leaving the island.

    Ellis has suggested that action would be forthcoming if the Daily Mail was contacted in the UK…..he has a point,only the fear of scaring away visitors to the island will evoke action.

    Ellis also made the point that the behaviour of the brothers is part of the wider behaviour of the people in responsible positions in this country.

  36. focusbarbados Avatar
    focusbarbados

    The Bajan women he abused may have left too and way before I did. But no one took him to the court of criminal law or public opinion til now. Maybe he will now know not to ever put his hands on ANYONE ever again! Maybe he won’t. I don’t trust him. I learned the hard way but my sharing my story makes it easier foe the next woman to be held accountable because if she wants to know who he is, I’ve out some information out here to help her navigate. When he has REHABILITATED, maybe I will get the memo and I will be sure to update my blog of those developments….in all fairness.

  37. focusbarbados Avatar
    focusbarbados

    Now matter how long I stayed, I left and no matter if I never defended myself physically IT’S TRUE I’m now caught red handed yielding the power of WORDS like a sword to ensure that I, he, his family, the police, the courts never have LAPSES in RESPONSE and JUDGMENT in matters involving abuse of women and the child witnesses (his children) again.
    I, too, share the shame, blame and the consequences. No one in this matter is free from scrutiny, character attacks, having to defend one self, being cross examination, wounding, scarring, embarrassment, ridicule and public opinion and scorn. My question has always been: If it all hinges upon the woman leaving, where are the LEGAL and EMOTIONAL support services for such women? You have to be abused and navigate a broken Bajan criminal justice system to uncover the truth. Where is the criminal and CONSEQUENCES for the abuser as well as REHABILITATION services?
    Where is the public push for punishing abusers and ensuring victims aren’t PRESSURED into just getting over it by the lack of adequate and honest assistance legally as well as survivor support mechanisms???

  38. focusbarbados Avatar
    focusbarbados

    Where are the CULTURAL LEADERS hiding when their own children tarnish the very culture they have worked hard at building up?!?!! Those leaders who have done so much for Bajans and Barbados where are they when a TOURIST is abused by one of their own, a Bajan??? On one end you hold people in high esteem as they so themselves and then on another end they too are just another HELPLESS VICTIM of Antonio’s cycle of consequences for his abuse that he apparently inflicts on his own culture and its’ leadership! Shame on him. Don’t shoot the messenger. Ummmm. That would be him. He sent the message loud and clear!

  39. focusbarbados Avatar
    focusbarbados

    It’s true, I never saw the day when he stopped abusing in all the varying forms and it’s a shame on me that I thought he cared about ALL OF THESE CONSEQUENCES up to the present day. He, a Rudder, marches to the beat of his own drum as his father taught him to do. May they all find the courage to admit as I’ve done in my own failings and to reach out to those their inaction and actions have negatively effected especially involving these private matters that yet effect the public. My blog is also my way of reaching out to those I too am responsible to, any woman or child who feels of felt voiceless. Every blog is not just a stain on Barbados, but it drips with my very own blood.
    Will you all bleed me out or will someone demand justice for Jahan? Shemar???? Antonio the child??? Or maybe even me??? Abusers cannot plead “NOT GUILTY” and move on. Their fathers and communities cannot support them in such endeavors! And as long as they attempt a cover up, I will be here shedding light in what REALLY happened. How dare them deny victims of CRIME the closure of truth after even ONE HIT or ONE DAY in the company of such abuse! Criminals need to be as unafraid as they are when threatened to have a call out tp the police and they say: “I DON’T GIVE A FUCK!” and face JUSTICE without further delays. I mean you really terrorize a woman when you don’t even fear the police! That’s until she learns that Bajan police allow men to get away with domestic violence. I learned a little late but I learned what was behind his macho and kicks!!!! Why even put someone you abused and your family through all the naming and shaming that happens when police and courts do intake? He is guilty. All abusers all over the world: Rehabilitate and make restitutions now! I will continue my various forms of therapy and make sure I benefit from all the sick shite Antonio’s abuse taught me and spot it in any man who looks my way! I vow to apply the knowledge, I will continue my efforts in the area of child protection and I will share all of this as a public service announcement to others…in continuum!

