Tag Archives: Men

Why the Silence from MESA and MENS?

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Submitted by Kammie Holder, Social Commentator

With the ongoing Constitution Review Commission meetings going on why are these two groups not saying anything on behalf of fathers?

I would hate to believe that these groups are intimidated into silence by the very strong vocally active women movement in Barbados. 

Again, I posit that men are the greatest traitors to themselves and it seems women are always the ones to save men from their own destruction. Perhaps, just another complex paradox of manhood in Barbados.

See below:

THE BELOW IS MY SUBMISSION TO THE CONSTITUTION REVIEW COMMISSION

1) Support In Kind should be added to the Maintenance Act

Reason: Its Barbaric for an unemployed parent to be stigmatised as criminal due to falling in contempt of a Court Ordered Maintenance Order. 

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Difficult Conversations – Ding-Dong

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There are several phases of marriage for men. The first is the wonderful honeymoon phase. A happy time. Then follows the woeful transition into ding-dong territory, where friction and tension become common-place as two people try to become one.

I am currently in the ding-dong avoidance phase. That is where men do everything reasonably possible to avoid ding-dong. Men should try to get out of ding-dong as soon as possible in their marriages. Once out, they should plan never to return.

PUT YOUR FOOT DOWN.

All men must put their ‘foot down’ during their marriages. It is an important part of being a responsible man. During such times, a man must ensure that his foot is firmly placed on stable ground – and then keep moving because his wife has already given her orders. That is the way of ding-dong avoidance.

Men in ding-dong will plant their feet and escalate an argument. Like all men who have travelled that way before, they too will learn that they cannot argue their way out of ding-dong. Instead, they must learn how to negotiate more effectively.

LIFE COACH.

One of a wife’s primary responsibilities is to be a life coach – to help men be better. In sports, a coach pushes athletes to their limits – that is the normal way of improvement. We do not like to be pushed to our limits, and initially, we may: resist, make excuses, procrastinate, and postpone our training. But the sooner we accept that the training is critical to improving our competitiveness, and decide to submit to the training, the sooner we may improve.

Once we accept the training, we do not accuse the coach of nagging us. We do not get angry, short-tempered, or argue with the coach. We certainly do not curse or strike the coach. We simply say, ‘yes coach’, and do as instructed. After months of intense training, results are normally noticeable.

FRUSTRATING TRAINING.

When performing their important coaching responsibilities, our wives are supposed to push us to our limits – so that we may improve. Initially, we tend to resist that training. That transition period is natural and challenging – and it is supposed to be temporary. The duration of that temporary period is normally up to the man.

Coaching tends to be frustrated for three common reasons. (i) Men do not know that they are being trained, and spend their marriages in ding-dong. (ii) Men do not know that they are being trained, and abuse their wives into submission – so they stop coaching. (iii) Unfaithfulness – coaching another man, or being coached by another woman.

THE NEXT PHASE.

As men submit to their training, they may notice that they are becoming more: patient, kind, tolerant, competent, hopeful, forgiving, confident, temperate, and responsible. What is the purpose of it all? It is not entirely clear now, but after this life, there is an eternity where all this training will make perfect sense.

The scriptures explain that after our training, there will be no more pain or sorrow. Those who do not want such an afterlife may reserve for themselves an eternity of ding-dong, characterised by weeping and gnashing of teeth. With our free-will, we choose our final destination. But it is advisable to go through ding-dong once, and having done so, never return to it in this life – or the next.

Grenville Phillips II is a Chartered Structural Engineer. He can be reached at NextParty246@gmail.com

Jailing Good Men for Not Paying Child Support is Wrong

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The Hon.Guy Joseph, Ag. Prime Minister of St.Lucia at the time made public an interesting view pertaining to the incarceration of good men for not paying child support. He explained the faulty economics made worse by the stigma that is then tagged to the men by an unforgiving society having acquired the reputation as a jailbird. The father becomes a social misfit as a result of being locked out from the society and the child NEVER gets the support the system should promote as a priority.

Watch the short clip to learn about his proposal about how he proposes for his government to help men.

 

Men From Mars, Women From Venus

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Author’s name withheld – BU

When last you heard a male friend expressing his total disgust, in a member of the opposite sex, unable to understand why females thinks and acts the way they do.

I just returned from a visit to a friend who is a lawyer. While there I asked him why is it that members of the legal fraternity are seemingly more and more being bought before the Courts on money matters. He sharing jovially a matter of how he was wrongfully accused by a female, who believed he (the lawyer) was holding up funds, she believed was presented by her espoused husband in transit to her. She went as far as involving the police and even taking my friend to the disciplinary committee. As he explained, no moneys had passed his office but the husband in an effort to tease her left messages for her to think otherwise.

