Recently many references have been made by the BU family to Her Majesty through her representative the Governor General in connection with the Alexandra School issue. There was also the recent visit by Prince Edward and Princess Sophie who represented the Queen in celebrating her Diamond Jubilee. Whether we like or not the Queen is our head of state and  the latest attack on Her Majesty’s mother, Queen Elizabeth the Queen Mother and on Her Majesty’s birth in a book by Jamaican, Georgia Arianna Ziadie, self-styled “Lady Colin Campbell”, should be of interest. BU contacted one of its family members for an opinion and received the following reply.

Yes, this has been much in the news. But is unlikely to sell well in Britain – you see, those who live in Britain know better. Actually, I know Georgie Campbell and have for many years. Don’t like her very much, but we know each other. She styles herself “Lady Colin Campbell” and is pissed off because the court styles her Georgie, Lady Campbell and some who choose to respect protocol insist on addressing her as such, which pisses her off.

There is a connection to Barbados in that Lord Colin Campbell’s eldest brother, who became Duke of Argyll, had, as his first of many wives, the late Janet Kidd (think Holders and Lord Beaverbrook and the Holders Festival and Jodi Kidd). Janet divorced Argyll for beating her up and stealing her jewellery and selling it (but only after she had presented him with a daughter – Lady Jeanne Campbell who herself became the wife of Norman Mailer), while Georgie divorced Colin, not as she claims for being an uncontrollable drunk, but because, in her words, he had a penis that looked like a lipstick.

Georgie gathers most of her evidence from the late Margaret Duchess of Argyll, who has been dead since the early 90s. Margaret was a friend of mine. However, no one, including myself, ever believed a single word Margaret uttered. She was born Margaret Whigam to a Scottish couple who immigrated to the USA where the father made a vast fortune. Mother died and Margaret and Daddy returned to England where Margaret set about spending Daddy’s entire fortune. Now understand that Margaret’s proud boast was that she could not even boil water. She was also a sexual predator.

She married first the American Battle of Britain fighter ace, Charlie Sweeney and as Mrs Sweeney was immortalised by Cole Porter in “You’re The Tops”. She also produced two children for Sweeney, before divorcing him and marrying Ian Argyll (Janet Kidd was the first wife, Margaret was the third wife). It is noted that Margaret’s daughter, Frances, married the Duke of Rutland and thereafter to the end of Margaret’s life, refused to speak to Margaret ever again. As Margaret and the Duke of Rutland were of an age and Frances was young enough to be Rutland’s daughter, one cannot help speculating as to the reason for the rift and the mind, frankly, boggles – knowing Margaret, it boggles a lot.

Margaret and Argyll divorced in one of the most scandalous divorces ever. The judge ruled Margaret to be a “pathological liar”. One of the more interesting pieces of evidence occurred when Ian Argyll was on the stand and was shown a photograph of Margaret clutching some man’s erect penis about to provide him with oral sex. The Duke was asked, “Does Your Grace recognise the hand that is clutching the object in the photograph?” To which he replied, “Yes, it is Her Grace’s hand.” “And does your Grace recognise the object being clutched as belonging Your Grace?” “No, I’ve never been circumcised.” The “object” it later turned out, belonged to the legendary Hollywood actor Douglas Fairbanks Jr. This was discovered as a result of the fact that Margaret had also been screwing (simultaneously) a cabinet minister and others, by Lord Denning, arguably the greatest jurist of all time, who was commissioned by the Government to discover whether or not the “object” belonged to and was attached to the groin of Mr Reginald Maudling, a cabinet member. As it turned out, it was attached to the person of a famous Hollywood star. Margaret was the subject of many books, on all of which she sued the authors. Predictably, she ran out of money and spent her declining years surrounded by homosexuals all of which she tried, unsuccessfully, to bed. One of these “walkers” whom I know slightly, regaled a party one night with stories of how Margaret (aged about 70 by that time) had put the moves on him and, when he rejected her, dragged him to a closet in her hallway from which she removed the most enormous electronic dildo he claims he had even seen and declared, “It’s men like you who have condemned me to THIS!”

All of Georgie’s evidence (that which is attributed) is attributed to Margaret (they were sisters-in-law – very briefly). Margaret was a far from reliable source. Also, as a twice divorced and very scandal laden woman, her only access to the Court of St James was at the Coronation of Elizabeth II, which she attended while still married to Argyll. Otherwise, in those days as a divorcee, she was not welcome at Court. Once she became a double-divorcee, she was not welcome at all. Georgie has NEVER been welcome at court, surrounds herself with the same crowd of bitchy, queeny homosexuals as Margaret (the types who manufacture evidence so that they can be seen as being interesting) and it is from these that she gets her information.

Marketing-wise, it is a master stroke in timing owing to the Queen’s Diamond Jubilee and the book will likely sell well in the US market, but at the end of the day no one will believe the word of a middle class Jamaican girl whose whole life has been in search of money and title and notoriety. Not over and above the Queen Mother who, now dead, cannot defend herself and who, as a young girl nursed the wounded of World War I and who, as Queen in World War II was described by Adolf Hitler as the most dangerous woman in Europe and then as Queen Mother from a relatively early age, conducted a lifelong platonic romance with most of the World’s population, was never involved in any scandal and who died aged 101 to worldwide regret and mourning. She is buried in a modest grave at St George’s Chapel, Windsor alongside her husband King George VI and interred with them are the ashes of their daughter, Princess Margaret. The discreet memorial reads: King George VI and Elizabeth his wife.

I suspect that Her Majesty is not even mildly upset by the book. She is used to opportunists like Georgie with assumed titles and tenuous claims to nobility trying to make a buck off the monarchy. And the last laugh is Her Majesty’s – and she knows it. In about 100 years from now, the name and fame of the Queen Mother will continue untarnished, while Georgie, like her books, will be un-regretted and forgotten ashes.