  40. focusbarbados Avatar
    focusbarbados

    Antonio abused for no reason and that carries no weight. I’ve answered his blows and the critics in my “VINDICTIVE” blogs and now I’m the VILLAIN he always said he qas and aspired to be. Poetic Justice so it seems:
    “Head in the Sand Mentality in Barbados”
    https://focusbarbados.wordpress.com/2015/05/14/where-is-the-responsibility-modeling-in-barbados-the-blame-game-psychopaths-in-the-making/

  41. focusbarbados Avatar
    focusbarbados

    The Importance of taking Social Concerns Seriously in Barbados:
    https://focusbarbados.wordpress.com/2015/05/17/addressing-social-concerns-in-barbados-bbc-graduate-annalicia-skeete-scheduled-to-present-her-research-findings/

    Domestic Violence is not a Private Matter:

    https://focusbarbados.wordpress.com/2015/06/02/dispelling-the-myth-that-domestic-violence-is-a-private-matter-the-impact-on-barbados-society/

    Those Who Remain Neutral are Actually On the Side of the Abuser:

    https://focusbarbados.wordpress.com/2015/06/19/dispelling-the-myth-about-abuse-if-i-dont-take-sides-then-im-not-saying-its-anyones-fault-im-neutral/

    Survivors are like Ghosts who Haunt and Never go way til they receive Justice

    https://focusbarbados.wordpress.com/2015/06/19/dispelling-the-myth-about-ghost-stories-the-unspeakable-abuse-that-haunt-us/

    Why wont she just go away???? Wuh loss!!!!

    https://focusbarbados.wordpress.com/2015/12/31/are-you-gonna-shut-up-the-barbadian-culture-of-silence/

  42. focusbarbados Avatar
    focusbarbados

    After he attacked Jason Paul son James Paul I remember saying to OUR FRIEND Jason in 2012 after Antonio first strangled me: “Do you remember when I cried out for help to you on the farm that day and you ENSURED ME that I MUST HAVE done something to PROVOKE Antonio’s abuse?” And he remembered. And then I asked: “How does it feel now that you were ATTACKED without provocation by this very man we all LOVE and ADORE so much that we take his kicks to the head and watch him walk away and never look back?
    Jason APOLOGIZED to me for not calling the police after this attack because in his words: It would have prevented Antonio’s 3rd attack on me. And then he disclosed that he witnessed Antonio putting his ex girlfriend in a headlock before.
    Note: Jason withheld this information until AFTER he was too abused. He didn’t warn me and he didn’t want to take my side until after he became a VICTIM!

    After apologizing Jason asked of me: “Pursue justice to the very end. Do what I couldn’t do.”

    Imagine, me, a caring person enduring all of this…. Learning all of this… Experiencing all of this…and I’m a TOURIST living AMONG all of this…. I was in literal shock and I was frozen. So many HURTING PEOPLE! So much pain. It stiffled me. We all cried for help in different ways along the way!

  43. Bush Tea Avatar
    Bush Tea

    Dee Ingrunt Word you are so naive that you could probably only live in Canada…
    In any case, as Bushie said, Gauss Seidel is not for 11 Plus…
    Where do you see anyone giving the man a pass…?

    @ David
    Hopefully this woman is not from Kalamazoo…..?
    We are seeing today how their young men deal with issues after being exposed to their ways…

    @ Well Well
    If you REALLY want to understand a man’s idea of ‘abuse’, try to picture having to live with AC…. and tell Bushie if you would not flee to Arizona too….

    “It is better to live in a damn desert …than in a house with a ‘miserable-as-ass’ woman”
    …and don’t bother to cuss Bushie, cause that quote is from a far wiser head than the Bushman’s…

  44. focusbarbados Avatar
    focusbarbados

    Listen to your ELDERS people!!!!!:
    According to P. Antonio “Boo” Rudder in his book, Marching to a Different Drummer:

    “Our culture is not static. We are impacted by the tourist industry, radio and television that are generally lacking in national focus, and too many Barbadians are becoming more aggressive in a style that is being evidenced across the world.”

  45. focusbarbados Avatar
    focusbarbados

    I’m thankful for my personally autographed copy of said book! May you all go out and buy your own copy! May the Rudder’s prosper and enjoy the fruits of their genius and entitlement forever!

    As for me: WHO CARES???

