How Do We Get Our Children To Behave?

black_fathersHow often have we heard the adage, it takes a village to raise a child? Last week Barbadians were confronted with the sad news of an 11 year old bullied to death. The fact the bullying had taken place over a long period of time and known to many yet as a society we were impotent. The parents of the bullies did nothing. The school and by extension the Ministry of Education was impotent. The little boy before he met his horrible death was living a life full of torment.

May he rest in peace.

Increasingly Barbadians are witnessing the transformation of our society which has become very impersonal. It seems a contradictory position that a society which is so small should feel comfortable with what is has become. Many Barbadians from days of yore subscribe to the maxim, spare the rod and spoil the child. In an earlier blog we discussed the issue of Smacking Children In A Democracy. It appears a clash of generations when deciding on whether spanking children is good or bad for their development has created a deer caught in headlights position.

A recent study by Murray Straus of the University of New Hampshire showed the more a child was spanked the lower his or her IQ compared with others. Old Barbadians will argue the point we have spanked our children for years and built a wholesome society in the process. By comparison we have witnessed a US society which forbids parents and teachers from administering corporal punishment and what has been the result? A scan of the US news networks on any day narrates a society in social decay. For example, CNN is currently running a news story about a 16 year old African boy beaten to death by other children in Obama’s home city of Chicago. He was an honour student. Over 3 dozen children  children killed in Chicago for the year so far and many more nationwide.

It seems we live in a world today where we are unable to put the train back on the track. What does the future holds? How can we rebuild our society to make it safe for our children?

The article which highlights the research done about how spanking our children can lead to lower IQs is pasted below for convenience.

Children Who Get Spanked Have Lower IQs

By Jeanna Bryner, Senior Writer

posted: 24 September 2009 09:12 pm ET

Spanking can get kids to behave in a hurry, but new research suggests it can do more harm than good to their noggins. The study, involving hundreds of U.S. children, showed the more a child was spanked the lower his or her IQ compared with others.

“All parents want smart children,” said study researcher Murray Straus of the University of New Hampshire. “This research shows that avoiding spanking and correcting misbehavior in other ways can help that happen.”

One might ask, however, whether children who are spanked tend to come from backgrounds in which education opportunities are less or inherited intelligence lower.

But while the results only show an association between spanking and intelligence, Straus says his methodology and the fact that he took into account other factors that could be at play (such as parents’ socioeconomic status) make a good case for a causal link.

“You can’t say it proves it, but I think it rules out so many other alternatives; I am convinced that spanking does cause a slowdown in a child’s development of mental abilities,” Straus told LiveScience.

Intelligence quotients

Straus and his colleague Mallie Paschall of the Pacific Institute for Research and Evaluation in Maryland studied nationally representative samples of two age groups: 806 children ages 2 to 4, and 704 ages 5 to 9. The researchers tested the kids’ IQs initially and then four years later.

Both groups of kids got smarter after four years. But the 2- to 4-year-olds who were spanked scored 5 points lower on the IQ test than those not spanked. For children ages 5 to 9, the spanked ones scored on average 2.8 points lower than their unspanked counterparts.

The results, he said, were statistically significant. And they held even after accounting for parental education, income, cognitive stimulation by parents and other factors that could affect children’s mental abilities.

Straus will present the study results, along with research on the relationship between average national IQ and prevalence of spanking around the world, Friday at the 14th International Conference on Violence, Abuse and Trauma, in San Diego, Calif.

Spanking science

Whether or not spanking equates with dumber kids is not known, and may never be known. That’s because the only way to truly show cause and effect would be to follow over time two groups of kids, one randomly assigned to get spanked and another who would not get spanked. Barring that method, which is unfeasible, Straus considers his study the next best thing, as he looked back at a nationally representative set of kids who were followed over time.

Jennifer Lansford of Duke University’s Center for Child and Family Policy and Social Science Research Institute called the study “interesting,” and agrees the method is a strong one. Lansford, who was not involved with the study, said following kids over time as this study did rules out the possibility that children with lower IQs somehow elicit more physical discipline.

However, unlike research showing the link between spanking and a kid’s aggressive behavior, in which kids model parents’ actions, this link is less clear to her. She added that a question still left unanswered is “what are some of the other mechanisms that could be responsible for this link between physical discipline and lower IQ?”

How spanking harms

If spanking does send IQ scores down, Straus and others offer some explanations for what might be going on.

“Contrary to what everyone believes, being hit by parents is a traumatic experience,” Straus said. “We know from lots of research that traumatic stresses affect the brain adversely.” Also, the trauma could cause kids to have more stressful responses in difficult situations, and so may not perform as well cognitively.

By using hitting rather than words or other means of discipline, parents could be depriving kids of learning opportunities. “With spanking, a parent is delivering a punishment to get the child’s attention and to get them to behave in a certain way,” said Elizabeth Gershoff who studies childhood development at the University of Texas, Austin. “It’s not fostering children’s independent thinking.”

So when a child gets in a bind, he or she might do the right thing to keep from a spanking rather than figuring out the best decision independently, added Gershoff, who was not involved in Straus’s current study.