Why do we men and women always seem to be at each other? There are a whole lot of other examples of these differences I am sure.  You out there ponder even wonder as to why … here take a look at what the experts believe…

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Housework By Men Leads To Good Sex!

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Submitted by islandgal246

Image courtesy: ©2009 Jupiterimages

A 2003 study by Scott Coltrane, a sociology professor at the University of California, Riverside, linked fathers’ housework to more feelings of warmth and affection in their wives. And a survey of 288 husbands, reported in Neil Chethik’s 2006 book “VoiceMale,” linked a wife’s satisfaction with the division of household duties with her husband’s satisfaction with their sex life.

One husband, Mr. Chethik says in an interview, reported that his wife enjoyed flowers or a candlelit dinner out; but “if he wants to be sure of a romantic evening, he goes for the vacuum cleaner.”

Other research supports the “work hard, play hard” thesis. Janet Hyde, a professor of psychology and women’s studies at the University of Wisconsin, Madison, has found that it doesn’t lead to less intimacy in marriage when wives hold paid jobs.

“Some people are high-energy people, and others are not very high-energy,” she says. Those who like juggling a lot of roles are often energized by the process, she says. “Work hard, play hard” may not work for everybody, but there is certainly a group for whom it does work.”

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The Origin of Life: Can Theories Like Abiogenesis, Exogenesis, Quantum Mechanics & Stellar Nucleosynthesis Help In The Debate Between Creationism And Evolutionary Science?

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Submitted by Terence Blackett

Charles Darwin

“In the beginning God created the heaven and the earth – Gen. 1:1

Who holds the “patent” on the things we see all around us in nature? How do we explain that it takes an estimated 100,000 different proteins to construct a human being? Is that the product of accident, chance or randomization – or does it spell Intelligent Design? For many, the origin of how life emerged remains one of the great unsolved mysteries and conundrums for both ancient and modern science.

It is recognized that the subject of this current piece is beyond the gamut of unlimited word count to do it any serious scholarship – however as this is a galvanizing issue and feelings run deep on both sides of the divide, we will attempt to do some form of interim justice given our lack of brevity. For although questions regarding the genesis of life remain a talking-point even within the realm of philosophy – religion (understandably) dominates this platform; yet science continues to hold its own in keeping the debate alive.

So how can concepts like ‘abiogenesis’, ‘exogenesis’, ‘quantum mechanics’ and ‘stellar nucleosynthesis’ assist us in making sense of our primordial quest for understanding?

Let us begin in 1870 where Thomas Huxley opined that “I shall call the…doctrine that living matter may be produced by not living matter, the hypothesis of abiogenesis…” This was a paleoanthropological echo from a not too distant past when Charles Darwin had chained himself to the Tower of Babel in defense that there was no GOD* and in turn hatched a lurid tales of spontaneous regeneration of biological organisms which metamorphosed over billions of years to eventual form all living things including man.

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Female Abuse

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Submitted by Charles S. Cadogan

I would like to touch on a very important subject, which I must confess I too was a part of; female abuse. My parents broke somewhere between the ages of 8 and 10 years old.  My mother after some years separated from my father got into another relationship. This guy was very quick with his hands.  I can remember the first time he hit my mother I cried and wanted to do something really bad to him. On one occasion when they were going at it, I hit him in the back with a plant pot. One thing for sure that got him his attention from my mother.

As the years went on the fights continued but not as frequently.  However I realised I had built up this hate to punish all women for what my mother had to suffer.  I felt if I did the same to other women I got involved with it would be repayment for what my mother had to endure.  When I turned 14 my mother told him he had to go. Guess he thought that he was so tough for all the years he told my mother it wasn’t going to happen. My mother grabbed him by his neck and the back of his pants and threw him out the door along with his clothes;  My mother told him that it was over and she had enough of his mess.

Later on I asked my mother how come all these years why she allowed him to beat her up like he did and never did much of anything to defend herself.  My mother told me, son I always thought that if I did what was in my heart to do to him, I would be in jail. I didn’t want to go to jail not knowing what would happen to you. But now you are everything to me, and all that matters. So I no longer need anyone else in my life.  My mother was in her late forties early fifties and she never got involved with another man.  She died at age 80 GOD rest her soul. I Love my mother with all my heart and she will remain with me for as long as breath remains in my body.

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Men Are Letting Down The Side

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Hartley Henry - DLP Political Strategist

There is an aspect of last Sunday’s presentation of keys to new home owners at Marchfield in St. Philip that impressed as well as depressed me. First, however, permit me a moment to put the observation in perspective.

Two weeks ago I visited the showroom of a car dealership in Warrens, St. Michael. It was one of those days when the urge to see what was new and available simply could not be denied. I was forced to wait about 25 minutes for personalized attention because there were quite a few persons in the display area enquiring about terms and conditions of sale agreements.

