Life is a wonderful gift. Every day we get an opportunity to be better that we were yesterday. Most mistakes that we made yesterday can be erased, and we can start over a clean slate. If our mistakes carried consequences, then a new day is an opportunity to make wrong things right.
Once two or more people interact, someone will likely feel offended about something, whether it was intentional or not. We normally have two responses to causing offense, and our selection of each depends on the type of outcome we want.
If it is an employer-employee type relationship, then the employer wants a productive and respectful employee, and the employee wants a competent and respectful employer. If it is a family type relationship, then each member wants to be loved and respected. Wherever possible, we should try to preserve our relationships following a dispute.
Disputes about facts may be resolved by simply verifying the facts. However, disputes about personal opinions are emotional, and normally result in someone feeling offended. People can feel actual hurt if their opinions are challenged.
On matters of personal opinions, we can either choose to be right and wrong, or wrong and right, but rarely can we achieve being right and right.
Insisting on being right on personal opinions can escalate an argument, and leave the relationship in a worse state. Leaving the relationship in a worse state is wrong. Therefore, we can be right and end wrong. In such disputes, we should first define our goal before choosing our response.
If our aim is to be right, regardless of the damage to our relationships, then we may feel some temporary satisfaction of ‘winning’ an argument. However, we may have lost a lot more than we think we gained.
If our aim is to preserve and enhance our relationships, then we must be willing to ‘lose’ inconsequential arguments and be wrong, so that we can end right. Most arguments are inconsequential for one party. If they would simply let it go, they would lose little but gain much.
Just before we decide to escalate an argument, or immediately after it has been escalated, we should ask ourselves if the issue is inconsequential to us. If it will not negatively affect our health or our ability to earn, then perhaps it is inconsequential. Consider letting it go, because it may affect the well-being of others.
If it is an inconsequential issue that we are emotionally invested in, then why not trust the Providence of life that important issues will work themselves out. Consider that our role was simply to plant the seed, and not to get a convergence of opinion right away.
Perhaps the people will be convinced by reading similar information in a book, or listening to it on the radio, or reviewing it in their mind. Perhaps they are to hear it in a conversation, without any further involvement from ourselves.
If we have harmed our relationships because of our insistence on being right, then during this Christmas season, may we commit to be better – by simply being wrong.
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