And then there are genes, as some kids are just born smarter than others.

Even though spanking has been shown to cause negative consequences, Gershoff said many parents still fall back on the behavior-shaping tool. As for why, she says it’s a quick fix, though its seeming success is short-lived and the negative consequences often outweigh the positives. Parents also might have been spanked themselves and so continue the tradition.

75 thoughts on “How Do We Get Our Children To Behave?

  1. Unfortunately, this post reflects what the middle class in Barbados has always done: forego the opportunity to create its own history on its own terms, choosing instead merely to imitate what the UK and the North American countries do.

    Almost nobody in Barbados thought spanking was bad until the British and the Americans told us so. In those countries, the decision to progressively outlaw corporal punishment has led to the establishment of a “sissy” culture in which parents can easily lose custody of their children or be thrown in jail for slapping. The predictable result has been that very large numbers of children have run wild at home and in the schools, the sex-and-drug culture has taken hold, and nobody bothers any more to count the death toll of delinquent boys who are jailed or gunned down by police for failing to obey the gunslingers with a badge. That is the grim future that awaits Barbados if it continues to adopt the foolish ideas of Western societies.

  2. I have noticed that children from Godly homes where the Bible is taught and respected GENERALLY behave well, and their parents have no problem getting them to behave.

  3. @DAVID

    The generation of young people we are currently dealing with transcend all the conventional boundaries and barriers established by our parents and grandparents…

    None of the “ancient” (play on words) tools in the toolbox will work with these guys…

    The grip of hyper-reality and subcultural norms are pervasive, i.e. GANGS, GANGSTA RAP, MEDIA INDOCTRINATION, LOVE OF MONEY & MATERIALISM (Bling), NO ABSOLUTES, NO MORAL HEDGES, SOCIALLY INCOGNITO* – the shopping list is endless… all this and more has completely dominated their supposed invincible worlds…

    A fragile world created in their minds!!!

    Never before have we been able to witness the Darwinian ethos at work that says – “survival is about the fittest, the strongest, the most beautiful, the most talented, the most outrageous, the most sinister – you name it…..

    What we are witnessing is a form of delivery. A generation of young people against the world – a generation X or as Hollywood portrays – triple X…

    The important point here is not whether the discourses used to construct GENERATION X are referentially adequate. Such a task is impossible, as one of the key features of GENERATION X as simulacra is the blurring of distinctions between truth and falsehood and reality and the imaginary (Baudrillard 1988 p.168)

    GENERATION X’s tactical and strategic power derives from the same source. It is homogenized in the very face of diversity to produce a classless youth culture, where socio-economic, racial, geographical, gender and sexual differences seem to go on holiday )Mungham & Pearson 1976, p.3).

    Welcome to the REAL WORLD* of our young people!!!

  4. So True! Georgie – And THAT is the MAIN reason why we, as a society, are yeilding downstream to a vagabond culture. Externalities and results are impressed upon, applauded and vaunted, and any reference to foundational Biblical instruction is deeply resented. God is left out of the picture, ignored or forgotten. Sadly, we are only reaping the bitter consequences. Thanks.

  5. @GP
    “I have noticed that children from Godly homes where the Bible is taught and respected GENERALLY behave well, and their parents have no problem getting them to behave…”

    That is because the principle of “train up a child in the way it should go is crucial….”

    I have a 27 year old daughter who is currently in Holland on holiday who still lives at home and who has maintained her purity and her moral integrity…

    OK…she’s amongst a very tiny group of young women who observe abstinence until marriage but it is something that is based on her own individual “moral compass”… it has very little to do with her MOM* or I….At least that is our conviction, maybe we are wrong on that note!!!

    On the other hand, my other daughter – 4 years younger than her sister is already a parent and she is not married, neither is she with her son’s dad…

    So virtually 2 extreme examples – “chalk & cheese”…

    If you could call it – we would all have to numbers to tonight’s lottery if that is your forte….

    I totally agree with GP…the lost of sound, religious principle is by far the liberal albatross which now hangs precariously around the necks of too many Bajan families (given our history & culture)…

    May God help us to find our way back to Bethel!!!

  6. Perhaps the indiscipline can be blamed on the “Indians”. After all, this blog is on record as having published this opinion:

    “This country must be rid of all Indians, those from India, Pakistan, Guyana & Trinidad … The time might not be that far away where A BLACK BARBADIAN HITLER MIGHT BE NEEDED IN BARBADOS.”

    That’s from Mr. Negroman.


  7. It will get worse. Parents don’t discipline them, teachers can’t discipline them, lawyers benefit from their indiscipline so it is time for the mortician to make some money. My condolences go out to his family. As a parent and a great grand-parent, I feel their pain. May he rest in peace.

  8. Dr.Porgie,
    Most of the time not all the time. Some grow up in religious homes, go to church every day including thrice on Sundays and still ‘turn-out’ bad to the core. Wonder why.

