black_fathersHow often have we heard the adage, it takes a village to raise a child? Last week Barbadians were confronted with the sad news of an 11 year old bullied to death. The fact the bullying had taken place over a long period of time and known to many yet as a society we were impotent. The parents of the bullies did nothing. The school and by extension the Ministry of Education was impotent. The little boy before he met his horrible death was living a life full of torment.

May he rest in peace.

Increasingly Barbadians are witnessing the transformation of our society which has become very impersonal. It seems a contradictory position that a society which is so small should feel comfortable with what is has become. Many Barbadians from days of yore subscribe to the maxim, spare the rod and spoil the child. In an earlier blog we discussed the issue of Smacking Children In A Democracy. It appears a clash of generations when deciding on whether spanking children is good or bad for their development has created a deer caught in headlights position.

A recent study by Murray Straus of the University of New Hampshire showed the more a child was spanked the lower his or her IQ compared with others. Old Barbadians will argue the point we have spanked our children for years and built a wholesome society in the process. By comparison we have witnessed a US society which forbids parents and teachers from administering corporal punishment and what has been the result? A scan of the US news networks on any day narrates a society in social decay. For example, CNN is currently running a news story about a 16 year old African boy beaten to death by other children in Obama’s home city of Chicago. He was an honour student. Over 3 dozen children  children killed in Chicago for the year so far and many more nationwide.

It seems we live in a world today where we are unable to put the train back on the track. What does the future holds? How can we rebuild our society to make it safe for our children?

The article which highlights the research done about how spanking our children can lead to lower IQs is pasted below for convenience.

Children Who Get Spanked Have Lower IQs

By Jeanna Bryner, Senior Writer

posted: 24 September 2009 09:12 pm ET

Spanking can get kids to behave in a hurry, but new research suggests it can do more harm than good to their noggins. The study, involving hundreds of U.S. children, showed the more a child was spanked the lower his or her IQ compared with others.

“All parents want smart children,” said study researcher Murray Straus of the University of New Hampshire. “This research shows that avoiding spanking and correcting misbehavior in other ways can help that happen.”

One might ask, however, whether children who are spanked tend to come from backgrounds in which education opportunities are less or inherited intelligence lower.

But while the results only show an association between spanking and intelligence, Straus says his methodology and the fact that he took into account other factors that could be at play (such as parents’ socioeconomic status) make a good case for a causal link.

“You can’t say it proves it, but I think it rules out so many other alternatives; I am convinced that spanking does cause a slowdown in a child’s development of mental abilities,” Straus told LiveScience.

Intelligence quotients

Straus and his colleague Mallie Paschall of the Pacific Institute for Research and Evaluation in Maryland studied nationally representative samples of two age groups: 806 children ages 2 to 4, and 704 ages 5 to 9. The researchers tested the kids’ IQs initially and then four years later.

Both groups of kids got smarter after four years. But the 2- to 4-year-olds who were spanked scored 5 points lower on the IQ test than those not spanked. For children ages 5 to 9, the spanked ones scored on average 2.8 points lower than their unspanked counterparts.

The results, he said, were statistically significant. And they held even after accounting for parental education, income, cognitive stimulation by parents and other factors that could affect children’s mental abilities.

Straus will present the study results, along with research on the relationship between average national IQ and prevalence of spanking around the world, Friday at the 14th International Conference on Violence, Abuse and Trauma, in San Diego, Calif.

Spanking science

Whether or not spanking equates with dumber kids is not known, and may never be known. That’s because the only way to truly show cause and effect would be to follow over time two groups of kids, one randomly assigned to get spanked and another who would not get spanked. Barring that method, which is unfeasible, Straus considers his study the next best thing, as he looked back at a nationally representative set of kids who were followed over time.

Jennifer Lansford of Duke University’s Center for Child and Family Policy and Social Science Research Institute called the study “interesting,” and agrees the method is a strong one. Lansford, who was not involved with the study, said following kids over time as this study did rules out the possibility that children with lower IQs somehow elicit more physical discipline.

However, unlike research showing the link between spanking and a kid’s aggressive behavior, in which kids model parents’ actions, this link is less clear to her. She added that a question still left unanswered is “what are some of the other mechanisms that could be responsible for this link between physical discipline and lower IQ?”

How spanking harms

If spanking does send IQ scores down, Straus and others offer some explanations for what might be going on.

“Contrary to what everyone believes, being hit by parents is a traumatic experience,” Straus said. “We know from lots of research that traumatic stresses affect the brain adversely.” Also, the trauma could cause kids to have more stressful responses in difficult situations, and so may not perform as well cognitively.

By using hitting rather than words or other means of discipline, parents could be depriving kids of learning opportunities. “With spanking, a parent is delivering a punishment to get the child’s attention and to get them to behave in a certain way,” said Elizabeth Gershoff who studies childhood development at the University of Texas, Austin. “It’s not fostering children’s independent thinking.”