    For more of the same measure of gutsy, robust and intelligent critique of the self appointed critique master of Bajan society:
    https://focusbarbados.wordpress.com/2016/02/20/the-sins-of-the-father-p-antonio-boo-rudder/

  46. ac Avatar
    ac

    Bush tea shut up you fell of your tantem pole now shut to f..uck up nobody cares what you think you ole boar
    You are a heartless mudder fuc..ker trying to degrade victims of domestic violence while propping up the classless tasteless actions of abusers some of whom are your friends

  47. chad99999 Avatar
    chad99999

    As a child, I once had a conversation with a young woman who claimed she was occasionally beaten by her boyfriend. I asked her why she took the “licks.” Her answer was “He beats me when I do something to get him really mad, so I know I matter to him. I prefer that than the alternative, which would be if he cared so little about me that it didn’t matter what I did.”
    In all the feminist frenzy about “domestic abuse”, it is useful to remind the mobs out there that human relationships are complex, and there are all kinds of reasons that violence erupts in a household. A woman who resents being hit but stays in a relationship more often than not has weighed the benefits and costs of leaving and decided she is better off in the relationship than not. There is no social benefit to breaking up the relationship to “fix the problem” of hitting.

  48. focusbarbados Avatar
    focusbarbados

    @Chad: Hi. Your comment is very interesting. Especially,
    “There is no social benefit to breaking up the relationship to “fix the problem” of hitting.”
    I agree “the problem”, whatever it is, will exist with or without the parameters of that relationship. The “hitting” can stop if one leaves but “the problem” remains an unknown. Which is why I so frantically saught information as to what each responsible parties “problem” is. The social benefit is that people in a society become INTROSPECTIVE (mirror image) and innovative when it comes to identifying and engineering the detrimental attitudes and behaviors that show itself in private matters that do have an impact on the public in many forms.

  49. focusbarbados Avatar
    focusbarbados

    @Chad
    After leaving the relationship, the subsidence of the after effects of ptsd began making it more possible for me to recall, process and think more freely, independently and clearly and I begin researching and writing (2 of my favorite pastimes). I have come to find that The BARBADIAN FATHER is an important figure in his abusive son’s life as well as “WE CULTURE”!!!!! (this is true across the globe)
    Bancroft: “….abusiveness has little to do with psychological problems and everything to do with values and beliefs. Where do a boy’s values about partner relationships come from? The sources are many. The most important ones include the family he grows up in, his neighborhood, the television he watches and books he reads, jokes he hears, messages that he receives from the toys he is given, and his most influential adult role models. His role models are important not just for which behaviors they exhibit to the boy but also for which values they teach him in words and what expectations they instill in him for the future. In sum, a boy’s values develop from the full range of his experiences within his culture.”

  50. focusbarbados Avatar
    focusbarbados

    As a TOURIST I came to Barbados to be free of violence. I wasn’t just “abused” by Antonio but a wide range of factors came in to place after the hitting and I never left until I understood what happened and what I must do to resolve the entire problem. Leaving him alone was only the beginning. I today seek full resolution.

    https://focusbarbados.wordpress.com/2016/02/20/the-sins-of-the-father-p-antonio-boo-rudder/

    Even Mr. Rudder acknowledges the culture of violence to which he as well as his son are born and bred. Quote P. Antonio “Boo” Rudder:

    “When I was a boy, I remember hearing many stories about the fortunes of women who neglected their household chores to listen to a mid-day programme called Second Spring Lives or The Bold and the Beautiful. Within the cultural paradigm of the time, many women received severe abusive treatment from their husbands and partners when meals were not prepared on time. Fortunately the rule of law, growing awareness among women about human rights issues, and the lessening of dependence on men for economic support because of access to better education, have eroded and reduced the incidence of a rather ugly aspect of male domination of the female population. Moreover, society no longer gives tacit approval.”

    https://focusbarbados.wordpress.com/2015/04/26/actions-to-be-taken-to-prevent-and-eliminate-violence-against-women-h-e-mr-joseph-goddards-report-to-the-united-nations-march-2013/

    Statement by H.E MR. JOSEPH GODDARD
    PERMANENT REPRESENTATIVE OF BARBADOS TO THE UNITED NATIONS:

    Madam Chair, Although Barbados has made significant progress towards achieving gender equality and women’s empowerment, there still remain a number of challenges and obstacles in the implementation of the Beijing Platform of Action, particularly in the wake of the financial and economic crisis which has had profound impacts on the society and economy. Barbados will therefore continue to call upon the international community to assist the genuine efforts of developing countries to achieve the full implementation of the Beijing Platform of Action, and to create a world where women and girls can live free of violence. I thank you.

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