    Terence MB,
    My dew-drop, I’m still here but like to take a break sometimes so as to not become stagnant. You may not see my comments but I’m as present as the sunlight, so don’t you go getting ‘fresh’ with any other. I does ‘lick’ my mens. So you have 2 grown daughtas? I have 2 grown sons and just like you, they’re like chalk n’ cheese.
    As we speak, that lil youngster is being laid to rest. So sad.
    A lot of the times the parents are to blame for their children’s wayward ways. In this case, the parents are to blame. My sons went to school too but noone dared ‘bully’ them because Bonny would go ‘off’ pun somebody. I mean it. And they better not ‘bully’ my lil grans either because again, Bonny would go ‘off’. I don’t plan to complain to no f*^king parents of these wayward criminals who are terrorising innocent school children. Bonny could n would go to JAIL n sit it outtttttttttttttttttttttttt. I real serioussssssssssssssssss.

    See my grans and doan f*^king well see dem ya. Or a boy gun get hurt real bad.

    You keep sweet until, my pancake syrup, mwahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

  9. Warning:
    spanking is bullying
    and distressing to the development of
    sensitive children
    and can be dangerous
    if acted out when angry

  10. Surprise, surprise, surprise, children behave well if the parents behave well.

    Children behave well if parents consistently correct BAD behaviour.

    Children behave well if parents TEACH them right from WRONG.

    The most important job of any parent is to teach a child right from wrong. But too many of us parents frequently choose to do the wrong things, and then we seem surprised that our children choose to do wrong also.

    And too many of us parents become offended when our children’s BAD behaviour is reported to us.

    But truthfully how many of us parents can say that we lead by shining example?

    Note that the father of the dead child complained to the mother of one of the bullies, and note the father has reported that she was silent in the face of his distress. She expressed no anger, no disappointment, no shame, no sorrow, no outrage that her son was hurting a smaller child. How then was her son supposed to know that he was doing wrong if his OWN MOTHER was silent in the face of his wrong doing?

    And where are the FATHERS of the bullies?

    Did not the fathers of the bullies hear that their sons were doing wrong?

    Did not the fathers of the bullies see that their sons were doing wrong?

    Too many of our fathers beget children and then seem to think that somebody else will raise them.

    I have some news for you fake dads.

    If you don’t love your children enough to raise them, NOBODY else will.

    They are flesh of your flesh (you remember the pleasure that you gained on the day that you begat them don’t you?) they are the blood of your blood. If you can’t or won’t love them NOBODY else will.

    And when they are adults if the state chooses, the state will imprison them and if the state chooses the state will execute them.

    The choice is yours.

    You had the fun.

    Now do the work.

  11. kiki // September 29, 2009 at 5:15 PM

    spanking is bullying
    and distressing to the development of
    sensitive children
    and can be dangerous
    if acted out when angry
    Are you mad???!!!!!!

  12. @ David

    Bush Tea is a bit surprised that no one as commented on the bogus study purporting that “Children Who Get Spanked Have Lower IQs”

    What total rot.

    It is not much more likely that children with lower IQs naturally tend to be spanked more often that those of higher IQ?
    …another case of some educated idiot wasting our time with bogus academic filth.

    If children are not disciplined while young, they will have to be disciplined with much more stringent means when older.

    …how anyone could listen to Americans talk about discipline is beyond BT.
    They don’t spank children, but they have an astounding percentage of their adult population in prison, awaiting execution, or lost to drugs….
    …..and we listen to THEM!!!

    • So far what we have found is Murray Straus’ website which appears at a glance to contain some impressive research. Perhaps Dr. Porgie given his knowledge of the US academic setup can have a look.

  13. Fight Fire with fire. Very often when you stand up to these bullies they will back down,especially if they are challenged when alone. I recalled as a young lad , 12 or so I used to visit a cousin on Saturdays,and this guy, a real village bully used to try to intimidate me,that is until one day I loose two big rocks at him. Never again did he mess with me.

  14. Dear Terrance Blackett:

    I am not sure why your adult daughters are discussing their virginity or lack of it with their daddy.

    There are certain questions parents should NEVER ask their ADULT sons and daughters.

    My position is if you are not the lover/spouse or doctor. Do NOT ask. And certainly do NOT tell.

    I think that those conversations must be icky beyond words.


    • Any good/effective parent SHOULD know if their children are sexually active. If you are under adult age such conversations provide the opportunity for required discourse between parent and offspring.

      If the offspring is of adult age, while it is not mandatory, such discussions indicate a wholesome relationship between parent and offspring. If the young adults are living under the roof of the parent all the more reason they should have/inculcate such a relationship.

      The perfect relationship would be when your 16 year old daughter whispers to mummy or daddy she received her first kiss the night before!

  15. Kiki,
    A load of shiteeeeeeee, as usual.

    You don’t know what kind of relationship Terence MB has with his daughters, so please stop assuming that you do. It is good to know that some parents are liberal about discussing sex with their children. I don’t with mine but if I do, whose business is it? He is not their lover or doctor but you know what, he is their FATHERRRRRRRR.

    You just want them to leave when they get bigger n stronger?
    Ya mek ma cry. Ya hilarious, as usual.

    Bush Tea,
    Mawnin, my hunny-dew-melon.