So when a child gets in a bind, he or she might do the right thing to keep from a spanking rather than figuring out the best decision independently, added Gershoff, who was not involved in Straus’s current study.

And then there are genes, as some kids are just born smarter than others.

Even though spanking has been shown to cause negative consequences, Gershoff said many parents still fall back on the behavior-shaping tool. As for why, she says it’s a quick fix, though its seeming success is short-lived and the negative consequences often outweigh the positives. Parents also might have been spanked themselves and so continue the tradition.

75 responses to “How Do We Get Our Children To Behave?”


  1. Quoting Mr. Bonny Peppa, an eternal fount of wisdom and wit (yawn):

    “I still believe that spanking, beating, slapping is the most effective deterrent for children when they misbehave.”

    Is there any reason why adults should be excluded from your agenda?


  2. Mr. Bowman,
    Why you yawninnnnnnn? You hungry?
    Anyway, I lash children but ‘lick’ my adults.
    You want a lickin from me or wah?
    Now leff ma.
    Snoreeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee


  3. i spanked my little one about two weeks ago. i think her IQ remains intact. we shall see if she makes it to QC….. will keep u informed: i quite think that a mixture of reasoned discussion combined with some rod, have done a good job… time will tell…


  4. Thought I’d add a little humor to this post…

    To all those who survived 1930’s, 40’s, 50’s, 60’s and 70’s!!

    First, we survived being born to mothers who smoked and/or drank while they were pregnant, and lived in houses made of asbestos. They took aspirin, ate blue cheese dressing, raw egg products, loads of bacon and processed meat, tuna from a can and didn’t get tested for diabetes.

    Then after that trauma, we were put to sleep on our tummies in baby cribs covered with bright colored lead-base paints.

    We had no childproof lids on medicine bottles, locks on doors or cabinets and when we rode our bikes, we had no helmets on our heads.

    As infants & children, we would ride in cars with no car seats, no booster seats, no seat belts, no air bags, bald tires and sometimes no brakes.

    Riding in the back of a pick-up truck on a warm day was always a special treat.

    We drank water from the garden hose and not from a bottle.

    We shared one soft drink with four friends, from one bottle and NO ONE actually died from this.

    We ate cupcakes, white bread, real butter and bacon. We drank Kool-Aid made with real white sugar. And, we weren’t overweight. WHY? Because we were always outside playing…that’s why!

    We would leave home in the morning and play all day, as long as we were back when the streetlights came on.

    No one was able to reach us all day. And, we were O.K.

    We could collect old bottles and cash them in at the corner store and buy Toffees, Bubble Gum and Sweeties.

    We would spend hours building our go-carts out of prams & scraps and then ride them down the hill; only to find out we forgot the brakes. After running into the bushes a few times, we learned to solve the problem.

    We did not have Play stations, Nintendo’s and X-boxes. There were no video games, no 150 channels on cable, no video movies or DVD’s, no surround-sound or CD’s, no cell phones, no personal computers, no Internet and no chat rooms.
    WE HAD FRIENDS and we went outside and found them!

    We fell out of trees, got cut, broke bones and teeth and there were no lawsuits from these accidents.

    We ate worms and mud pies made from dirt, and the worms did not live in us forever.

    We made up games with sticks and balls and, although we were told it would happen, we did not put out very many eyes.

    We rode bikes or walked to a friend’s house and knocked on the door or rang the bell, or just walked in and talked to them.

    You could only buy Hot Cross Buns at Easter time…

    Football and cricket had tryouts and not everyone made the team. Those who didn’t had to learn to deal with disappointment. Imagine that!!

    Our teachers used to hit us with canes and rulers and bully’s always ruled the playground at school.

    The idea of a parent bailing us out if we broke the law was unheard of. They actually sided with the law!

    These generations have produced some of the best risk-takers, problem solvers and inventors ever…

    The past 50 years have been an explosion of innovation and new ideas.

    We had freedom, failure, success and responsibility, and we learned how to deal with it all.

    If YOU are one of them…
    CONGRATULATIONS!

    You might want to share this with others who have had the luck to grow up as kids.

    While you are at it, forward it to your children so they will know how brave and lucky their parents were.


  5. @ Sapidillo

    AN AWESOME, OFF THE CHAIN HOOK EXPOSITION OF MY LIFE AND I AM SURE THE LIVES OF MANY WHO GREW UP IN THE 1960’s & 70’s…

    Thank you so much for an emotional, yet hilarious walk down memory lane…

    I would be remiss if I did not ask for your permission to cite these words in one of my current manuscripts but in order to use the citation – you have to sign off giving me literary permission to use them…

    Please email me@

    dreamstarinvestments@gmail.com

    Thanks and God bless!!!