I did not recognize many of the faces but there were mostly young men, holding what is culturally referred to as both white and blue collar jobs. It was astounding to hear the price of some vehicles and observe the determination of some of these guys to purchase new sport utility vehicles, in particular, irrespective of the cost.

Some guys were willing to sign on the dotted line there and then and by the time I left the showroom I am certain the Sales Executive with whom I spoke had herself chalked up a minimum of three “relatively safe and secure” sale commitments. I was happy for these young men and admired their tastes and their determination to “move up” in life.

Political animal that I am, I thought to myself ‘well things in the country cannot be that bad if demand for $200 000 vehicles is so high’.

That episode streamed completely out of my mind, until last Sunday while attending the handing over of keys ceremony at the new Marchfield Housing Development. What struck me most as the names of new homeowners were being revealed, was that the vast majority was either single women or pairs of women; perhaps sisters, relatives or mere platonic friends. I cannot recall any new owner being a single male and certainly less than 40 per cent were couples in the traditional sense of a man and a woman.

I do not wish here to personalize the observation to those particular homeowners, but to speak generally now in the context of that barometer reading.

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Angry Black Men: The Psychopathology And Its Perturbations On The Black Family

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Submitted by Terence Blackett

black-man-angryBeginning any controversial piece of literary discourse can be a daunting task. Equally challenging is tackling a taboo subject area which can be exhilarating, as one grapples with the issues that are so pertinent to the thesis you are trying to build – in order that it may have structural integrity. The concept of “Angry Black Men” is a work under construction. It is the title of a book which is currently in manuscript form and will be due out for publication around the autumn of 2010.

The BU Family has got (firsthand) the opportunity to debate rigorously (no holds barred) how this postmodern phenomenon is affecting the Black Family and how this psychopathology can be contained and managed through a variety of remedial interactions and recommendations.

But what is anger? Anger is a natural emotion that affects us all at some point. But for some people, anger can get out of control and cause problems with family relationships, friendships, work and even the law.

It is a scientifically proven fact that intergenerational transmission of social, cultural, moral, philosophical and spiritual capital has produced inequalities across the periphery of the Black family and any attempt at a one-sided explanation of the issues which focus just on social relations or culture or discourse is in itself radically incomplete at the least and copiously sterile at worst.

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Of Things Not Bajan!

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Hartley Henry - DLP Political Strategist

Hartley Henry - DLP Political Strategist

Phew! That was a close one! For the first time in more than four years of writing newspaper columns I monitored my email entries on the hour. I was almost certain I would have been lynched by the men of this country. But, surprisingly, even they were in agreement with 90 per cent of the criticisms levelled against them in last week’s column.

So encouraged am I by the willingness of our people to address and deal with real issues, that I shall poke my nose a bit further today and address a major peeve. This time it’s against our womenfolk.

Okay, perhaps you are wondering ‘whatever became of the real Hartley Henry’. Why isn’t he dealing with topical and some may say political issues? The truth is this is the time of year when this writer begins to wind down and look towards the summer. Also, and perhaps even more profound on this occasion, is that I am more than a bit nervous about these Common Entrance Examination Results.

I travelled this road six years ago with my son, but somehow, I am sharing the anxiety pains and pangs of my daughter. Indeed, I think I will scream if I don’t hear something by this weekend.

To be honest, I don’t even know what I want to hear. I am not caught up on school status, and everyone knows how much I oppose elitism. But, the constant calls to my home and enquiries on the street are placing me on the brink of an anxiety attack. Truth is I can’t believe my daughter has gotten there already. Therefore, in the meantime and between time, I shall just jive around with a few matters, outside of politics, that intrigue me. Continue reading →

Brother, Where Art Thou?

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Hartley Henry - DLP Political Strategist

Hartley Henry - DLP Political Strategist

Men are truly in crisis! Ralph Boyce and his MESA group are giving promotion of the interest of men their best shot, but I am not sure the extent to which they are succeeding. I see some very alarming trends on the horizon.

I am not speaking here of the disproportionate number of females enrolling at tertiary institutions. Neither am I concerned, on this occasion, about the virtual takeover of the leadership of the public service by members of the fairer sex.  Indeed, there is also the matter of every other driver on the road being female.

None of these issues, though deserving of evaluation, is as striking to me as driving around Barbados on weekends and viewing the social scene. Take for example my “passing time” in the lobby of the Barbados Hilton last Saturday evening and observing as literally hundreds of persons arrived for what was clearly a dapper social event. I was not invited and I did not care to enquire of the occasion. What, however, was striking was the near 70 percent to 30 percent ratio of women to men. For every “male and female” couple that waltzed into that hotel, there were two and probably three of females only, comprising two, three or four individuals. I was in the company of a visiting associate from overseas and it was he who asked the alarming question “but where are the Bajan men?”

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