  16. David and Terrence and Bonny Peppa I beg to disagree.

    Sex is an adult activity. And the fewer people who are involved the better. The ideal number for the activity and the before and after discussion is 2.

    I would have been terribly embarrassed if my parents discussed their sex life with me (and they were married for more than 60 years, so yes I suppose that they had a sex life)

    I’ve NEVER discussed my sex life with my children and I NEVER will.

    I beg my minor children to be abstinent (and so far they have been) so there are no details to discuss.

    I beg my adult sons and daughters to PLEASE keep me OUT of their sex lives.

    When it comes to sex, 3 is a crowd.

    Those are my views. They have worked well for me and my family.

    I am sticking to them.

  17. @J
    “I am not sure why your adult daughters are discussing their virginity or lack of it with their daddy…”

    Hey J as a “traditionalist” coming from strict BAJAN roots – conversations between fathers and daughters still remain in the “eeeeeeeeeeeeew” domain you so aptly describe…

    An although I consider myself a “Progressive Liberal” – I however maintain my entrenched family, moral & spiritual values…

    The discussion surrounding my grown daughters will generally occur as “pillow talk” between my beloved wife and I, when she deems it necessary to seek my advice on matter pertaining to our children (though grown LADIES)*… Something a lot of our ladies should adopt as an abiding principle instead of “hiding” as is our culture as Barbadians…

    Thank you for condescending to men of lower estate…


    Thank u darlin’ for your protestations with J as u ring-fence my character from subliminal assassination…

    I live in a country where pedophilia is RIFE*… I am sure the same thing happens in Barbados ( maybe that should be the target of our next thread on BU)…However, as I was saying, the younger the child the better it seems to these bastards who frankly need their ding, dings hacked off (sorry a bit vigilanty (ish)…

    The situation in so-called Western countries is damnable where cyberspace has become the closet where these vermin lurk masquerading as sheep in wolves clothing – waiting for any opportunity to violate and rip the innocence from our young people…

    KIKI* posted a link from an article in the British SUN news[paper] entitled:

    “Bracelet Which Means Your Child Is Having SEX…”

    Britain has a looming CRISIS* on its hands ( maybe Bimbro can weigh in here) but unless government, civic & religious leaders weigh in proactively, the menace of teenage pregnancy will keep spiraling out of control, teenage sexually transmitted disease will get worst and the increasing incidences of suicide will continue to peak as hopelessness and disillusionment eat away at an already beleaguered group…

    When 14 year olds are having babies something is deadly wrong in our society…. When 8 year old are “SHAGGING” (excuse my French) we have hit rock bottom….

    Question is????????????????????????

    Where are the bloody parents!!!!!!!!!!!

  19. @ J
    “Sex is an adult activity…”

    You could not be more CORRECT!!!

    However, the reality on the ground is that these “kids” are having “SEX” like rabbits…

    How do we handle that? How do we inspire our set of values on a horse (a stallion at that) which has already bolted out the stables?

    I don’t know about you J but I have a 3 year old grandson and I intend to read the “RIOT” Act to that little bugger…

    It’s much more than “EDUCATION”…
    look where education has got us – a bunch of educated jackasses who can’t even decide on what’s for lunch and if you took them to Banks Breweries – they couldn’t even have a proper “PISS-UP”!!!

    It’s about “INSPIRATION”…How do we inspire these guys to be mature about their sexuality and to be wise in the decisions they make – at the same time, show them the consequences of promiscuity and bad sexual choices…

    I bet you could pull up some pretty lurid, graphic medical consequences of bad choices right on your computer without having to put foot in the library and pick up a medical book…

    So don’t tell me that the tired, old methodologies are going to work anymore with these disgusting, couldn’t give a “toss” and prone to self-destructive behaviour Cretans…

    Tough LOVE J* is the name of the game!!!

  20. Wright B.Astard // September 29, 2009 at 11:54 PM

    Fight Fire with fire. Very often when you stand up to these bullies they will back down,especially if they are challenged when alone. I recalled as a young lad , 12 or so I used to visit a cousin on Saturdays,and this guy, a real village bully used to try to intimidate me,that is until one day I loose two big rocks at him. Never again did he mess with me.
    Ditto, Bullies have been around for a very long time. However, I am surprise at the Father’s approach to this situation. I am very sure that no one would have bullied my child, and my attempts to resolve the issue did not include direct confrontation with the source.

    A society of laws and no morals, results in victims, both real and invented.

    Never will I willingly give in to victimhood.

  21. I used to watch Dr. Phil but then I got tired of his stance towards spanking. There were parents on the show who were afraid of their 8 and 9 year old children. One boy, 9 years old, was attacking his grandmother with a baseball bat, and the parents didn’t know what to do about. Dr. Phil told the m under NO circumstances should a child be spanked. He would prefer to counsel the child.

    God says that foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child, but a swift rod soon drives it out. God is who fashioned the human race, and is therefore the best authority. We have to understand that a child is not designed to be reasonable, rational or even sensible, and hence, what may work for an adult cannot work for a child. Yes, talking to children has its place, but there are some situations where you HAVE to punish your child forcibly, whether it be spanking or grounding, because explaining rationales is only effective if the recipient of the explanation is rational. It may sound harsh, but children are designed to function in foolishness instead of reason.