    Terence*


  6. NOT IN BARBADOS
    YOU OLD FOGEYS


  7. Sapadillo
    Simply awsome.
    But you forgot to mention the ‘lick’ that we got like peas with any and everything in sight.

    And we survived.

    Terence MB
    Hi my sucre-drop.

    low battery
    Dah badddddddddd. Luv um. I’ll stay tuned.


  8. Terence, I am not the copyright holder. I forgot to add “author unknown;” it was not intentional.

    Apparently this piece has been circulating around the net. I rec’d via email from 2 of my friends. One was titled, “To those born 1930 to 1979” and the other was titled, “We wuz brung up proper!”

    I don’t think there will be a problem using it. However, you may want to put in a statement that invites readers to identify the author so that you can attribute the writing to the proper person.

    Good luck.


  9. Terence MB
    I am the copyrite holder so you can go ahead en use it. OK?
    (tee-heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee)


  10. @Sapidillo

    Thanks very much – I do appreciate your response….

    @BONNY PEPPA*

    You does tickle’ me ya’ know….LOL


  11. @ Bonny Peppa
    “I am the copyrite holder so you can go ahead en use it….”

    FA’ REAL???


  12. Could the discussion get back to the need for those who born children and those who supplied the sperm to get their ar**es active in the PTAs in light of the stabbing inflicted on the 13 year old at the Parkinson school?

    Good post J.


  13. The PTA is just that – an abbreviation. Do you know many teachers and headmistresses/masters at the school are aware of this bullying? We have to assume that by extension the Ministry and the PTAs (if they are any active) would have been aware. Even as we write this comment, we understand the children involved in the recent bullying which led to the death of an 11 year old are out on $3000 bail. Here was a good opportunity to send their asses to Dodds.

    PTAs operate at the behest of the heads of the schools. Any PTA which becomes too militant and agitate too much will find they become alienated by the head of the school rendering it ineffective. The purpose of PTAs in our school system, sadly so, is to raise funds for the school. A role many, if not all, of them play meekly. We intend to post a blog in the coming week if a more knowledgeable BU family doesn’t beat us to it.

    Come on BU family! We know many of the prominent people in Barbados read the blogs and that includes leaders in government; let us expose the issues. Many of you read and play selfish with your thoughts. In the meantime our children are being buried.


  14. This a the African whip
    This a the beating stick
    Licks like this and licks that
    Licks that shower and will not stop
    Licks to me head and licks to me back
    Licks that clap till the youth man drop
    Licks when you are right and licks when you are wrong
    Licks when you are weak and licks when you are strong

    http://555dubstreet.wordpress.com/2009/10/04/schooldays/


  15. egg head ?

    yu betta watch what you say about me yeah !
    I aint easy yuh !

    watch yuh F**K **G ass wid me yuh !


  16. .. I’ll cut and paste some brand new slang
    later


  17. @ KIKI

    You are “LYRICAL” monster…. LOL!!!


  18. KissMya,
    Wuhloss, wuhloss, ya like a ‘acid-bomb’.
    You mek Bonny look like a ‘saint’ man.
    Wuhlosssssssssssssssssssssssss.


  19. It’s like the Devil Pickney
    Come inna natty yard
    Back off Back off Back off
    Move off Move off Move off
    Who Jah bless no man curse
    Thank Jah Jah I’m not the worst

    http://555dubstreet.wordpress.com/2009/10/05/devil-pickney/


  20. Sapadillo, this is great. May I add: learning to swim and dive in the sea without a paid instructor, climbed trees to pick fruit or knocked them down with a stick or a rock. Picked up fruit from the ground & ate them just like that, made and flew kites all day long at Eastertime.. Thanks for posting.


  21. FAN
    You didn’t remember to mention all the ‘bird-pick’ mangoes that we ate n still living.


  22. I rec’d the following in an email.

    Two Choices:
    What would you do?….you make the choice. Don’t look for a punch line, there isn’t one. Read it anyway.

    My question is: Would you have made the same choice?

    At a fundraising dinner for a school that serves children with learning disabilities, the father of one of the students delivered a speech that would never be forgotten by all who attended.

    After extolling the school and its dedicated staff, he offered a question:

    “When not interfered with by outside influences, everything nature does, is done with perfection. Yet my son, Shay, cannot learn things as other children do. He cannot understand things as other children do.
    Where is the natural order of things in my son?”

    The audience was stilled by the query.
    The father continued. “I believe that when a child like Shay, who was mentally and physically disabled comes into the world, an opportunity to realize true human nature presents itself, and it comes in the way other people treat that child.”

