Submitted by Charles Knighton

Recent scientific research has led to an epiphany in my thoughts and attitudes regarding young people. I was just thinking the other day how much I really like—no, like and admire—people in their 20s. Seriously. I have heard rumors that my fellow Baby Boomers snipe at Millennials’  fixation on “selfies,” their “meaningful” tattoos, their relentless need for banal self-expression. But not me. Pants below the waist? Such a charming affectation. Besides, the Boomer-run world needs young blood. And soon, we may need it in a quite literal sense.

In three startling studies published in the journals Science and Nature Medicine a few weeks ago, scientists discovered that injecting the blood of young mice into old fogey mice rejuvenated the aging critters’ brains, hearts and muscles, giving them the endurance and mental facility of the young mice. The older rodents’ memories improved by up to 50 percent, and they ran on a treadmill as long as their youthful counterparts. If vampiric therapy works with humans, it could lead to a much closer—indeed, symbiotic—relationship between Boomers and Millennials.

Speaking of which, I’d like to take this opportunity to address my wonderful daughter. I know I’ve been crotchety at times, and groused about your unkempt bedroom, the dishevelled kitchen you leave in your wake, or coming home late without calling. Sorry, but you get grouchier as your brain ages. It need not be this way.

In days of yore, children repaid the debt of their birth with long hours of fieldwork or household chores. Since that’s no longer the norm, wouldn’t you like to show your appreciation to Dad (and Mom, too) by donating a pint or two of blood every now and then? Roll up your sleeve and close your eyes; it won’t hurt a bit. Just think: You could continue to get my unwanted criticism and advice for another 50 years.