    The last thing I will say is this. There are many things which were explained to me as a child which I only NOW understand. I tried to understand at the time where my parents were coming from but just could not. It only made sense when I grew up. I thank God for the lashes I received during the period when I could not comprehend the logic, for I comprehended the lashes and they yielded the same corrective effect on the behaviour as the logic was intended to.

  22. We need to understand that there is no simple soultion to rearing children. Punishment and dsicipline are no longer as simple as a good cut arse.

    We are faced with the following
    1. Young Parents
    2. Very Busy ‘Parents’
    3. Selfish Parents who have childern for show
    4. Loss of the extended family
    5. Loss of the Village and the village mentality
    6. Children with many NEGATIVE distractions
    7. Multiculturalism ( unfortunately the negative aspects pay a hevay toll on child rearing)
    8. Lack of money in the SYSTEM hence
    not enough teachers/facilities/time for special needs children …including children who have no parental guidance.
    9. Champagne dreams and mauby budgets across the board!
    10. Backward thinking
    11. Reactive rather than procative mindset as it relates to children and the development of this country.
    and the list will go on…

    Bullying has become pandemic with horrible results . The authorities /teachers/parents/society etc somehow either felt Barbados would be immune or that they would deal with it when it ‘happened.’ Very typical.

    The solution is multifacted and includes input from the following institutions : education, social work, the police and the community.

    We need to come together on the problems facing our youth. I maintian IT TAKES A VILLAGE TO RAISE A CHILD!

  23. Adrian,
    Yes, but while it takes a village to raise a child, you know that these so-called foolish ass parents don’t want a boy to ‘correct’ their precious gems? So what do we do?

    There’s nothing wrong with children discussing their sex life with their parents. Actually, I think it is healthy discussion. They’re not partaking in the act with their offspring so I don’t see where you come up with the idea that 3’s a crowd. Doesn’t apply here at all. I personally don’t discuss it with mine but me and their father have been openly affectionate for them to see. That is,just a lil pecking now n then. No deep throat kissing or fondling but affectionate. Is that wrong too? Terrence MB is a proppa faddah man. I could just imagine how his family loves him. I don’t know him personally and I love him too. (he tu swoiteeeeeeeeee)

    You don’t know that Dr.Phil is a real khunt? He makes me so sick with his shite-ass rhetoric. Pathetic dick-head. I could never live in the States because I beat my boys bad as shite when they get ‘outta’ hand. And no, they’re not criminals. Far from. Their line of work includes upholding n maintaining the law.
    A good cut-ass nevva kill a boy yet.

  24. J,
    “I beg my minor children to be abstinent’ (and so far they have been)

    Abstinent from what? Not sex? Then aren’t you discussing their sex life with them? You amaze me at times with your logic ya know J? Amazing but true.

    Another thing, don’t swear for them because you might be in for a rude awakening one good day. They might be very well ‘active’ unbeknownst to you. Next ting ya know, O Lawd, poor J, is a gran-ma. Doan swear fa dem girl, tek my foolish advice. Dem smart as shite when dah ready.

  25. Britain has a looming CRISIS* on its hands ( maybe Bimbro can weigh in here)


    Terence, Britain’s a sh*t- country, where law and order’s concerned, thanks to manby-panby policies by leftie, softie- politicians only too keen to placate the pervs, deviants and do-gooders on every side, rather like, I fear, Bim has already become or is on its way to becoming.

  26. @ BIMBRO
    “Britain’s a sh*t- country, where law and order’s concerned, thanks to manby-panby policies by leftie, softie- politicians only too keen to placate the pervs, deviants and do-gooders on every side, rather like, I fear, Bim has already become or is on its way to becoming…”

    Thanks for weighing in BIG BRUV***

    I know if anyone would put it succinctly and in perspective it would be you…

    It sounds better coming from you anyway…

    Good to see u back BRUV*….

    “I could just imagine how his family loves him. I don’t know him personally and I love him too…”

    Thank u Sweet Pea – that is so LOVELY* of you to say that –

    Look BABE* – I had to grow up in Barbados without my parents as they were off in the UK trying to give us the best life possible in BIM* but I suffered as a result of not having my parents…

    I knew I was loved by my extended family (Grandparents on both sides of the family tree) and YES* I was blessed to have been brought up with STRICT* religious and moral values but I was absolutely determined when I had my own kids that I would do whatever was necessary to be intricately a part of their lives (through thick or thin).

    So TODAY*, I am still playing the role of dear ole’ Dad in the lives of 20 something year olds because I didn’t have it myself….

    I know they think I am dominant personality (being an ALPHA* Male) but they also know that I have always had the heart of a servant in every sense of the word… And so, I have always got the love and respect form them including their mother who after 30 years is still my school days Sweetheart… So I know that I am blessed and highly favored….

    So BONNY* darlin’ – what u sacrifice is the dividends you get back…

    Plain & simple!!!