    Then he told the following story:
    Shay and I had walked past a park where some boys Shay knew were playing baseball. Shay asked, “Do you think they’ll let me play?” I knew that most of the boys would not want someone like Shay on their team, but as a father I also understood that if my son were allowed to play, it would give him a much-needed sense of belonging and some confidence to be accepted by others in spite of his handicaps.
    I approached one of the boys on the field and asked (not expecting much) if Shay could play. The boy looked around for guidance and said, “We’re losing by six runs and the game is in the eighth inning. I guess he can be on our team and we’ll try to put him to bat in the ninth inning.”

    Shay struggled over to the team’s bench and, with a broad smile, put on a team shirt. I watched with a small tear in my eye and warmth in my heart. The boys saw my joy at my son being accepted.
    In the bottom of the eighth inning, Shay’s team scored a few runs but was still behind by three.
    In the top of the ninth inning, Shay put on a glove and played in the right field. Even though no hits came his way, he was obviously ecstatic just to be in the game and on the field, grinning from ear to ear as I waved to him from the stands.
    In the bottom of the ninth inning, Shay’s team scored again.
    Now, with two outs and the bases loaded, the potential winning run was on base and Shay was scheduled to be next at bat.
    At this juncture, do they let Shay bat and give away their chance to win the game? Surprisingly, Shay was given the bat. Everyone knew that a hit was all but impossible because Shay didn’t even know how to hold the bat properly, much less connect with the ball. However, as Shay stepped up to the plate, the pitcher, recognizing that the other team was putting winning aside for this moment in Shay’s life, moved in a few steps to lob the ball in softly so Shay could at least make contact.

    The first pitch came and Shay swung clumsily and missed. The pitcher again took a few steps forward to toss the ball softly towards Shay. As the pitch came in, Shay swung at the ball and hit a slow ground ball right back to the pitcher. The game would now be over.

    The pitcher picked up the soft grounder and could have easily thrown the ball to the first baseman. Shay would have been out and that would have been the end of the game. Instead, the pitcher threw the ball right over the first baseman’s head, out of reach of all team mates. Everyone from the stands and both teams started yelling, “Shay, run to first! Run to first!”

    Never in his life had Shay ever run that far, but he made it to first base. He scampered down the baseline, wide-eyed and startled. Everyone yelled, “Run to second, run to second!”
    Catching his breath, Shay awkwardly ran towards second, gleaming and struggling to make it to the base. By the time Shay rounded towards second base, the right fielder had the ball. The smallest guy on their team who now had his first chance to be the hero for his team. He could have thrown the ball to the second-baseman for the tag, but he understood the pitcher’s intentions so he,too, intentionally threw the ball high and far over the third-baseman’s head. Shay ran toward third base deliriously as the runners ahead of him circled the bases toward home. All were screaming, “‘Shay, Shay, Shay, all the Way Shay”
    Shay reached third base because the opposing shortstop ran to help him by turning him in the direction of third base, and shouted, “Run to third! Shay, run to third!” As Shay rounded third, the boys from both teams, and the spectators, were on their feet screaming, “Shay, run home! Run home!” Shay ran to home, stepped on the plate, and was cheered as the hero who hit the grand slam and won the game for his team.

    “That day”, said the father softly with tears now rolling down his face, “the boys from both teams helped bring a piece of true love and humanity into this world”

    Shay didn’t make it to another Summer. He died that Winter, having never forgotten being the hero and making me so happy, and coming home and seeing his Mother tearfully embrace her little hero of the day!

    NOW A LITTLE FOOT NOTE TO THIS STORY:

    We all send thousands of jokes through the e-mail without a second thought, but when it comes to sending messages about life choices, people hesitate.

    The crude, vulgar, and often obscene pass freely through cyberspace, but public discussion about decency is too often suppressed in our schools and workplaces.

    We all can make a difference. We all have thousands of opportunities every single day to help realize the natural order of things. So many seemingly trivial interactions between two people present us with a choice:
    Do we pass along a little spark of love and humanity or do we pass up those opportunities and leave the world a little bit colder in the process?

    A wise man once said every society is judged by how it treats it’s least fortunate amongst them.


  23. Sapadillo
    A real tear-jerker.
    There’s a bit of Shay in each of us. No one’s perfect.
    The golden rule still prevails:
    “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you”.

    ROK
    Sweet dreams.
    Saw you on my TV tonite and went crazyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy.

    “If the boy only knew,
    What the girl must go through,
    When the girl falls in luv with the boy……………………………………..


  24. really i feel kinda sorry for the parents of today all thenew technolgy has made it hard to keep a handle on their childrenand a lot of the garbage that is filtered through it. It ain’t easy when you have so many things to manage ones life.the parents tell the children one thing and technology tell another.eventually the parents giveinand the children have their way.iam glad i don’t have to raise children today too much for me to handle.

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