  27. Bimbro,
    Mawning, my sweet-peppa. I got sum ‘licks’ fa you bumba-clawt. How come you ain’ ‘shout-up’ me? Ga long, ya ring-neck-vagabon. Kissssssssssssss

    Bonny in went na way. I did hay all de time. Just like ta tek a break sumtimes. Can’t comment ’bout evryting ya kno. I in na x-pert like you.
    You seem obsessed wid Bonny for whatevva reason, I’d like ta kno. Are you Fe or Male? I ask ya so areddy.

    Mawnin MashUp.

  28. Terence MB
    I haven’t known you for 30yrs. but I have 30yrs worth of love n respect for you. You’re a good fella. Kudosssssss.
    Another thing, our children will always be ‘our’ children regardless of their age. So we always have their best interest at heart even though they might make a few bad decisions at times. It’s not a perfect world. We ourselves are guilty of making bad decisions at times too.
    Anyway, I only sorry dat I din go to school wid you too cause today I would be de school days ‘Tweethart’ too.

  29. Mawnin Bonny my sunshine.

    Ignore the egg head kissmia and dem jokers yuh hear.

    Bonny yuh should see the new dress rhianna is pictured wearing.

    Bimbro will be sallivating if he check it in the UK Daily mail.

    The ‘good’ girl really gone bad,everything at the door.Wuhloss.

  30. Hi Bonny, I won’t be submitting many posts from here on! Changing times and altering circumstances. However, will chip-in from time to time!! ‘Thanks’ for not accepting my invitation to the party!!

    Mash up, it’s ok bro/sis! Please leave Ri and myself alone. Our relationship is a private one and I plan to keep it that way, from now on!


  31. Thanks to deluded and cock-eyed politicians, the prevailing attitude in Britain suggests that within ten years, homosexuality and lesbianism will be the norm and heterosexuality the abnormal. Consequently, I looking for a place to emigrate to!!

  32. Although I agree with Dan in terms of mimicking the Western culture, I would like to add we should not ignore some of the childhood research done in other parts of the world. What many parents have applied in rearing our children, not only in Bim, are basically inbred learnt behaviors – repeating what we have heard, seen and done; thinking it is the most effective way because we were able to walk the straight and narrow even until old age. That doesn’t mean that the forms of punishment used then were right or wrong, and that such techniques are appropriate.

    Even though I was spanked, beaten by my mother, (my father never put his hand on me), then and now, I still believe there are many different ways to punish a child without the use of corporal punishment. (At this age, I would love to know why people felt that attempting to “put the fear of God” in children was the solution.) When I look back at the mostly used form of punishment meted out by many parents in my generation moons ago, I am up to this day a strong believer that spanking, beating, slapping, and whatever we want to call it is not the answer in disciplining children. In my broughtupsy, there were children that were punished unmercifully; not withstanding the frequent punishment they endured, yet some of them grew up to be tyrants. While on the other hand, there were children who never got a whipping; they were yelled at and would get a stern look/poker face if they did something considered to be wrong; some of them grew up to be model citizens and yet they were others who did not.

    My point is, children have a mind of their own and their own logic; regardless of the whippings, floggings, yellings, etc., and even though some children’s habits are learnt behaviors, those kinds of discipline do not always mean that when a child gets older it will not depart from some of its broughtupsy. As children grow older they will eventually do what they please. IMO, a parent can have well behaved children by being firm/strict and without ever having to use corporal punishment or raising his/her hand.

  33. sapadillo
    I still believe that spanking, beating, slapping is the most effective deterrent for children when they misbehave. But you know what? It is up to the individual parent. Different strokes for different folks.
    I was told by a mother once that when she lashes her daughter, it hurts her more than the child. That is the problem with a lot of them today. Can’t bear to ‘hurt’ their lil ‘gems’. Gimme a break do.

  34. Quoting Mr. Bonny Peppa, an eternal fount of wisdom and wit (yawn):

    “I still believe that spanking, beating, slapping is the most effective deterrent for children when they misbehave.”

    Is there any reason why adults should be excluded from your agenda?

  35. Mr. Bowman,
    Why you yawninnnnnnn? You hungry?
    Anyway, I lash children but ‘lick’ my adults.
    You want a lickin from me or wah?
    Now leff ma.

  36. i spanked my little one about two weeks ago. i think her IQ remains intact. we shall see if she makes it to QC….. will keep u informed: i quite think that a mixture of reasoned discussion combined with some rod, have done a good job… time will tell…

  37. Thought I’d add a little humor to this post…

    To all those who survived 1930’s, 40’s, 50’s, 60’s and 70’s!!

    First, we survived being born to mothers who smoked and/or drank while they were pregnant, and lived in houses made of asbestos. They took aspirin, ate blue cheese dressing, raw egg products, loads of bacon and processed meat, tuna from a can and didn’t get tested for diabetes.

    Then after that trauma, we were put to sleep on our tummies in baby cribs covered with bright colored lead-base paints.

    We had no childproof lids on medicine bottles, locks on doors or cabinets and when we rode our bikes, we had no helmets on our heads.

    As infants & children, we would ride in cars with no car seats, no booster seats, no seat belts, no air bags, bald tires and sometimes no brakes.

    Riding in the back of a pick-up truck on a warm day was always a special treat.

    We drank water from the garden hose and not from a bottle.

    We shared one soft drink with four friends, from one bottle and NO ONE actually died from this.

    We ate cupcakes, white bread, real butter and bacon. We drank Kool-Aid made with real white sugar. And, we weren’t overweight. WHY? Because we were always outside playing…that’s why!

    We would leave home in the morning and play all day, as long as we were back when the streetlights came on.

    No one was able to reach us all day. And, we were O.K.

    We could collect old bottles and cash them in at the corner store and buy Toffees, Bubble Gum and Sweeties.

    We would spend hours building our go-carts out of prams & scraps and then ride them down the hill; only to find out we forgot the brakes. After running into the bushes a few times, we learned to solve the problem.

    We did not have Play stations, Nintendo’s and X-boxes. There were no video games, no 150 channels on cable, no video movies or DVD’s, no surround-sound or CD’s, no cell phones, no personal computers, no Internet and no chat rooms.
    WE HAD FRIENDS and we went outside and found them!

    We fell out of trees, got cut, broke bones and teeth and there were no lawsuits from these accidents.

    We ate worms and mud pies made from dirt, and the worms did not live in us forever.

    We made up games with sticks and balls and, although we were told it would happen, we did not put out very many eyes.

    We rode bikes or walked to a friend’s house and knocked on the door or rang the bell, or just walked in and talked to them.

    You could only buy Hot Cross Buns at Easter time…

    Football and cricket had tryouts and not everyone made the team. Those who didn’t had to learn to deal with disappointment. Imagine that!!

    Our teachers used to hit us with canes and rulers and bully’s always ruled the playground at school.

    The idea of a parent bailing us out if we broke the law was unheard of. They actually sided with the law!

    These generations have produced some of the best risk-takers, problem solvers and inventors ever…

    The past 50 years have been an explosion of innovation and new ideas.

    We had freedom, failure, success and responsibility, and we learned how to deal with it all.

    If YOU are one of them…

    You might want to share this with others who have had the luck to grow up as kids.

    While you are at it, forward it to your children so they will know how brave and lucky their parents were.

  38. @ Sapidillo


    Thank you so much for an emotional, yet hilarious walk down memory lane…

    I would be remiss if I did not ask for your permission to cite these words in one of my current manuscripts but in order to use the citation – you have to sign off giving me literary permission to use them…

    Please email me@

    Thanks and God bless!!!


  39. Sapadillo
    Simply awsome.
    But you forgot to mention the ‘lick’ that we got like peas with any and everything in sight.

    And we survived.

    Terence MB
    Hi my sucre-drop.

    low battery
    Dah badddddddddd. Luv um. I’ll stay tuned.

  40. Terence, I am not the copyright holder. I forgot to add “author unknown;” it was not intentional.

    Apparently this piece has been circulating around the net. I rec’d via email from 2 of my friends. One was titled, “To those born 1930 to 1979” and the other was titled, “We wuz brung up proper!”

    I don’t think there will be a problem using it. However, you may want to put in a statement that invites readers to identify the author so that you can attribute the writing to the proper person.

    Good luck.

  41. Could the discussion get back to the need for those who born children and those who supplied the sperm to get their ar**es active in the PTAs in light of the stabbing inflicted on the 13 year old at the Parkinson school?

    Good post J.

    • The PTA is just that – an abbreviation. Do you know many teachers and headmistresses/masters at the school are aware of this bullying? We have to assume that by extension the Ministry and the PTAs (if they are any active) would have been aware. Even as we write this comment, we understand the children involved in the recent bullying which led to the death of an 11 year old are out on $3000 bail. Here was a good opportunity to send their asses to Dodds.

      PTAs operate at the behest of the heads of the schools. Any PTA which becomes too militant and agitate too much will find they become alienated by the head of the school rendering it ineffective. The purpose of PTAs in our school system, sadly so, is to raise funds for the school. A role many, if not all, of them play meekly. We intend to post a blog in the coming week if a more knowledgeable BU family doesn’t beat us to it.

      Come on BU family! We know many of the prominent people in Barbados read the blogs and that includes leaders in government; let us expose the issues. Many of you read and play selfish with your thoughts. In the meantime our children are being buried.

  42. KissMya,
    Wuhloss, wuhloss, ya like a ‘acid-bomb’.
    You mek Bonny look like a ‘saint’ man.

  43. Sapadillo, this is great. May I add: learning to swim and dive in the sea without a paid instructor, climbed trees to pick fruit or knocked them down with a stick or a rock. Picked up fruit from the ground & ate them just like that, made and flew kites all day long at Eastertime.. Thanks for posting.

  44. I rec’d the following in an email.

    Two Choices:
    What would you do?….you make the choice. Don’t look for a punch line, there isn’t one. Read it anyway.

    My question is: Would you have made the same choice?

    At a fundraising dinner for a school that serves children with learning disabilities, the father of one of the students delivered a speech that would never be forgotten by all who attended.

    After extolling the school and its dedicated staff, he offered a question:

    “When not interfered with by outside influences, everything nature does, is done with perfection. Yet my son, Shay, cannot learn things as other children do. He cannot understand things as other children do.
    Where is the natural order of things in my son?”

    The audience was stilled by the query.
    The father continued. “I believe that when a child like Shay, who was mentally and physically disabled comes into the world, an opportunity to realize true human nature presents itself, and it comes in the way other people treat that child.”

    Then he told the following story:
    Shay and I had walked past a park where some boys Shay knew were playing baseball. Shay asked, “Do you think they’ll let me play?” I knew that most of the boys would not want someone like Shay on their team, but as a father I also understood that if my son were allowed to play, it would give him a much-needed sense of belonging and some confidence to be accepted by others in spite of his handicaps.
    I approached one of the boys on the field and asked (not expecting much) if Shay could play. The boy looked around for guidance and said, “We’re losing by six runs and the game is in the eighth inning. I guess he can be on our team and we’ll try to put him to bat in the ninth inning.”

    Shay struggled over to the team’s bench and, with a broad smile, put on a team shirt. I watched with a small tear in my eye and warmth in my heart. The boys saw my joy at my son being accepted.
    In the bottom of the eighth inning, Shay’s team scored a few runs but was still behind by three.
    In the top of the ninth inning, Shay put on a glove and played in the right field. Even though no hits came his way, he was obviously ecstatic just to be in the game and on the field, grinning from ear to ear as I waved to him from the stands.
    In the bottom of the ninth inning, Shay’s team scored again.
    Now, with two outs and the bases loaded, the potential winning run was on base and Shay was scheduled to be next at bat.
    At this juncture, do they let Shay bat and give away their chance to win the game? Surprisingly, Shay was given the bat. Everyone knew that a hit was all but impossible because Shay didn’t even know how to hold the bat properly, much less connect with the ball. However, as Shay stepped up to the plate, the pitcher, recognizing that the other team was putting winning aside for this moment in Shay’s life, moved in a few steps to lob the ball in softly so Shay could at least make contact.

    The first pitch came and Shay swung clumsily and missed. The pitcher again took a few steps forward to toss the ball softly towards Shay. As the pitch came in, Shay swung at the ball and hit a slow ground ball right back to the pitcher. The game would now be over.

    The pitcher picked up the soft grounder and could have easily thrown the ball to the first baseman. Shay would have been out and that would have been the end of the game. Instead, the pitcher threw the ball right over the first baseman’s head, out of reach of all team mates. Everyone from the stands and both teams started yelling, “Shay, run to first! Run to first!”

    Never in his life had Shay ever run that far, but he made it to first base. He scampered down the baseline, wide-eyed and startled. Everyone yelled, “Run to second, run to second!”
    Catching his breath, Shay awkwardly ran towards second, gleaming and struggling to make it to the base. By the time Shay rounded towards second base, the right fielder had the ball. The smallest guy on their team who now had his first chance to be the hero for his team. He could have thrown the ball to the second-baseman for the tag, but he understood the pitcher’s intentions so he,too, intentionally threw the ball high and far over the third-baseman’s head. Shay ran toward third base deliriously as the runners ahead of him circled the bases toward home. All were screaming, “‘Shay, Shay, Shay, all the Way Shay”
    Shay reached third base because the opposing shortstop ran to help him by turning him in the direction of third base, and shouted, “Run to third! Shay, run to third!” As Shay rounded third, the boys from both teams, and the spectators, were on their feet screaming, “Shay, run home! Run home!” Shay ran to home, stepped on the plate, and was cheered as the hero who hit the grand slam and won the game for his team.

    “That day”, said the father softly with tears now rolling down his face, “the boys from both teams helped bring a piece of true love and humanity into this world”

    Shay didn’t make it to another Summer. He died that Winter, having never forgotten being the hero and making me so happy, and coming home and seeing his Mother tearfully embrace her little hero of the day!


    We all send thousands of jokes through the e-mail without a second thought, but when it comes to sending messages about life choices, people hesitate.

    The crude, vulgar, and often obscene pass freely through cyberspace, but public discussion about decency is too often suppressed in our schools and workplaces.

    We all can make a difference. We all have thousands of opportunities every single day to help realize the natural order of things. So many seemingly trivial interactions between two people present us with a choice:
    Do we pass along a little spark of love and humanity or do we pass up those opportunities and leave the world a little bit colder in the process?

    A wise man once said every society is judged by how it treats it’s least fortunate amongst them.

  45. Sapadillo
    A real tear-jerker.
    There’s a bit of Shay in each of us. No one’s perfect.
    The golden rule still prevails:
    “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you”.

    Sweet dreams.
    Saw you on my TV tonite and went crazyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy.

    “If the boy only knew,
    What the girl must go through,
    When the girl falls in luv with the boy……………………………………..

  46. really i feel kinda sorry for the parents of today all thenew technolgy has made it hard to keep a handle on their childrenand a lot of the garbage that is filtered through it. It ain’t easy when you have so many things to manage ones life.the parents tell the children one thing and technology tell another.eventually the parents giveinand the children have their way.iam glad i don’t have to raise children today too much for me to handle.

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